Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

One-Liner Jokes

1…195196197198199201»

Comments

  • #6002
    Fishdoodle
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 582 ✭✭✭Fishdoodle


    And The Lord said, “Come forth and receive eternal life”.

    But John came fifth … and won a toaster.



  • #6003
    xlogo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 975 ✭✭✭xlogo


    My girlfriend borrowed £100 from me. 3 years later we separated and she returned exactly £100.

    I lost interest in that relationship.



  • #6004
    Fishdoodle
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 582 ✭✭✭Fishdoodle


    I went to see a fortune teller today but they were closed due to unforeseen circumstances.



  • #6005
    xlogo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 975 ✭✭✭xlogo


    Got my wife a job in MI5 so i don't have to hear about how her day went.



  • #6006
    everlast75
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,093 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    Daffynitions

    Abdicate (V):

    To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

    Elect a clown... Expect a circus



  • Advertisement
  • #6007
    everlast75
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,093 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible.

    I'm an eighth-theist.

    Elect a clown... Expect a circus



  • #6008
    barneygumble99
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,494 ✭✭✭barneygumble99


    A man loses 3 fingers in an accident. He asks the doctor ‘Will I be able to drive with this hand’? Probably ,he said, but wouldn’t count on it.



  • #6009
    barneygumble99
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,494 ✭✭✭barneygumble99


    My teacher said I’d be no good at poetry due to my dyslexia. So far I’ve made 2 jugs, an ashtray and a vase. Who’s laughing now.



  • #6010
    xlogo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 975 ✭✭✭xlogo


    On this day in 1988 George Michael had a Chicken Bhuna at a restaurant in Bradford.

    Whilst taking his order the waiter asked him what his favourite accompaniment is with a curry.

    "Well I guess it would be rice." George replied.



Advertisement