"Mammy's a bisexual"

Pet wrote:

I was about 8 years old, on a packed bus on the way home from town. And an ad for "Condom Power" (the sex shop) comes on over the radio..some guy talking about a selection of condoms, exotic costumes, blah this and that and "adult toys". I asked innocently (and in a loud voice) "Mammy what do adults need toys for?"
Cue embarrassed silence from my mother and stifled giggles on the bus..

I thought condom power opened only 5 years ago??? 5 + 8 = 13?? Wouldnt you still ask questions like that at 13?

Was about 5 yrs old an my lil baby bro had just been born. My mom was talking on the phone to one of her friends about how she'd put on so much weight (Brother was a BIG baby!!!) and how she had a spare tyre on her stomach.

Anyway, a few weeks later we were at some relatives birthday party. The whole family were there. Two of my uncles were talking about their cars. Uncle number 1 says to uncle number two " I'm gonna have to fork out for a whole new tyres on the car cos I punctured one of them".

Lil me pipes up "Mommy has a spare tyre on her stomach that she doesn't want so you could have that one".

Got two for ye.
Anyone remember how years and years ago WEETABIX had weetabix characters, basically weetabix cereal with arms and faces etc.... so anyway as most 3/4 year olds when told what something is they are "weetabix men top-pup" (i wasnt quite a dawg then) they come up with what sounds like that in their own head which according to my mother was "TITTY" MEN in my head!! So one day we were up on the top deck of a crowded double decker bus when i spotted one of the giant advertisement hoardings for weetabix and started shouting out and letting all and sundry know to "LOOK AT THE TITTIES. LOOK AT THE TITTIES!" and of course the more a child is told shut up the louder they get and my poor mother was left with a red faced walk of shame off the bus........

2nd one and i still nearly pi$$ myself when i think of this.
When we went on hols years ago our nan was going to look after the house, however as we rushed out we didnt have time to get the house keys to our nan so left them with our neighbours (who arent the skinniest of people.) One of my parents left a voice machine on our nans phone saying tongue in cheek "we left the keys with the fatties next door." So what does nan do turns up with my aunt (who relayed the story back to us) to our house and as they do our not so skinny neighbours are leaving the house, me nan approaches them and says "Hello Mr and Mrs FATTY could i get the keys from ye?" Ya couldnt script it like!!

LadyJ wrote:

I seriously can't stop laughing! It hurts!

good stuff. i live to give. it took me about ten mins to type it i started laughin so bad.

embee wrote:

"Oh for goodness sakes Mammy, EVERYONE knows you get a baby when a man puts his willy inside a woman and wee's in her."

In all fairness, me and my whole class knew all about the proper fookin when we were 7 years old

Well, not all, infact we had some very strange ideas, but we knew a little. By 7 or 8 we certainly knew how to make a baby.......although iirc i thought rubbin your ahem off a birds nether regions was enough to do the job


My ma used to hate it when i was maybe 6 and she would try to get me on a bus or whatever for the under 5s fair and id shout out "im not five im six!"

Another time, when i was about 7, my cousin (who was 8) dared me to knock on the door of a neighbour and ask her if she had any "rubber johnnys"

Dont underestimate little kids, they know alot more than you think. I prolly saw me first *makes whistle sound* when i was 7. Actually, come to think of it it was my best mates sister *loads drunken pisstaking gun*
"Do you...know pal....that the first one that i EVER seen.......was yer sisters?"
Ill hafta edamakate my daughters into not behavin like this
As for my sons if i have any....meh....live and learn lads



And ROFL at Stekellys story, funniest thing ive read in days Bleedin Tallaght heads and their dole scams*

*id be commitin them if this bastard country would let me claim in the first place



EDIT- I now recall a particular anecdote. Me and my mam met heavyweight tv dude Derek Davis (fmr daytime tv presenter) and when he turned round i roared "jaysus hes massive!"
He turned round again and just smiled

TOPDAWG wrote:

Got two for ye.
Anyone remember how years and years ago WEETABIX had weetabix characters, basically weetabix cereal with arms and faces etc.... so anyway as most 3/4 year olds when told what something is they are "weetabix men top-pup" (i wasnt quite a dawg then) they come up with what sounds like that in their own head which according to my mother was "TITTY" MEN in my head!! So one day we were up on the top deck of a crowded double decker bus when i spotted one of the giant advertisement hoardings for weetabix and started shouting out and letting all and sundry know to "LOOK AT THE TITTIES. LOOK AT THE TITTIES!" and of course the more a child is told shut up the louder they get and my poor mother was left with a red faced walk of shame off the bus........

2nd one and i still nearly pi$$ myself when i think of this.
When we went on hols years ago our nan was going to look after the house, however as we rushed out we didnt have time to get the house keys to our nan so left them with our neighbours (who arent the skinniest of people.) One of my parents left a voice machine on our nans phone saying tongue in cheek "we left the keys with the fatties next door." So what does nan do turns up with my aunt (who relayed the story back to us) to our house and as they do our not so skinny neighbours are leaving the house, me nan approaches them and says "Hello Mr and Mrs FATTY could i get the keys from ye?" Ya couldnt script it like!!

Very good, when i was 8, my sisters christening was taking place in the local church. i was sittin in the front row with my cousins and all my relatives behind me, when i let, possibly the loudest fart ever, go, and with the aid of the hollow church, it echoed around the building. we had a video recorder wit us and we stil watch it to this day...my sister bein dipped in holy water, when suddenly a loud bluuuurrrrppp noise erupts and the camera turns to the front row to find 5 children in stitches....