Will dilemma

endofrainbow · 24-11-2025 02:31AM #1

Friends of mine, a married couple have 4 kids and are redoing up their respective wills. Children A and B (married) have young children , C and D (married) no kids. A and B have suggested parents make provision for grandkids but C and D think this is unfair as it will penalise them because they are childless and cut into their share of the inheritance and anything for the grandkids should come from their own parents . Parents want to do the right thing but are torn about alienating any of the kids but for different reasons. Who is being selfish and what advice would you give the parents? They are really upset about this and are really looking for opinions on how to tackle a delicate situation.

con747 · 24-11-2025 02:49AM

Personally if it was me I would leave my children equal amounts whether they had children or not, the fact they had children wouldn't come into it.

Peregrinus · 24-11-2025 02:52AM

Let it be known that they will be dividing their estate into four equal shares, one earmarked for each of their children A, B, C and D and their respective families. If A or B would like specific provision for their children, the parents will be happy to do this, but it will not be at the expense of the other childen or their families — e.g. instead of leaving 25% of the estate to A, they could leave 12.5% to A and 12.5% on trust for A's children, to be divided equally among them when the youngest of A's children reaches the age of 18. B, C and D would be unaffected by whatever is done with regard to the allocation of A's 25%.

Note that, depending on the size of the estate, leaving money to grandchildren rather than to children could result in a higher inheritance tax bill. A and B should be advised to think carefully about this before asking for some of the estate to be directed towards their children rather than to them.

Mellor · 24-11-2025 03:30AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058428864/will-dilemma

Grandkids share should come from A and Bs share. A and B can advise how their 25% should be divided.

If A and B are expecting a bigger share because they have kids, they are being selfish and scheming.

893bet · 24-11-2025 08:27AM

A and B are scheming.

Ultimately it’s up the the parents to split. It doesn’t have to be even or fair.

One of the children may already be wealthy through luck/hard work. Parents “job” is not to distribute fairly but to distribute in a way to ensure all their children have a good life; and that might mean helping one more than another; as unfair as that might look.

Mrs OBumble · 24-11-2025 09:15AM

Opinions of A thru D are irrelevant.

Split things how the parents want to.

Rock Steady Edy · 24-11-2025 10:17AM

Awful that the parents of the 4 are being pushed into redistributing the will, and the focus is all on the money. No one has any right to an inheritance. I couldn't imagine having that conversation with my parents and there are 4 of us with different numbers of children. Unlikely they picked up the attitude from the side of a road though, and the parents may have unintentionally passed it on through their own actions or conversations in the past, and siblings A and B are destined to do the same again to their children by their own actions and squabbles.

Fairness is key here. If the will-makers set aside a nominal amount for each grandchild and then divided the rest between the siblings, that would be ok IMHO, or equally simply dividing it between the siblings and for the grandchildren to receive an amount the parents see fit from that. Or equally, if they want to leave some or all of it all to charity, that's really their choice.

steinbock123 · 24-11-2025 10:57AM

I’m one of four children. Two of us have kids, two of us don’t. Our parents left the house and contents and a small few bob to us four equally. Some of us having kids or not was never even considered a factor. Why would it? When my time comes , I’ll look after my issue in my own will.

csirl · 24-11-2025 11:47AM

Divide it between the 4 kids equally - fairest way.

Also, there's no obligation on them to discuss or negotiate. Sometimes its better not to disclose the Will contents if it causes tension. Let them all find out when the time comes.

yagan · 24-11-2025 12:09PM

Thank f my parents didn't put us through this kind of conundrum, so it was an easy equal split amongst siblings.

In the long run C and D would probably pass on something to their nieces and nephews anyway, but if they lost out because they were childless then they'd probably pass on their estates to a pet charity. I know I would.

CramCycle · 24-11-2025 12:27PM

I'd be ashamed of my kids if it was even a discussion point. My will is split equally among my kids. For my parents, we told them they should sell up everything and party hard but they don't want to but my sibling who doesn't have kids won't get less than me or my other sibling. In fact they may get more as they were more available on occasion. Money ruins a lot of families.

TLDR, split it evenly, or split it based on who done more for you when you needed it, either way, ignore anyone who tells you what to do.

blackbox · 24-11-2025 12:29PM

I would advise against leaving anything to the grandchildren unless there is a compelling tax advantage.

I've seen a situation where there was a lot of bad feeling in a family with two children where their siblings had 4 children and got a bigger slice of the inheritance.

Also, they would need to update the will every time a new grandchild is born. Children born after the death might also feel hard done by. Also not all childless couples are childless by choice.

My recommendation is to leave equal parts to each child and let them look after any children they may have.

yagan · 24-11-2025 12:32PM

Actually thinking about the fact that A and B are encouraging their parents to treat their childless siblings to less of their pie would have rewrite the will to still split equally but give A and B portions to the grandkids in trust funds that they'll receive upon adulthood.

The behaviour of A and B is very shifty.

witchgirl26 · 24-11-2025 02:33PM

Firstly I don't think that children should have a say in how their parents split their assets in a will - that's up to the parents.

I am 1 of 4 children & there are a number of grandchildren spread amongst us all. The way my mam has put it is that her will has a provision for a small amount for each of the grandchildren (less than €5k each) and the rest is split evenly. That was not down to any of us asking for it but she wants to leave something for her grandkids. When her mother, my grandmother, passed away, she didn't leave anything for us the grandchildren & it was left up to their parents as to whether they'd get anything.

