Post Separation Difficulties

Hello

I posted here a year ago about my relationship problems, I was trying to save my marriage at the time and a lot of the advice I got suggested my husband was cheating on me. It was a hard pill to swallow but it made me think back and realise certain clues that suggested he probably had cheated may times over the years and long story short I found out horrible evidence of recent infidelity. I ended the marriage there and then and felt the greatest relief and freedom. I wasn't even sad.

Fast forward a year and instead of moving on with my life I'm worse off then ever, my ex seems to be getting crazier by the day and determined to make life hell for me. I left the family home with my children as he wouldn't leave and I was forced to sleep on a mattress on the floor of the living room for many months and clean up around him and do all the household chores as usual, I also was afraid of him as he was intimidating me and the atmosphere was not far on the children. I moved out with the children but months on and he still keeps bringing up how I absconded with the children and how unacceptable it was. Despite me telling him 2 months prior in writing that I was seeking a place to live as he had refused to leave!

When I have to contact him about co-parenting matters he will use the opportunity to talk down to me, insult my parenting, call me a liar, a bully, a manipulator, and say that I absconded with the children and conspired against him. But all worded without abusive language as he is a clever person. He is now saying that I am harassing his mother and that he has discussed this with his family, utter rubbish. All of this is just bizarre and untrue and I hate that he is spreading lies about me.

I am at a complete loss about it all and so drained. I email back fact based responses and advise him I won't respond to non co-parenting related matters. But he persists. I wonder if he is just having some sort of mental breakdown but this is going on 3 years now. I feel it's the elephant in the room that nobody is talking about. Nobody wants to get involved. I reached out to his family before we split and told them about the drug use and my concerns about his mental state but nobody got involved. It's no longer my place or problem but it's me that is getting the hassle all the time. I thought it would have eased off by now.

My solicitor had to write to him many times including asking him to refrain from criticism of me. He just ignores it all and does as he pleases and refuses to get legal representation to move things along. Refuses to contribute maintenance and says he should have kids more if I cannot afford to care for them and that he can offer them a better house than my current living circumstances.

I met his family at a public event recently, where my children were with me and his mother came over to me and hugged me and his other family members were all friendly with me too but it's like we all just pretend nothing is happening. I want to maintain a relationship with them for my children's sake and I think my ex feels threatened by this.

I just don't know what to do about it all. I'm in counselling and I'm happy that I'm away from him but I still feel controlled and bullied. I feel so frustrated that I have to be silent and take it all, friends told me I should reach out to his family but I think they have chosen not to contact me about the issue so I have to respect that.

Any advice on how I can actually make changes in my dynamic with my ex. Would love to hear from someone who can relate to this madness.

Thank you for reading.