Had to rearrange first date and now she wont meet.

Perez2017 · 06-02-2026 04:53PM #1

Dating apps are hit and miss but recently matched with a girl whom I really got on with. We swapped numbers, still got on great and arranged a date. I needed to rearrange the date and she text back to say obviously I had no interest and now she doesn't want to meet. To say I was stunned was an under statement. Are people normally that unreasonable?

CPTM · 06-02-2026 04:59PM

It's normal that some people are like that, is how I put it. But not everyone is like that. Unfortunately the worthwhile ones don't carry a sign around their neck. You just have to keep ploughing on, and keep the faith that they're out there, also going through the mess and keeping the faith that you'll eventually come to the surface for them. I personally think it's a lot harder for girls than it is for us.

fran38 · 06-02-2026 05:00PM

Seems to me she agreed to meet initially but wasn't really sure from the outset. By rearranging you gave her a get out of jail card. By blaming you she doesn't have to admit she didn't really want to meet in the first place. That's my gut reaction.

Perez2017 · 06-02-2026 05:03PM

Yeah, i was thinking she could have met someone else too.

Hoboo · 06-02-2026 05:08PM

Dodged a bullet there 😂 Nothing worse than being told how you think or feel by someone, let alone a stranger.

SineadSpears · 06-02-2026 08:57PM

I wouldn’t say most people are that unreasonable.

If you had a genuine reason for cancelling, she probably should’ve taken your word for it and given you ONE (😉) more chance.

It sounds like she may have been on dating apps for a while, had her time wasted before, and assumed you were doing the same.

If you really like her, you could explain that it was genuinelly unexpected and that you’d love to rearrange another date, and see how she responds.

Just be aware though, she might be a teeny bit sensitive - not only because you cancelled, but possibly because that’s just part of her normal personality.
It's up to you if you feel she's worth the chase.

Ann84 · 07-02-2026 05:53PM

The amount of time wasters - married, taken people on dating apps, just there for an ego boost, thrill, to send d**k pics etc is undeniable in my experience.

I’d say your girl has just met one too many of these and now has a cut and run reaction to a lot…

Airyfairy12 · 07-02-2026 11:32PM

As others have said, there’s a huge number of time-wasters and unstable people on dating apps and in general. I think a lot of people have been negatively affected by being treated as disposable or sub-human in dating and relationships, and as a result some have developed a very cut-throat attitude toward it.

It may not matter now, but how much notice did you give her, and what were your reasons? If you cancelled only say half an hour before the date, I can understand her frustration — she may have spent most of the day getting ready and possibly money as well, built excitment, nervousness, arranged her whole day around meet you... That would be quite inconsiderate unless there was a genuinely good reason. If you gave a couple of hours’ notice, she might have been more understanding, but again it really depends on why you cancelled.

Flakiness, selfishness, and inconsiderate behaviour are deal-breakers for most people who have any self-respect.

That said, it’s also possible she wasn’t very interested to begin with. You don’t really know each other, and neither of you owes the other anything. Still, people need to be more mindful of how their actions affect others — dating culture has become very transactional, and many people are genuinely worn down or hurt by that kind of behaviour.

Perez2017 · 09-02-2026 08:35PM

I didnt cancel, i just asked her could we change the venue about 3 hours before the date.

12-02-2026 02:50PM

What type of venue chat was it? upgrade, down grade, same grade? and how did you communicate it, as in did you explain or just throw out 2 "i need to change the venue" theres a load of contex missing that could matter in this case.

Perez2017 · 12-02-2026 09:58PM

Basically we were meant to meet in a town about 20 minutes from her and about an hour from me. I woke up not feeling great and asked her would she meet in a town about half an hour away from each other. It was a coffee and a walk. We got on so well through text I thought their would be no issue. I got it badly wrong.

Jim_Hodge · 12-02-2026 10:14PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124231092#Comment_124231092

You really can't judge anything from text. You certainly can't say you got on well with somebody you only corresponded with by text. She obviously wasn't interested in going to any bother for a face to face. Let it go.

Perez2017 · 12-02-2026 10:41PM

I think you are right mate.

13-02-2026 10:52AM

Yeah I reckon theres no way of actually knowing what the thought process was. Chalk it down to "it is what it is" and move on.

Rocket_GD · 13-02-2026 10:57AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124231217#Comment_124231217

Look it's the shít relaity of dating apps, they're very hit and miss.