JayRoc · 24-11-2025 04:08PM

Give the two grandkids a set amount each, nothing daft, then split the estate between the four kids

If I were one of the four kids I would consider that eminently fair.

mrsgiller · 24-11-2025 10:46PM

my mam left the house to her children equally and any money in her bank account after funeral expenses to her grandchildren, but we all have kids so it’s slightly different

I would like to make a small provision for any grandchildren I have when I pass.

Victor · 24-11-2025 11:31PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124014899#Comment_124014899

I largely concur. If the estate is big enough, then giving something to the grandchildren would be nice. If anyone comes across as greedy, then the grandparents need to shut down the discussion - their money, their decision.

Again, depending on the size of the estate one can give them all €3,000 a year from each grandparent, all tax-free. That might mean a nice college fund or house deposit when the time comes.

Peregrinus · 25-11-2025 01:28AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124014899#Comment_124014899

Why just the two grandkids who happen to have been born before the date the will is made? If you want to do something for grandkids, a better approach is to say that e.g. 5% of your estate is to be divided equally between all your grandkids who are living at the date of your death, and the other 95% is to be divided equally between the four children.

Or, say, €3k to each grandchild living at the date of death, and the rest of the estate to be divided equally between the four kids.

JayRoc · 25-11-2025 07:18AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124016371#Comment_124016371

I hadn't really thought to include people who haven't been born yet, but I guess you have a point.

I remember a situation in my own extended family where one grandchild hadn't been born yet at the time of the will's writing;

Without too much discussion the four grandchildren who had already been bequeathed the same amount each, each shaved off a chunk of their inheritance and threw it back in the pot so that all five got the same amount.

The obvious thing to do, and the right one .

bcklschaps · 25-11-2025 07:40AM

@endofrainbow what do you think yourself?

Big Bag of Chips · 25-11-2025 08:06AM

My grandmother was also my Godmother. As a result I was the only grandchild left a (small) few bob in her will. I bought a (secondhand) musical instrument out of it. I didn't expect anything and was honoured to have been given something. I still have the instrument, and still think of it as "Nanny's"

If the grandparents want to leave something to the grandchildren I would suggest a token amount of cash. The rest divided between their children equally.

Oscar_Madison · 25-11-2025 08:55AM

Firstly, delighted that so many people agree that equal split between the siblings is the fairest way forward and I agree in general with the sentiment expressed about siblings a and b.

However, it does depend to some degree on the value of the estate at death.

The siblings are entitled to inherit 400k each tax free- so assuming the estate is valued at 1.6 mill, they all walk away with 400k- that’s simple and straightforward.

If their estate is over 1.6mill, inheritance tax will kick in on the balance- it’s here that the grandparents might consider their grandchildren - they can inherit up to 40k tax free.

But- in addition to the above, the grandparents can also gift their grandchildren up to 3000 euro tax free EVERY YEAR whilst they are alive - that’s possibly the way forward here if the grandparents are concerned about the reaction of their children to their wishes.

One final observation - considering the two siblings with kids are making waves even now- it’s not a good sign around levels of trust between all 4 of them- you would imagine that normally, siblings look out for their nephews and nieces - especially when they don’t have kids themselves- and especially in their wills when they pass- it may well be the case now, that the two siblings without children, may decide to will their estate outside of the family - siblings a and b are simple money grabbers and are looking at things from a very narrow and shorterm perspective

mayota · 25-11-2025 09:16AM

Nursing home costs don't be long eating through money.

Hooked · 25-11-2025 11:04AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124013601#Comment_124013601

THIS. Times a million.

I'm one of 4 boys. I'm the eldest. But I'm also child-less (married).

If my parents decide to leave the lions share of their inheritance will to my youngest brother, then that's THEIR decision.

My wife has a brother and a sister. The brother is a miser. If he found a plaster, he'd cut himself. Plenty of money. Her sister is 'counting' on inheriting a shít-tonne of money from her husbands side… and yet, if my mother in law decides to leave the contents of her will (she hasn't one by the way, thinks she's going to live forever) to the 3 of them, equally… again - that's HER decision.

Anyone (like A,B,C and D above) who think they have a say in someone else's will, is… IMO… a greedy cnut.

Dial Hard · 25-11-2025 11:06AM

My siblings and I didn't get anything from any of our grandparents' estates and I presume it was the same for our cousins. I honestly didn't even know that was a thing that people do, tbh. My own parents are splitting everything equally between the five of us. Look after your kids and let them look after their kids, would be my view.

HurlingBoy · 25-11-2025 04:18PM

The key thing is that it should be the parent's decision on how estate should be split. Splitting equally might not be fair either as possibly 1 child might be looking after parents so possibly deserve more. It's wrong for any siblings to try and influence. It's often said that you can treat children equally when it comes to wills but you can treat them fairly.

endofrainbow · 26-11-2025 10:58PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124016445#Comment_124016445

knowing the individuals involved, I think it should be equally divided between the 4 children and if A and B want to give something to their own children, it should come from their share. A has always had An Bèal Botch and quite regularly tapped his parents for €50 here and there citing how times were hard with a young family.

I think A and B are being sneaky and I agree with C and D. Ultimately it's the parents decision and I'll show them this thread.

Boardnashea · 28-11-2025 09:30AM

Most often the estate will pass to the remaining spouse on the death of the first. It is completely in the hands of the remaining spouse to amend their will as they see fit.

There are grounds to appeal a will if dependents are not provided for, but that does not appear to be the case here. Putting pressure on the parents to amend their wills, or offering uninvited advise, could be seen as inappropriate, and might not end well.

Respect their ability to make their own decisions.

Soc_Alt · 28-11-2025 09:36AM

Split 4 ways between the 4 Children. Grand kids should be irrelevant.

A&B can split their share with their kids.

Will dilemma

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