the rules of socialising.uhh

ixoy · 24-08-2004 11:36AM

Hobbes wrote:

"Common Strangers" is a fun one too. You take the bus or train? See the same people everyday? They are common strangers.

There is an unwritten rule that you don't talk to them. In fact if you need to know the time you are more likely to ask a stranger then a common stranger.

Yup, I've been seeing these faces for a couple of years now on my shuttle bus and know nothing about them, not even a name. Occasionally a face will disappear and give me brief pause to wonder what happened to them. But would I ever talk to them? No because it'd seem weird. See if we engage a common stranger in conversation one time then we'd feel obliged, somehow, to talk - or at least acknowledge them - the next time we see them on the train/bus. I want to be left in peace, not in stupid chit chat about the weather.

See one of the reasons I love Curb Your Enthusiasm - and fans will attest to this - is that Larry David is very often oblivious to these bizarre social rules and will always be questioning them. It makes for some great laughts but also highlights how dumb we can be in a way.

Gordon · 24-08-2004 11:45AM

Socialising rules = attaining co-existance.

TheWolf · 24-08-2004 12:01PM

munkeehaven wrote:

im terribly silly when it comes to dealing with people etc, it doesnt show on my face but in my head i am freaking out.if i pass a big group of people on the street and i am by myself my eyes get all watery

Wierd, I used to get the exact same thing. Happened less as I got older though, and never happens now. Coulda been a confidence thing though as I didnt have much as a kid, and by the sounds of things you may not either

ballooba · 24-08-2004 12:11PM

naughty_girl wrote:

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh customers are EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL :mad:

My nomination for ásshole of the week.

Post doesn't even merit a reply.

climaxer · 24-08-2004 12:17PM

munkeehaven wrote:

im terribly silly when it comes to dealing with people etc, it doesnt show on my face but in my head i am freaking out.if i pass a big group of people on the street and i am by myself my eyes get all watery (?!).....one day i was out about town and i was wearing these boots thati got in germany and i swear everyone was staring at me..they are just normal boots and i was like wtf? , i got really paranoid about it. THATs another thing people really tend to stare too much at each other these days.

I hate people who stare too - its so ignorant to keep staring at someone. Where I work I have to pass by a street where the traffic is at lights so most mornings (me half asleep) I pass around 20 cars stopped at the lights and they all just stare - I used to be kind've embarassed about it but now I just stare back and smile sarcastically and they look away!

naughty_girl - you would hate my Mother then because she ALWAYS asks the assistants in shops to find stuff for her. I know its your job to assist but I do believe its a bit much not to look yourself first. I give out to her for doing it and she always says really loud sure its their job.

Another thing I hate too is if you're in company in the pub and open a packet of peanuts or crisps you always have to offer the bag to the people you're in company with. I tried once not offering but had to give in so I usually end up with only a few crisps in the end of the bag.

fragile · 24-08-2004 12:26PM

I worked in Berlin for a year and had to spend over 2 hours a day on public transport, and compared to Ireland there is certainly much less akward situations as described so far in this thread i.e. people feeling that they have to talk, sitting next to you when there is a free seat etc. However I have had some really mad bus/train trips in Ireland that I genuinely enjoyed, be it due to a loony driver, striking up a conversation with somebody interesting or just a general feeling of good craic by everyone on the bus/train.....I can't remember a single bus or train journey from Berlin that I would describe as fun

The Irish are gregarious, so its only natural that we would have more of these annoying social quirks....personally I think its a small price to pay...

Gordon · 24-08-2004 12:34PM

climaxer wrote:

I hate people who stare too - its so ignorant to keep staring at someone. Where I work I have to pass by a street where the traffic is at lights so most mornings (me half asleep) I pass around 20 cars stopped at the lights and they all just stare - I used to be kind've embarassed about it but now I just stare back and smile sarcastically and they look away!

