The Ants are back.

RE*AC*TOR wrote:

The Ants are back

What about Adam? Is he not with them this time?

Just be grateful that it's not these little MoFo's!!

B.

Don't worry lads and lassies,help is at hand.
Several years ago, Pighead had a huge ant hill problem. They were everywhere and seemed to pop up overnight. They ended up getting in his silky hair down his tight undies and even up his hairy nostrils.
Someone told the Pig to sprinkle instant grits on the ant hills.
The ants eat the dry grits and when they drink, the grits swell up in their stomach and literally explode them.
But as nobody tells the pig what to do he ignored this inhumane advice(or ininsectane advice depending on how pedantic you are)
The Pig uses the method affectionately known as Horrific Chalk Death.
Heres what to do
Find out where the little rascals are congregated and draw a chalkline around the area(as small an area as possible).
For some reason the antsies won't pass the chalk line(obviously i know why they wont but its a bit too technical to get into).Now grab a chair and watch the little brown army start to apnic as they realise there trapped and they have no source of food or water.
After about the 3rd day things really hot up and the ants are visibly skinnier and obvious signs of dementia set in(foamy mouths everywhere).
Day 5 and all hell breaks loose,brothers start to eat their sisters sisters eat their grannys and mommy eats daddy.The lads have totally lost it and literally eat anything that moves.
Day 7 and theres usually a horrfic sight of mangled bodies and rotting carcasses with one lone warrior proudly standing tall(although he'll die pretty quickly due to lack of fluid)
To summarise Chalk is the answer to all your ant problems

RE*AC*TOR wrote:

kinda hard to draw a chalk line around flying ants

Pighead isn't here to deal with flying ants,Pighead is helping people deal with the bitch ants
The workers are all female. They hatch from infertile eggs. They do all the food gathering, housekeeping, guarding and rearing the young. They are the familiar wingless ants that everybody sees. Being unable to fly, worker ants collect all their food on foot. They are ingenious when it comes to finding food and, if they detect suitable food sources, ants will manage to enter the most unlikely and secure places in houses. This is why ants may become a pest.
The males, which have wings, have only one job, that of mating with females.Why would i want to kill these legends.
Stop being so ped-ant-ic RE*AC*TOR

Kernel wrote:

Hahah., Legend reactor. I was just thinking he was a dumbass for suggesting that chalk rubbish. What you need to do is find the ant hive. If you have grass out in the garden, just stick a garden fork in a few spots and leave for a second. What happens then is the ants swarm all over it. Then you dig up this part, get into the hive and pour a mixture of equal parts petrol and frozen orange juice concentrate in there (ala fight club). That's home made napalm. Stand well back and ignite. It will burn for hours and stick to everything it comes into contact with.

Good luck.

Right kernel,so my method of exterminating the ants involves killing the intended targets and nothing else,meanwhile your method involves killing
Earthworms

* They are untiring natural soil aerators.
* They transform organic matter in the soil.

Ladybugs

* The larvae and adults devour more than 50 aphids per day.
* Asian ladybugs are also useful. However, they cannot withstand our harsh winters and invade homes in cold weather. To get rid of them, simply collect them with a vacuum and put them in a garbage bag.

Spiders – Dragonflies – Insectivorous birds (swallows, chickadees, etc.)

* They prey on insects and larvae.

Millipedes – Centipedes – Sow bugs – Ground beetles

* They decompose organic matter.
* They cause little damage to plants.
* Ground beetles prey on insects and larvae.

Nice one kernel you got rid of the ants alright but your gardens ****ed
Idiot

To summarise: Use Chalk

Kernel wrote:

Chalk is your answer for everything Pigface! It hasn't made your willie grow, it hasn't made united win the league, and it wont stop flying ants, you dolt!

My method is tried and tested, it will involve some collateral damage, but is sustainable. You cant make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.

Right number 1: Why on earth would i want my 12 incher to grow any more,do you know how hard it is to get a pair of speedos that fit properly.
(Kernels tip of the day:Lads if you've got a small package like me and you want to wear your speedos on the beach without embarrasment do what i do,STUFF A PAIR OF FOOTBALL SOCKS DOWN THE FRONT.)

Number 2: Don't pretend you know anything about football Mr Bingo Boy(Kernel goes to bingo every wednesday night everybody)

Number 3: I never claimed chalk could stop flying ants(although i'm almost sure if you manged to throw some chalk dust at a flying ant it would cause fatal damage)

There you go,in your face bingo boy :mad:

Pighead wrote:

Right number 1: Why on earth would i want my 12 incher to grow any more,do you know how hard it is to get a pair of speedos that fit properly.
(Kernels tip of the day:Lads if you've got a small package like me and you want to wear your speedos on the beach without embarrasment do what i do,STUFF A PAIR OF FOOTBALL SOCKS DOWN THE FRONT.)

Number 2: Don't pretend you know anything about football Mr Bingo Boy(Kernel goes to bingo every wednesday night everybody)

Number 3: I never claimed chalk could stop flying ants(although i'm almost sure if you manged to throw some chalk dust at a flying ant it would cause fatal damage)

There you go,in your face bingo boy :mad:

I think you've been sniffing the chalk a bit too much there Pigface!

yeah ants/bees are back.But far far worse things are just outside the door dying to get onto your property...


Those pesky kids knocking on doors asking do you want your lawn cut,


My front is cobblelocked............