A Glass Hammer!

Okie · 2004-01-22 14:16:29

After reading some of the hum-dingers on the thread entitled The stupidest thing you've ever heard someone say It got me thinking about something along the same lines. For example, say you or a friend (to protect the innocent! :)) was new to a job or on work experience. You know the drill, being sent for a glass hammer,…

22-01-2004 02:16PM

#1

Okie

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After reading some of the hum-dingers on the thread entitled The stupidest thing you've ever heard someone say It got me thinking about something along the same lines.

For example, say you or a friend (to protect the innocent! ) was new to a job or on work experience. You know the drill, being sent for a glass hammer, rubber nails, tartan paint, etc, etc.

Anyway, what are some of the best ones you have heard?

My favourite one actually happened in my home town. Some young lad was working in a hotel kitchen. Dish washer broke down, one of the regular workers had a look in the back and goes - "Ah, I see what's wrong.We need to get a replacement fallopian tube"

The poor young lad was sent to two different hardware shops round the town looking for a replacement fallopian tube

Let the embarrassment begin....

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#2 22-01-2004 02:18PM

sionnach

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reminds me of billy connolly's youth when he was sent searching for a tin of tartan paint

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#3 22-01-2004 02:20PM

Kali

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sky-hooks.

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#4 22-01-2004 02:21PM

sparkite

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a bucket of steam, a long weight, a spirit level battery

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#5 22-01-2004 02:21PM

Sleipnir

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banana juice.

or

"we need a 'Long Stand. Wait here"

Then walk away leaving him there for his Long stand.

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#6 22-01-2004 02:22PM

Töpher

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Originally posted by Kali
sky-hooks.

About to say the exact same thing!

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#7 22-01-2004 02:22PM

Töpher

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Also, elbow grease!

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#8 22-01-2004 02:25PM

inaccessibleisl

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A skirten (sp?) ladder. Thing is, the skirten is only about six inches high off the feckin ground and only incey wincey people ala the land o' the giants would require such a ladder.

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#9 22-01-2004 02:29PM

hedgetrimmer

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Some I heard were used to use in the kitchen of the Grand Hotel Malahide were

a leg of Salmon
Frozen Mushrooms
powdered water

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#10 22-01-2004 02:29PM

_sheep

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^^^^^ beaten to it, was a bit slow posting

One of my uncles once sent my younger brother looking for a 'skirting(sp?) board ladder'. Its not a huge town so everyone knows everyone, any hardware shop he went to played along and said they were out of stock.

Oh did we laugh...

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#11 22-01-2004 02:31PM

inaccessibleisl

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Originally posted by hedgetrimmer

Frozen Mushrooms

What's so odd about Frozen Mushrooms? I have a freezer packed with them. :dunno:

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#12 22-01-2004 02:33PM

Borzoi

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Skirting ladders were popular.

If you got a particularly good site you could drive an apprentice bananas.

A: Go over to B and get a skirting ladder off him
B: I'll give you the ladder if yougo get me a glass hammer
or
B: Ah no, I don't have it, but try C over there etc

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#13 22-01-2004 02:34PM

rymus

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Used to use the bucket of steam, long stand and fallopian tubes on the noobs. That leg of salmon one cracks me up

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#14 22-01-2004 02:44PM

Dont be at yourself

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Tomorrow's newspaper.

Fucking bitch.

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#15 22-01-2004 03:22PM

hedgetrimmer

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Originally posted by inaccessibleisl
What's so odd about Frozen Mushrooms? I have a freezer packed with them. :dunno:

In the context of ordering them from a vendor I guess...you can't buy them frozen.. Anyway, freezing mushrooms is not a healthy thing to do, for certain legal values of mushrooms, afaik

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#16 22-01-2004 03:53PM

woosaysdan

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i work in a pub and one day i sent one of the glass collectors down to the cellar to change the tap water!!! he was gone for a good half hour before he copped on to it

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#17 22-01-2004 04:50PM

Victor

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Originally posted by Okie
being sent for a glass hammer,

So in an emergency, what do you use to break the window on a bus?

Originally posted by Okie
tartan paint,

They actually came up with a two colour paint, you simply prime a design you want and one of the colours is absorbed in that area leaving only the other coulour and vice versa. Not very popular though.

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#18 22-01-2004 04:56PM

inaccessibleisl

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Victor, I think you'll find that they are called 'Shatter Hammer'.

End Communication.

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#19 22-01-2004 05:00PM

SheroN

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knew a chap who went into a hardware shop and asked for the bubble out of a spirt level and another fella who was workin in a garage who went into another garage with a bucket looking for a lend of some air for the compressor...:)

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#20 22-01-2004 05:07PM

inaccessibleisl

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Well one time this woman knocked on my front door and asked did I have any milk for the baby, I said 'lady, I ain't got a baby, and you keep it down before the missus gets any ideas'. I'd say her co-workers at the dairy had a great laugh at her expense.

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#21 22-01-2004 05:10PM

Blisterman

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At work, someone gave me a bag and told me to go outside and get some fresh air. Didn't fall for it though.

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#22 22-01-2004 05:10PM

kenny

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A lad I knew at school worked in a motorbike shop on work experience, got sent out for some menstrual cycle fluid.

Apart from that just the usual classics, 'get us some chicken lips out the freezer' or 'go and ask so and so for a long stand'

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#23 22-01-2004 05:14PM

ToxicPaddy

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Bottle of blue gas.. (for the beer lines in a pub)
Black chalk (a particular fav in my school amoung the teachers)
Long stand (as mentioned already)

Tox

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#24 22-01-2004 05:39PM

Lump

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Originally posted by Kali
sky-hooks.

There is such a thing, used in lighting afaik.

John

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#25 22-01-2004 05:42PM

BKtje

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left handed spatula

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#26 22-01-2004 05:55PM

yorema

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heh best thing was when i asked my m8's ma for a left handed hammer she replied

'i don't think so you'll have to ask tony(the da) when he comes home'

rofl she came out about 5 mins after the da came home laughing telling us there's no such thing

another time while working in the red cow pub we asked the new lounge boy to go ask charlie for a long stand ahhh the poor guy was brought to the shed while charlie pretended to look for it and told him to wait there while he 'searched' elsewhere rofl the guy stood there for an hour but at least he got payed for it :P

those where the days

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#27 22-01-2004 06:07PM

TheWolf

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When working in a pub, convinced a total n00b to go up and ask the barman for a "wet dream by the neck"

Happy days

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#28 22-01-2004 06:42PM

Agent Smith

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Originally posted by Kananga
banana juice.

it exsists.....

had some about 6 months a go in dublin city center, cant remember where i got it.....

tasts like what i imagiane monkey urin tastes like monkey urine

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#29 22-01-2004 06:49PM

rob1891

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An intern I used to work with was sent to look for ether for the network once, and the poor fool got caught out a second time when asked to find some latency. One guy just told him to wait.

That's the standard of current computer science graduates!!

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#30 22-01-2004 07:06PM

oneweb

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Skirting ladder. Deep down I knew the manager (bit of a prick) was takin' the piss, but I took the opportunity to skive off and doss in the stockroom for a good while

It is what it's.

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#31 22-01-2004 07:24PM

Civilian_Target

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They tried to send me down to the stationary shop to get me to buy "Fallopian Tubes" for the photocopier, but I copped that one.

They did however, get me to order 2 "Glenswilly Tarts" at the bakers (the 2 girls behind the counter were from glenswilly.)

And they tricked me into thinking I'd lost some valuable documents that I'd had to pick up from the accountants office (of course, the valuable documents hadn't been there in the first place)

Oh well,

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