How do you know they're looking at you? Are you looking at them?

grumpytrousers · 24-08-2004 12:39PM

munkeehaven wrote:

or has anyone noticed that when you are in an overcrowded lift that you feel nice and anonymous but if its only you and one other person in the lift you feel that you have to acknowledge thier presence somehow....this always happens to me, i never say anything but the other person always does, usually something stupid like ''oh i hate elevators'' or "nice day eh?''..i usually just stare at the door or something.

Slightly O/T but as you mention elevators - True Story

me and a few pals in college espy a stooge getting into a lift at ground floor. We reckon he'll be going up a few levels. We run up one flight and intercept lift at floor one. Sure enough, person has pressed the 5th floor.

we stand in silence until at 3rd floor, (it's a slow lift) I emitted a gutteral growl, saying I MUST FIND ANOTHER HOST BODY. (think the voice used in Ghostbusters by Zuul or something.)

my mates, as arranged, say nothing leaving our friend convinced he was hearing things.

He got off on the 4th...

climaxer · 24-08-2004 12:42PM

Gordon wrote:

How do you know they're looking at you? Are you looking at them?

Good point but yes they are looking at me because I'm looking at them looking at me

I admit I do have a nosey at people passing by too but would look away if I get caught - I think its rude to stare blatantly at someone and look them up and down thats all.

climaxer · 24-08-2004 12:48PM

fragile wrote:

I worked in Berlin for a year and had to spend over 2 hours a day on public transport, and compared to Ireland there is certainly much less akward situations as described so far in this thread i.e. people feeling that they have to talk, sitting next to you when there is a free seat etc. However I have had some really mad bus/train trips in Ireland that I genuinely enjoyed, be it due to a loony driver, striking up a conversation with somebody interesting or just a general feeling of good craic by everyone on the bus/train.....I can't remember a single bus or train journey from Berlin that I would describe as fun

The Irish are gregarious, so its only natural that we would have more of these annoying social quirks....personally I think its a small price to pay...

I agree - I've had to travel alone a few times and its nice to meet some interesting people for a chat. I was coming home from Dublin on the train and a bunch of girls sat next to me and my boyf who were going to a hen night in Kilkenny. We had a great craic with them.

ando · 24-08-2004 02:23PM

when your at the traffic lights and someone pulls up beside. You cant look in the direction of the other driver, otherwise you will perceived as a weirdo or you want a race

munkeehaven · 24-08-2004 02:47PM

another thing which has caught my attention is in the cinemas...i went to see something with my friend sometime and we were a tad late so when we went in the place was packed..unfortunately the only seats left were at the end of one line and they were on the inside so we would have to squeeze past loads of people...i didnt want to but i did anyway much to the annoyance of everyone watching the screen..my friend was mortified and was way too embarassed to do it so she just stayed at the back standing up for the whole thing! im surprised that she didnt get in trouble with an usher...she was pissed off with me when it finished saying that i abandoned her...uhhh :rolleyes:

User45701 · 24-08-2004 02:55PM

Being pollite takes up ALLOT of time.

Why cant ppl just go into a shop and say

10 pack B&H
Green rizla
Mars bar
2 pacs burger bites
Lotto

Its always

Em... can i have a 10 pac of B&H and green rizla please oh and a mars bar and 2 burger bits please anmd the lotto quickpick please... thanks *waits for shop guy to get him the lotto* cheers thanks - Bye

munkeehaven wrote:

another thing which has caught my attention is in the cinemas...i went to see something with my friend sometime and we were a tad late so when we went in the place was packed..unfortunately the only seats left were at the end of one line and they were on the inside so we would have to squeeze past loads of people...i didnt want to but i did anyway much to the annoyance of everyone watching the screen..my friend was mortified and was way too embarassed to do it so she just stayed at the back standing up for the whole thing! im surprised that she didnt get in trouble with an usher...she was pissed off with me when it finished saying that i abandoned her...uhhh :rolleyes:

THat is just
Sad!

