"Mammy's a bisexual"

LadyJ · 26-04-2005 06:39PM #1

Ok,so when LadyJ was a babyj,not more than 6,her liberal and open-minded mother decided to explain to her the difference between being homo/hetero and bisexual.
Because she wanted me to grow up being as open-minded as her good self,when I asked which she was,she told me that if she really thought about it she'd probably say bi.... She wasn't of course.
Anyway,a few days later she brought me to some psychology conference with her and while we were eating dinner with a bunch of professors I blurted out "Mammy's a bisexual. What are all of you?"

As my mother dragged me out of the room I screamed "But mammy,you said it was normal to...-" And,with that,her hand closed over my mouth :rolleyes:

Teehee... So I just wondered if any of you have ever embarrassed your parents or if any knowledge they imposed on you ever back-fired on them!

Guy:Incognito · 26-04-2005 07:09PM

o.....................................k

Not quite as odd, but back in the good old early 80's when I was a nipper I was in the dole office with my dad and asked him very loudly if he was going back to work after lunch. He got a few iffey looks from the people behing the counter. All the rest of the people in the que (who were all in their working gear aswell) started pissing themselves.

LadyJ · 26-04-2005 07:10PM

Stekelly wrote:

o.....................................k

Not quite as odd, but back in the good old early 80's when I was a nipper I was in the dole office with my dad and asked him very loudly if he was going back to work after lunch. He got a few iffey looks from the people behing the counter. All the rest of the people in the que (who were all in their working gear aswell) started pissing themselves.

Ah yes,perfect!

TerrorFirmer · 26-04-2005 07:15PM

Well, one time, my dad was talking to this eldery woman. I was about 5.

I asked her what age she was, and she said "I'm 75" or something very close.

Then What did I say?

"Oh - you'll be dead very soon so"

Not quite the same as what the op was about but still, very cringy for my dad.

Another time my sister said to my fat aunt in front of my parents - "Why is your bottom so huge?"

snappieT · 26-04-2005 07:23PM

Close neighbour is big into Irish, has 8 kids.

Mother bitches about the all the time, walking down to shops we pass by eldest daughter and newest baby. Ask the name, of course it's Irish.

I blurt out "Not another crappy Irish name. Normal names are better"

Cringer!

Guy:Incognito · 26-04-2005 07:25PM

My little brother came out with a good one about 3 years ago ( he was around 8 at the tiime). My uncles neighbour wa sin his house and there was about 10 or 15 other people there aswell. My brother suddenly announces that the neighbour has a moustach, which wouldnt be a problem except the neighbour happens to be a middle aged woman. Now, in fairness to the lad, she does have a fairly thick pushbroom, but normally out of decency, everyone ignores it. Nobody knew what to say and there was silence for a few seconds till someone burst out laughing and legged it. The gathering kind of broke up after that.

TerrorFirmer · 26-04-2005 07:25PM

Irish names are shíte though...

Girl names like sinead, cloda, eimear, etc are pretty cool

ciarán, darragh etc - all shíte names id hate to have

Ciaran500 · 26-04-2005 07:28PM

Hey!

26-04-2005 07:31PM

my little 8 year old cousin was just after getting sexual education in school, and we were watchin a film in his house. In the film a woman was kicked in the nether regions,

To which my cousin shouted

"Sure that wouldn't hurt, all they have there is bunches of hair"

we all burst our **** silently laughing praying that he didn't see us, it was priceless!

TerrorFirmer · 26-04-2005 07:43PM

Deleted User wrote:

my little 8 year old cousin was just after getting sexual education in school, and we were watchin a film in his house. In the film a woman was kicked in the nether regions,

To which my cousin shouted

"Sure that wouldn't hurt, all they have there is bunches of hair"

we all burst our **** silently laughing praying that he didn't see us, it was priceless!

