What’s your most controversial opinion? **Read OP** **Mod Warning in Post #8023**

This thread is about opinions. I would say somewhere between 60% to 90% of wives don't find their husband sexually attractive. The evidence is that only a minority of men are attracrive to women, that's reflected in an okcupid study where women rated 80% of men as below average.

Definitely not projecting, pretty sure my soon to be future wife finds me attractive.

I’m not the one on the internet projecting their opinions onto “most women”.
An opinion poll on an older dating site is not reflective of society.

Most people are pretty average looking - so average women are in fact dating equally average men. The difference is women have way more ways to level up their appearance with makeup, hair extensions, skincare, etc. That means they can come across as more attractive than men.

You see it with celebrities too. People who look amazing on camera often look pretty normal in everyday life or in younger photos. A lot of that “perfect” look comes from styling and prep, not just natural features.

Men usually just show up as they are, because things like makeup or extensions aren’t really as accepted for them (although they have caught on to the false tan image, and imo, they look ridiculous).

So it can look like there’s a mismatch, like really attractive women with average guys, when in reality they’re probably closer in looks than it seems.

So yeah, it’s less about some weird imbalance and more about one side having more socially accepted ways to enhance how they look

That might make sense if you consider attraction only in terms of looks. But in reality, attraction is waaay broader than looks. Attraction is about all kinds of things like humour, outlook, values, morals, and behaviours. I'd say most people can't really describe why they're attracted to someone, they just think they're cool. And if you think they're cool and they think you're oure cool, then you're attracted to each other.

Viewing attraction purely through looks is popular on social media at the moment. Yer man Clavicular is all over social media talking about 'looks maxing' which is just about maximising you're physical attractiveness. But the lad has no chat and of course he's single.

These lads categorise things like height and facial symmetry, but they don't get the social interactions that actually make people attractive. These guys seem to have no understanding of the social context that is the main part in making someone attractive or maintaining a relationship.

What on earth are you on about? This is like when my Dad says that the goal of veganism and vegetarianism is to exterminate all animals.

What do you not understand?

I want to punch the beatles.

I’m not sure what kinds of relationships you’re basing that on, but any marriages or long-term relationships that I know, I don’t really see that pattern. Most couples I know seem genuinely interested ('attracted') in each other. Even if they joke or complain sometimes about their other half - that kind of bickering feels pretty normal and harmless.

Saying that most women are settling for partners they’re not attracted to just doesn’t quite line up with what I’ve seen.

I also don’t really know how you’d be able to tell that a woman feels like she’s settled for someone she isn’t interested in unless she actually said the words herself. Those kinds of feelings seem pretty hard to assume from the outside. Unless it's obvious that she can't stand being in his company. But that would be rare, it's certainly not most women.

Do you have many women friends?

What fact is my opinion contradicting?

Women can't pick and choose whoever they want to marry. The man they find sexually attractive usually will only have sex with them and not want to marry them. It's nobodies fault. It just comes down to arithmetic, only a small proportion of men are sexually attractive to women, so most women will have to settle for men they aren't attracted to if they want to get married.

You're basing this on the idea that moat women find 20% of men physically attractive based on their photos on a dating app. That's basing it on physically attraction alone. You're ignoring all the normal ways that people find each other attractive in real life based on their behaviour, humour, values etc.

In other words, you're completely missing the point of attraction. Fair play if that's your experience. But it doesn't reflect most people's experience in real life.

I had to Google Pareto distribution. In attraction it might make sense for looks alone on a dating app. But you can't know someone's looks alone in real life. You have to get to know the whole person and that's all the rest of attraction.

You have probably experienced the opposite effect where someone is good looking but their personality and behaviour makes them unattractive.

This honestly just reads like some form of projection tbh. Okcupid surveys also aren't exactly a great gauge either. A guy could be ridiculously attractive in his online photos and in person, due to personality etc that can drastically diminish. Meanwhile a less physically attractive guy might be incredibly attractive in person due to traits that will outlive youth.

Where on earth is that silly number from?

Yes, of course. Someone becoming more attractive when you get to know them is everything about attraction kicking in -all the things that you don't get from a profile picture on a dating app. That's the entire basis of a relationship rather than just initial attraction of a profile picture.

It's easy to identify a good looking person. It much harder to articulate why you find someone actually attractive.

No I can't say that I have been on it.