1.She was violating fire safty regulations
2.Why did she stand? She pays for a seat and dosent use it?

Thats like those morons on the bus who stand when there are loads of seats

And she was pissed off with u? Sounds more like she abandoned you

*Sigh*

ballooba · 24-08-2004 03:56PM

User45701 wrote:

Thats like those morons on the bus who stand when there are loads of seats

This moron is 6'5" and doesn't fit into Dublin Bus seats.

munkeehaven · 24-08-2004 04:07PM

i was walking past the police station where i live and there was a woman lying on the ground outside it.totally still. only one person out of at least five peoplethat went past went over to ask her was she okay.she was drunk i think.i approached her but she didnt spaek to me at all.she was just like on the road flat out in the middle of the day.could have been flattened by a car.

grumpytrousers · 24-08-2004 04:17PM

munkeehaven wrote:

i was walking past the police station where i live and there was a woman lying on the ground outside it.totally still. only one person out of at least five peoplethat went past went over to ask her was she okay.she was drunk i think.i approached her but she didnt spaek to me at all.she was just like on the road flat out in the middle of the day.could have been flattened by a car.

when i lived in london, pal o'mine came over to visit. She's scared ****less of escalators and when she realised (as you do) that the Tube is the only way to get around, and faced with 'going underground' at Victoria she just couldn't handle it.

There she was, at the top of the escalator saying 'I can't do this'.

Fair enough, i thought, let's go by bus. People walked past looking at us, until this bloke came over and asked what the problem was. He wore no uniform - merely a member of the public. We explained that my friend had a fear and he found a guard, who pointed us in the direction of the (800 million) stairs to the northbound victoria line.

It was very nice of him to stop, but I'm not proud of the fact that all the while this guy was trying to help us, I kept thinking 'My God, he's an axe murderer'.

ie it's possible to become so acclimatised to ignoring people that you think people who help you are mad.

It's nice to be back home....

munkeehaven · 24-08-2004 04:28PM

yeah its true sometimes when you are being helpful people will think you are insane.there are some odd people around though.i just finished my summer job last week and there was this waiter there working with me who was in his late 50's and he really was weird, his eyes used to be all shifty and he kind of shuffled along like he was drugged. there are some people that i just get odd vibes off. even though i am sure people get them off me aswell....come to think of it i really did meet some truly insane people working in that hotel. i used to work breakfasts and most of the customers wree americans on holidays...i swear every single one of them seemed to have blue boxes filled with little pills that they took with their breakfast every single morning, and whenever they enquired about the food(usually the black pudding) and i told them that the black pudding was made of pigs blood they looked at me like i was some sort of freak.

The Song Thrush · 24-08-2004 04:35PM

climaxer wrote:

I hate people who stare too - its so ignorant to keep staring at someone. Where I work I have to pass by a street where the traffic is at lights so most mornings (me half asleep) I pass around 20 cars stopped at the lights and they all just stare - I used to be kind've embarassed about it but now I just stare back and smile sarcastically and they look away!

I think the worst is when you're at a bus stop and a bus that you're not getting stops while you wait for your own bus, and half the people on bus are staring out the window at you. I notice it's mostly old ladies... why do they stare at you so much?

Imposter · 24-08-2004 04:42PM

The Song Thrush wrote:

I think the worst is when you're at a bus stop and a bus that you're not getting stops while you wait for your own bus, and half the people on bus are staring out the window at you. I notice it's mostly old ladies... why do they stare at you so much?

Start talking to an imaginary friend and start pointing at them. They'll turn away soon enough.

munkeehaven · 24-08-2004 04:42PM

i guess guys and old men look at girls , girls look at guys and old ladies look at everybody....generally anyone that looks anything but the norm is stared at viciously.like a few days ago there was this really fat women in town, hideously fat now, and i couldnt help but sneak a peek at her. the worst thing and this REALLY freaks me out is when you turn around and catch someone looking straight at you and their eyes still dont budge.i have nightmares bout that sort of shyte.

