Have you lived your dream??

MooShop wrote:

just wondering how many people are doing now, what they dreamed about when they were young??

did you do all things you wanted to do in life, are you in a job you love??

if you could would you change anything, any regrets??

I'm sorry about how whingey, self-pitying and moany this reply is gonna be but... I'm remarkably depressed right now, and this thread's open-ended question offers me the opportunity to exorcise some demons - so forgive me for indulging myself.

In short, No, I'm not living the dream. (Wow. Bet you didn't see THAT coming :rolleyes: ). Whenever I look at photos of myself when I was younger I just feel unbearably sad. I look at a person whose face contained so many hopes and dreams, such innocence, a lust for life and a get-up-and-go attitude towards working to accomplish his dreams, and I just think; what the f**k happened? I want to apologise over and over to this person:
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I f**ked everything up - You could have been anyone, anything, all your dreams could've have become reality... And I screwed up. I've blamed a multitude of other factors - bullies, school, my parents, my so-called mates, etc - but I have to take responsibility. I f**ked everything up." In Nick Horndy's High Fidelity his main character has a similar reaction to old photos of himself, and the same regrets.

I have accomplished almost nothing I wanted to do.
But worse, far worse than all this, I have become a person I never wanted to be. A person my younger self would detest, and rightly so.

But it's not too late... Surely. No, I can still do some of it. I will work my damnedest to make myself into the kind of man that the kid in the photos would be proud of. F**k it, why the f**k am I wasting my life writing sh*t on boards?! I should be out there working to make some of that kid's dreams come true! Ok... Well, it's ten to one in the morning so that explains that but still...

Thanks for reading this pompous and self-serving drivel.



P.S. I've a history of depression that is almost manic depressive, hence the sharp swing between suicidal and positivity that occured there... Sorry bout that.