Bunches of hair.....priceless

Lorcan26 · 26-04-2005 09:21PM

i used to embarrass my rents all the time. i found a condom in this pub ( i was about 7) and not knowing what it was i brought it out and yelled v.loudly (as little kids do)
"WHATS THIS?!?!?!" my rents were really shocked and looked round were everyone was staring at them. the usual "shut up lorcan, we'll tell you when you're older" stuff ensued. only years later did i relasise what i'd done. my rents used to embarrass me all the time tho so that evened it out. mum yelled out once in the supermarket "do you want some muff" not realising what she'd said. she meant to say muffins....

kjt · 26-04-2005 09:22PM

Deleted User wrote:

my little 8 year old cousin was just after getting sexual education in school, and we were watchin a film in his house. In the film a woman was kicked in the nether regions,

To which my cousin shouted

"Sure that wouldn't hurt, all they have there is bunches of hair"

we all burst our **** silently laughing praying that he didn't see us, it was priceless!

lmao that was great!!

ExOffender · 26-04-2005 09:57PM

ExOffender in pram, at Botanic Gardens, as black guy walks past:

That man is a monkey

! Only about 3 or 4, but still... scarla on me! Not to mention the mammy.

LadyJ · 26-04-2005 11:07PM

Oh another! One time on the dart with my mother(same mother as at start of thread) I asked innocently,but loudly "Mammy,what's rape?". She said she'd tell me later and people started laughing.
After a minute or so,looking suddenly frightened,she added "Why?"

Victor · 26-04-2005 11:29PM

At: breakfast, me, my sister and 10-year old niece.

Niece: "Mum. Whats an orgasm?"
Sister: "Eh, um ...."
Me [stays very quiet, thinking how great it is to not be a parent]

tba · 26-04-2005 11:36PM

In Church about 15 years ago during the watcha bit when the priest fellow talks a young child (about 4) says very loudly, so that the whole church can hear.

"Dad when are we doing to to pub?"

*Page* · 26-04-2005 11:36PM

my daughter got on the bus and shouted that she had seen 3 willy's in school and wanted me to buy her one because

"it looks like more fun than what i have"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LadyJ · 26-04-2005 11:38PM

*Page* wrote:

my daughter got on the bus and shouted that she had seen 3 willy's in school and wanted me to buy her one because

"it looks like more fun than what i have"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jesus,get her outta that school! Dirty little boys!

*Page* · 26-04-2005 11:41PM

one time i stood holding up a scottish mans kiltlooking up it i was about 3 and asked my mam why wasn't he wearing knickers

FranknFurter · 27-04-2005 12:16AM

Getting changed for swimming in the mens changing room when I was about five......

Pointed at this V. fat and VERY hairy guy and shouted to my father who was putting stuff in the locker a few feet away.... "DAD LOOK AT HIM, HES ICKY AN LOOKS LIKE A MONKEY!"................ Then pointed at another guy right next to me, and said "BUT HE LOOKS NICE, WILL MY THING GROW AS BIG AS HIS??"........

None of them knew what to say as I was rushed to the pool! lol

I guess i shouldnt be surprised I never had to come out to them,.......

They were never surprised when I introduced boys as "my boyfriend" lol

tinkerbell · 27-04-2005 09:05AM

Hahaha

Oh this thread is absolutely hilarious, I've been laughing my ass off for the last five minutes

Keep the funny stories coming!

Tobias Greeshman · 27-04-2005 09:44AM

When I was about 5 or 6 and in mass with my parents, there was this really ugly looking woman infront of us.

I then said to my parent loudly, "Mammy is that a Man or a Woman!"

The entire church heard me, including the woman who turned around!

joejoem · 27-04-2005 09:55AM

My own one was at the Irish Open (Golf) when I was around 5. My parents were dragging me around the course while they watched the golf. I still remember the day because I was so scared when everyone gave out to me and my dad had to shout back. I was walking in front of them when I saw a golf ball, I didnt realise thats why we were walking that direction. I thought I had found my father a new present. So I ran on (hearing screams) and picked up the golf ball. when I looked up all these angry red faces were running at me and screaming so I ran to my dad. The golfer (no one still famous) had played a bad ball nto the rough, I had picked it up so he got a free drop onto the fairway. The umpires were screaming at me like I was an adult, while my dad was telling them to shut the fud up, then the golfer turns to his caddy and says "the kid wants a ball? Give him a ball." and the caddy gave me a ball and we all moved on.

