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Summer 2005

  • 10-07-2005 6:49pm
    #1
    shiv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭


    Propped up on the magazine shelf
    Looking down on you
    Like I always do

    A lovely two-page spread
    Polished and unread
    Inside
    Open before you

    Except you do not pick me up
    Peruse
    My fine lines
    Cracked binding

    And I am left
    Closed
    Stuck together
    Perfectly untouchable
    Smiling


Comments

  • #2
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    i dont quite get it but it has a nice feel and sound to it


  • #3
    Earthhorse
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,714 ✭✭✭✭Earthhorse


    Very neat. I'm puzzled as to why there's no punctuation though? It might help us to know when to pause and when to carry on.


  • #4
    the raven
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 329 ✭✭the raven


    too many "you"s. forget about the punctuation, tis better without.

    it's an alright poem.


  • #5
    shiv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭shiv


    thanks guys for your feedback, greatly appreciated!

    le rack, it was just a simple exploration of what it would feel like to be a magazine and adding a relationship angle to it, prompted by having something published and seeing it in-store. weird, I know!

    earthhorse, I felt writing it that it might need punctuation, but I was at a loss of where to put commas, periods, etc. It's not my strong point.
    Part of me feels that not putting anything is easier, and more free-flowing..but then I understand it can let people know where to pause or where you want to make a point.

    raven, thanks for the compliment--high praise indeed given your strict standards!! ;)


  • #6
    Earthhorse
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,714 ✭✭✭✭Earthhorse


    Cool.

    If it's any consolation, Percy Bysshe Shelley apparently had the same problem, with much of the punctuation being added to his poetry upon publication and often by others (editors and so forth).

    If you find use of commas and fullstops too dictatorial you might consider using dashes, a la Emily Dickinson, or brackets, a la ee cummings. They might give you the pauses you are looking for without interrupting the flow of the poem.


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  • #7
    shiv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭shiv


    Hey Earthhorse,
    thanks for the tips and info, I might give the dashes or brackets a go and ease myself into the punctuation arena.
    Used to do the whole slash thing years ago, but/found/it/was/just/too/choppy :)
    Thanks again


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