In love with coworker. Accused of Harassment.

I am quite old now so my memory way back is very hazy but I was collecting my thoughts a few months back and "remembered " a woman I had had a relationship with which was quite detailed (places we had been together etc).

As I tried to recall more of the time, it dawned on me that this was just a woman I used to see on my way home from school and that I fantasized about.

Guessing now that that led to a few dreams starring herself around the time that later I mistook for reality.

50 yrs later the dream lives on!

I feel so sorry for this young woman OP. You have made her feel so uncomfortable and anxious in her workplace that she felt she had no option but to report you to HR. Despite her rejection of all your attempts to get to know her, ie asking her out, adding yourself to her lunchtime group, sending gifts etc, etc, you still did not get the message.

She has zero interest in you, does not fancy you, does not want to get to know you, does not care whether you change your appearance or improve yourself, does not have any feelings of love or attraction towards you, does not want you in her life in any way. She made it very clear but you ignored it and still want to go on with your own agenda.

She repeatedly said no. IMO, you must forget about her, leave her alone, stay out of her orbit, respect her wishes, respect her boundaries, stop being a pervy nuisance, stop scaring her, stop pestering her, stop the creepy stalky behaviour.

Maybe you have some old-fashioned and out-dated idea in your head that sustained pursuit of this woman will turn you into the person of her dreams, or she will finally see you as her hero/love of her life. That’s pure fantasy. You have the wrong idea if you think she is just blind to all your charms. She is not. You mean nothing to her except that you are disturbing her peace of mind and her sense of safety and security. Your behaviour could have serious consequences for her mental health and her life. Just stop.

Get some get professional help.

The point is it's not right or wise to use your workplace as a dating service to meet women there's plenty of dating apps or other places to go to meet women .look at dating shows on tv most of the time the couples are not a match .Move on and try and forget her .yes you ,ll probably have to go on a lot of so so dates to meet someone where there's mutual attraction and a reason to go on a second date .

Do people actually believe the OP?

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To be clear i was only referring to the direct name calling on the thread. Of course it happens the other way, but if the OP were female i doubt people would be as quick to label them, that's all.

OP re ascertaining her reasons or feelings for rejecting you so you can try to fix them is just prolonging your fantasy/infatuation. Instead of accepting the reality that it's never going to happen and going through that hard process your mind is taking the easier route for it and you by grasping at straws. Stop. Stop approaching her, stop trying to contact her. Think of someone who fancied you in your past who you had zero interest in, do you remember why? No one does, you just remember there was absolutely nothing they could or would have done to change your mind, if they even registered with you that is. This is the same situation.

As for 'dangerous', some are getting carried away with themselves, there is no indication that you're a danger to her or anyone, just perhaps to yourself. Tell yourself that it's not going to happen, if you're struggling to listen because of working in the same place, change jobs. You aren't the first and won't be the last for this to happen to so don't feel alone. At the moment this is still a storm in a teacup in the grand scheme of things, keep it there.

as a woman I find this kind of attention very scary.

Especially if it’s from an older man.

I am entitled to feel safe at work and reading the constant come backs from the OP is quite scary to me.
seems like there’s a refusal to accept the views of others here who are fairly unanimous.

That is something I would personally find scary

The OP's response to so many posts basically telling him the same thing has been to completely ignore the advice given. This raises two issues. Why ask here in the first place? And, more disconcerting, it makes me fear for the well being of his co-worker, because I have a feeling he is not going to let this lie. There is a complete inability to see how this affects the woman in question. I suspect this will not end well for anybody.

deleted as quoted post was removed.

OP - On the first point. It's not about deserving help. You need it. And yes, your behaviour at this point is creepy towards this woman but considering you say you've had relationships in the past, I'm presuming that it isn't always like that. It's creepy because she has said no & you continued to send her gifts etc. She returned the gifts & you still continued. That is the creepy element. If you had stopped when she said no & left it, not creepy.

And for the second part. You're not paying attention to her feelings. She made them clear when she said no, returned your gift & reported you to HR. How much else do you need. She doesn't want a relationship with you where she tells you her feelings. You're asking for outside perspectives, well here is one. Leave the poor woman alone! She has said no & told you no with her actions repeatedly. You are not going to persuade her into a relationship. You are however going to end up without a job if this continues and potentially with a criminal conviction if she goes to the Gardai as a lot of the instances you've noted could be considered stalking & harassment.

I remember reading an article years ago, it was a journalist speaking of the type of attention the OP showers this person with. They set up two profiles on a dating site , sending identical messages to women, one as the average Joe, and one as this high flying modelesque dude.

The messages were very direct and to the point, declarations of love, and the need to express that physically. The average Joe guy was either blocked, or called a creep or loser by all, while the same person sending the same exact messages, as the modelesque dude had nothing but offers of dates and sex

This is life, the girl gets to decide, and she has decided in your case. What the journalist proved is that the same actions, from someone a girl liked, would be seen positively, not creepy, so maybe it's unfair to call you creepy, or weird, but you can't force someone to like you, need to accept that.