Back when I was using them you could be chatting and texting with multiple people at a time (knowing full well they are doing the same) and really getting along but as you've never met them in person you don't really have a proper connection with them established yet so it's fairly easy to just step away from the person.

Juts put it down as one of those unfortunate times and try not let it stew on your mind too much. Also don't let it put you off apps, plenty of success stories out there using them.

Tork · 13-02-2026 12:02PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124232036#Comment_124232036

This is it in a nutshell. You never met her in person, so you have no way of knowing what she's really like. Getting on well over text just means you're nice penpals.

zoobizoo · 15-02-2026 09:31AM

That's a bit different to just changing a venue.

You did it on the day of the date and only 3 hours before the date to make it easier for you and what you perceive is just an extra 10 mins travelling time for her.

She might just see that this is how the relationship would play out in the future. You changing plans late in the day and you prioritising yourself. (I'm not saying that that is what you were doing but perception in the early stages is important).

She may have been stung in the past.

mrcheez · 15-02-2026 09:44AM

For some reason I assumed this was meeting in a city and literally changing the restaurant you were going to meet. Changing a town is a whole different game as she possibly had arranged transport there (maybe she has history there with an ex or something who knows) which would be a hassle to change...but a lack of explanation on her part shows immaturity so take it as a good thing the relationship didnt proceed.

JoChervil · 15-02-2026 10:09AM

OP, young man feeling unwell in the morning in 90% of cases means hangover. I experienced once such situation. A guy cancelled our first date. I gave him a second chance few weeks later and then wasted two years of my life for a heavy drinker. So now I would react like her…

Oscar_Madison · 15-02-2026 10:22AM

OP why did you “change the venue” ? You were either well enough to meet or you weren’t. Surely driving an extra 10 mins wasn’t going to be an issue either way for you? So why disrupt the plans- makes no sense to me

SineadSpears · 15-02-2026 11:57AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124231092#Comment_124231092

Honestly, I'd probably be P'd off with that aswel (Only because anything less than 48hrs is short notice for me. With any changes only 3hrs beforehand, my whole mood would affected).

The original location was agreed because it was somewhere you both felt comfortable meeting each other. Asking her to meet in a new area, with a stranger she met online might have been a red flag for her. Maybe it would have been better if you tried to reschedule the whole date.

Although you did mention her saying she thought you were messing her about and that you weren't interested, so maybe she wouldn't have agreed to another date either way.

It can't be helped, you were unwell and she didn't believe you. Not much can be done unless you're willing to keep chasing someone you barely know.

If you really feel there is something there and are speaking again, then maybe offer to travel all the way and meet her 10mins from where she lives so she's not inconvenienced in any way.

Perez2017 · 15-02-2026 02:13PM

We only vaguely agreed to the venue the night before the date. It wasn't set in stone so I thought she would have no problem meeting half way.

Perez2017 · 15-02-2026 02:14PM

I text her to say id travel to her to meet the following weekend and she said she had other plans made so I have left it be since.

SineadSpears · 15-02-2026 11:43PM

It could've been a brush off or maybe she did already have plans. If she's genuine and really had got plans, but still would like to meet you, then let her contact you.

You've done your part, you've offered to make your way out to meet her. The ball is in her court but I wouldn't chase any further

road_high · 15-02-2026 11:54PM

delete, ignore and or block.

Perez2017 · 16-02-2026 02:06PM

Oh i wont be contacting anymore.

Airyfairy12 · 19-02-2026 01:41AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124231092#Comment_124231092

Texting creates a false sense of connection, its quick and takes no effort, it's not genuine.

From my own perspective it sounds like she got frustrated by the last-minute change of plans and interpreted it as you not wanting to make an effort. I get why that's frustrating for you, but I can also see her side, as I said dating apps are full of time-wasters and people who talk a big game but don't follow through, and it's exhausting.

From what I've heard from female friends (and from my own experiences going on app dates), a lot of guys end up being hugely disappointing. Just the act of getting ready — hair, makeup, outfit, mental prep — already takes real effort and time. Then having to travel to meet someone who turns out to be nothing like the person they portrayed themselves to be on the apps, It feels like another letdown in a long line of them.

So yeah, her reaction might have came from that built-up frustration more than just your change of plans. It's tough on both sides, but clear communication and reliability stand out when it comes to online dating.

It doesnt matter now but for the future, if youre unwell id suggest being clear about that and reschedule the date, being sick is a good enough reason to cancel.

Had to rearrange first date and now she wont meet.

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