Raz · 24-08-2004 04:45PM

The Song Thrush wrote:

I think the worst is when you're at a bus stop and a bus that you're not getting stops while you wait for your own bus, and half the people on bus are staring out the window at you. I notice it's mostly old ladies... why do they stare at you so much?

I generally just stare back. Eye contact, shmeye contact. I want to see what the people in the bus are lookin at/doing. Sometimes they're looking back at me, sometimes they're reading, sometimes they're asleep with they're faces pressed against the glass in wierd ways. People are interesting.

I also stare babys in the eyes when on busses or in the streets. I'm just hoping some random person will grow up with my smiling face imprinted in their minds and have no idea why!

munkeehaven · 24-08-2004 04:51PM

yeah babies stare a lot.i get a laugh when little kids look at me and say ''hey momma that girl is brown'' and the parents are usually mortified and all ''sorry about that'', but hey the kids are just making a point, little children are good at spotting out differences.one time a little girl said it when i was in mass (dont go anymore bit thats another story) and she says it out loud and i had to supress my laughter when isaw the look on everyones faces.

fragile · 24-08-2004 06:22PM

People who feel the need to have all important data printed and stored in a filing cabinet, even when it is already stored on our RAID file server, which is backed-up to tape twice a week

especially data that hardly ever changes such as ISP account details etc., especially when it is a software development company....why! why the fu(k does it have to be put in a filing cabinet

ando · 24-08-2004 06:50PM

Raz wrote:

I also stare babys in the eyes when on busses or in the streets. I'm just hoping some random person will grow up with my smiling face imprinted in their minds and have no idea why!

your weird

Flukey · 24-08-2004 07:19PM

If you are walking down the street and make eye contact with someone coming towards you, there is one thing that you can do to make it appear that you are not looking at them. As you continue instead of keeping lokking at them, don't move your eyes, so it is like they happened to pass through your line of vision.

Selik · 24-08-2004 07:39PM

I'm just can't help but stare, and I mean STARE, at hot women when I'm crusing around the place (City Centre in particular). It's impossible not to and to make things worse I'm ridiculously obvious about it as well!

One of these days I'll crash my car because of it... :eek:

dirtyharry1971 · 24-08-2004 07:59PM

Yeah maybe I'm a freak but woz on the bus last week and it was empty I had a double seat to myself which I like as I am pretty tall 6ft so it gives me some space to stretch my legs and some elderly bloke sits right beside me forcing me to huddle up against the window. This p*ssed me off but I felt powerless due to my polite nature. I just don't understand why he didnt sit in one of the many free seats available. If only he could have read my mind he would have got up fairly sharpish I tell ya

Raz · 24-08-2004 07:59PM

Giles wrote:

One of these days I'll crash my car because of it... :eek:

There are some things more important .... Keep your eyes on the frikin road!
If I ever get knocked down in the city center I'll be asking the driver if he's Giles on boards. If it's you then you can tell your friends that you got your ass kicked by a guy you crippled with your car!

Flukey · 24-08-2004 08:08PM

Giles, you should walk around town. That way you won't have the risk of crashing plus you'll have more time to look at the women, instead of whizzing past them!

elivsvonchiaing · 24-08-2004 09:18PM

I know this goes back a bit in the thread. Here goes anyhow...

I hate it when you follow all the rules and it all goes pearshaped anyhow.

Some weeks ago in work I stormed into the jax in serious difficulties. However, I did take time to observe that the end cubicle was occupied (by who - don't know - don't care - as you don't) and following etiquette went for the other end cubicle. Knowing no-one saw me come in and because of my state of distress went through the full spectrum of lavatory noises. Finally, I decide since there's no activity from the end-cubicle I'll make a move. Just then my feckin phone rang and I had to take the call.

I was mortified. Still no idea who was in the other cubicle

the rules of socialising.uhh

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