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Ending a long relationship while sharing a pet?

  • 03-03-2025 12:51AM
    #1
    about to break up
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1 ✭


    Hi all,

    I’m with my partner nine years. We’re best friends but there’s no spark. It’s just over two years since we last had sex, and it wasn’t frequent in the years before that (a few times a year).

    I’ve not ended things yet because he’s away visiting family but I will soon. I’ve accepted it’s over and I’ve gotten the feeling he’s come to the same conclusion lately.

    We adopted an abandoned chinchilla seven years ago who’s getting on in age (about 10 years old) and we’ve had a couple of health scares with him recently. Chinchillas average 10 years but like any other animal, they can well outlive that.

    We moved house once and it was very stressful for him. He was chewing his fur and went off his food for long enough that it was touch-and-go on whether he needed to being admitted to the veterinary hospital. At his age now, I’d worry he wouldn’t survive another move.

    We both love him dearly. We discussed the possibility of breaking up in 2023 and the biggest problem was what happened with our chinchilla. He requires a lot of time and attention too so I’d worry it would be too much for one person.

    If we ignore the stress it would place on our pet, renting is expensive and it’s hard to find a place that takes pets. We have a three bedroom apartment (one bedroom is his home office) and looking at Daft, our apartment is a steal. If he was open to it, is living together for the foreseeable the worst idea?

    TLDR: I want to break up with my partner but we share an elderly pet. Is it a bad idea to stay together so we can both continue to own and care for the pet?



Comments

  • #2
    89897
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 353 ✭✭89897


    Its a bad idea to stay together unhappy for kids, its an even worse idea to stay together unhappy for a dog.



  • #3
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,951 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123227052#Comment_123227052

    i somehow think it would in fact be much worse to stay together for kids rather than a dog, some perspective here!

    it probably wouldnt be a good idea to remain to live together after breakup, neither can truly grieve the end of the relationship by doing so, but since our train wreck of a housing market is the way it is, this could be the only option on the table…..

    best of luck op



  • #4
    ELM327
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,101 ✭✭✭✭ELM327


    "We discussed the possibility of breaking up in 2023 and the biggest problem was what happened with our chinchilla."

    This is the most concerning part of your post IMO, clearly you've already broken up.



  • #5
    Jim_Hodge
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,087 ✭✭✭✭Jim_Hodge


    I'm dumbfounded. A chinchilla? You'd stay miserable over an old rodent that won't live more than a couple of more years? This can't be real.



  • #6
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,951 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123227146#Comment_123227146

    'empathy', is a thing!



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  • #7
    noodler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,382 ✭✭✭✭noodler


    Living together whilst separated will be beyond tough

    The first.time one of you brings someone else home or whatever.



  • #8
    Mellor
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40,377 ✭✭✭✭Mellor


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123227052#Comment_123227052
    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123227083#Comment_123227083

    Dog? I think you have to do a bit of googling lads.



  • #9
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,646 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123227146#Comment_123227146

    What a callous comment. People can and do love their pets as part of the family, species isn't necessarily a deciding factor.

    Anyway, OP, it kind of already sounds like you are split up but living together, you just haven't made it official yet. I do think staying in your current situation any longer than you have to isn't really a great idea, though.

    Is one of you keeping the apartment (and the chinchilla, obvs) a possibility if you break up? That seems like the best option.



  • #10
    89897
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 353 ✭✭89897


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123227225#Comment_123227225

    I thought it was chihuahua! Either way, still a bad plan. If one person is keeping the apartment then let the pet stay there to minimise the change stress



  • #11
    charlessmith22
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 48 ✭charlessmith22


    Seems like the dog is being used as an excuse to remain in your comfort zones. You've a decent set up with your best friend but it's clearing unfulfilling on a romantic level. That would be OK for some people but only you know what you really want from life and nobody here can help you with that decision. But take the mutt out of the equation for starters, you'll sort something on that front after a break up.



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  • #12
    con747
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,237 ✭✭✭con747


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123229117#Comment_123229117

    Read the room. Chinchilla is not a dog.

    Don't expect anything from life, just be grateful to be alive.



  • #13
    YellowLead
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,026 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    Could one of you move out and the other sublet a room to help pay for the cost of the current place?

    Are either of you bothered about meeting somebody else? Sounds like you’ve been friends and that’s all for a few years so if there’s no romantic attachment you could stay living in the same place as friends - but of course this may be difficult for any new slope either of you are dating to get their heads around.



  • #14
    tea and coffee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,862 ✭✭✭tea and coffee


    The issue is not just the chinchilla but also the cheap rent.

    When your pet dies, will the cheap rent keep you living together?

    If you're not fighting and miserable, could you live as housemates?

    Agree with pp though that this will make moving on and future relationships difficult though



  • #15
    squonk
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 10,531 Mod ✭✭✭✭squonk


    Dog free to good home or the pound. Enjoy your lives apart after that.



  • #16
    alroley
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,289 ✭✭✭alroley


    Why does everyone think a chinchilla is a dog?

    Anyway, I would advise one person keeps the chinchilla and stays living in the same place.



  • #17
    notAMember
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,745 ✭✭✭notAMember


    Untitled Image

    Chinchilla.

    OP, people with pets, when they break up, one will keep the pet, the other will visit.

    If the chinchilla needs more time and attention than a single person can provide, then you need to solve that separately. Either a companion chinchilla, or some care for the chinchilla etc.



  • #18
    spakman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,288 ✭✭✭spakman


    Has to be a wind up!

    Staying together so as not to upset a fat squirrel!?

    ----—-—

    Breach of Charter - warning applied

    Post edited by Hannibal_Smith on


  • #19
    SuperBowserWorld
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,530 ✭✭✭SuperBowserWorld


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123250555#Comment_123250555

    It's a wind up thread.

    -----

    Breach of charter - warning applied

    Post edited by Hannibal_Smith on


  • #20
    Hannibal_Smith
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,425 ✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Folks as per the Charter:-

    Off topic posts and unhelpful posts will not be tolerated.

    And:-

    If you have an issues with a post or a thread do not post "I think this is a troll" as it will be considered off topic posting. Report the post. 

    Warnings applied for breach of charter. Report a thread you have an issue with. If you have no advice to offer that is in line with the charter move on to another thread.

    HS



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