The other story - My brother was being picked on by a kid who lived a few doors down. You know the type - the mother is one of those housewives that does nothing but bitch and gossip about how bad other familys are, and how perfect hers is. And of course junior is a little príck. Well my brother came in crying to dad and told him what was happening. Dad said - next time he hits you or picks on you, tighten your hand up into a fist and hit him as hard as you can in the face, he wont bother you again. (this was about 28 years ago bear in mind) with that the bro left the house, walked out the front and saw the bítch and brat standing outside there house talking to some other nieghbours. Bro walked straight up and lamped the brat, knocking him to his ass.

*Page* · 27-04-2005 11:39AM

in church with my nan and my daughter my daughter say's...

my teacher says that the devil is evil.~to this my nan smiled...
my teacher says he's got horns and is red!!~to this my nan sits and smiles somemore
my teacher showed us a picture.... i think you'd like the devil mam cause you guys like the same colours...{takes a small breath} I think the devil looks a lot cooler than gebus{she cant say it right} ~to this my nan pinches me and tells me to leave...

everyone in the chuch looked at us and there i an standing wearin black and red clothes trying very hard not to smile

Sleepy · 27-04-2005 12:44PM

I think the devil looks a lot cooler than gebus

Smart kid

Ruadan · 27-04-2005 03:17PM

When i was about 4/5 me oul fellah used to hang around this garage on occasion talking to the mechanics and the friend of his who owned it, about, eeh whatever guys in their forties talked about in 1988/89

This was of course littered with expletives and me, being the perceptive young being i was picked up on this while playing amongst old car parts with random kids.

So there was quite a while where i wouldn't refer to something as this or that, or the whatever, but everything became "that f*ckin yoke"

I had no idea that this was a bad thing, dad was and is fairly inobservant, and i guess mam musn't have noticed

,untill one day some uncles auntsand cousins were over (can't remember why).

I am presented with a large present wrapped.

me (innocent voice)- Thank you very much, whats this f*ckin yoke?

I got a slap round the ear and my parents got some verry dirty looks!

Pet · 27-04-2005 04:52PM

I was about 8 years old, on a packed bus on the way home from town. And an ad for "Condom Power" (the sex shop) comes on over the radio..some guy talking about a selection of condoms, exotic costumes, blah this and that and "adult toys". I asked innocently (and in a loud voice) "Mammy what do adults need toys for?"
Cue embarrassed silence from my mother and stifled giggles on the bus..

wheres me jumpa · 27-04-2005 06:51PM

i cant actually remember this but not long after some kind uncle had thought me to say "fanny" and the gist of what it might be. my mother was discretely changing me in the womens dressing room in mosney. shes finished changing me and starts on my sis.

meanwhile i start to wander and i silently say "she has a fanny". my mother made the mistake of scolding me and making me realise that the last thing i should is say that....

which of course makes you want to say it so bad, the giggling started and i decided to make a break for the centre of the dressing room and shout "she has a fanny". i swear i cant remember it but every now and again i get reminded.

FatherTed · 27-04-2005 09:50PM

I remember when I was a kid telling my parents that my older brother had grown a beard in the region down below and when was I going to get a beard. Needless to say, my brother gave me a good beating.

tinkerbell · 27-04-2005 10:32PM

Hahaha @ FatherTed, oh this thread is pure genius, best thread on boards in aaages! Well, according to me anyhoo

Pet · 27-04-2005 10:55PM

FatherTed wrote:

I remember when I was a kid telling my parents that my older brother had grown a beard in the region down below and when was I going to get a beard. Needless to say, my brother gave me a good beating.

Oh man, that's class.

"Mammy's a bisexual"

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