My brother moving home from Australia with wife and 3 year old

tylerdurdan2025 · 19-01-2025 05:23PM #1

My brother who has been living in Australia for the past 20 years has decided to move back to Ireland with his wife and 3 year old son . I have just bought a new 3 bedroom house and they have already hinted at staying with me . I have been living alone for 20 years so I am not sure how this would work out and if I decided to let them stay here how long do I let them stay and how much if any rent should I charge them ? Both will have to find jobs when they come home and they aren't the most qualified

Nigzcurran · 19-01-2025 05:24PM

Just don't! Recipe for disaster 9 times out of 10. Especially a single person used to their own home and then having 3 extra people running round the place

watchclocker · 19-01-2025 05:27PM

Avoid whatever way you can

What's their rationale for moving home at this particular time, given the housing shortage?

gipi · 19-01-2025 05:30PM

I second Nigzcurran's comment - don't do it! You know how the housing market is at the moment, even if they get jobs, the cost of rent may well keep them at your place much longer than you'd like.

I have had a "lodger" for the best part of 2 years now, while their house was being renovated. I am used to living alone. We have been friends for years, but I just want my own place back for me (and hope my buddy and I don't fall out for good in the meantime)

LambshankRedemption · 19-01-2025 05:34PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058389964/my-brother-moving-home-from-australia-with-wife-and-3-year-old

Danger, Will Robinson!

This whole scenario is fraught with problems.

Did he give any reason why he wants to move home? Does he know about the housing crisis? They wont just need jobs, they will need to find a GP, not easy in the current climate. What are they experienced in and where abouts do you live? If you live in the middle of nowhere, them staying with you would be more of a hindrance if they have city-based job-type experience.

Could you maybe get some house renovations done to the house so you have a plausible excuse to say no to them living with you? I live alone too and can't imagine sharing my space with anyone for more than a couple of days. You probably dont know the wife very well, and have no idea what she is like to live with.

If it was me and i was living in Australia, I would not be moving back to Ireland in its current state.

tylerdurdan2025 · 19-01-2025 05:35PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073620#Comment_123073620

here parents are seperated and live in different parts of Australia . They dont have much support

Dial Hard · 19-01-2025 05:35PM

Assuming this is genuine...

Absolutely not. They are not your problem. Let them sort an Air B&B/short term let/move in with either set of parents. If they get their feet under the table in your place, you are never getting rid of them.

Also, and I cannot stress this enough, after 20 years of living alone, you will literally not be able to cope with the stress of having your space invaded by anyone else, let alone three other people, one of whom is essentially a toddler. You know the phrase "Hell is other people"? That will be your new life if you agree to this.

Seriously, do not even consider this, not for so much as a nano-second.

radiotrickster · 19-01-2025 05:36PM

That’ll be a huge adjustment for everyone. Ireland isn’t the same place your brother left. Is his wife Irish? He’ll have a small support network, she may have no-one but him and you.

Is your brother the type to chance his arm at moving in for a ‘short while’ but actually stay for weeks/months?

They’ll struggle to get accommodation here and it won’t be as pressing an issue if you give them the option of staying with you (especially for free!).

If you do choose to let them stay, you might feel greedy but try to charge around market value. That’ll be incentive enough to keep them searching for their own home, because they won’t be saving money by staying with you.

At the end of the day it’s your brother, so you need to decide how much you’re in a position to help him out. You can al ways offer support in other ways, like babysitting occasionally or keeping an eye out for them with the job hunt.

tylerdurdan2025 · 19-01-2025 05:37PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073652#Comment_123073652

To clarify , she's Australian . Here parents are separated and they don't have much support over there

LambshankRedemption · 19-01-2025 05:46PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073652#Comment_123073652

I know this is going to sound harsh but "they dont have much support in australia", by hinting at moving in with you, they are making you their new support network. A couple with a toddler should not need that much support. Not so much that the need to travel half way around the world just to get support from you. Are you sure there is not something else going on?

If they were in a non-English speaking country I could understand wanting to come home where things are familiar and more welcoming, but its Australia. I was in town earlier, walking around Tesco. Based on the various different languages i was hearing, I'd wager there are more Irish people in their local supermarket, than were in my local Tesco here today.

Australia = English speaking country with high levels of Irish diaspora. They should easily build a support network of their own over there. Especially if he has been living there for 20 years.

You have not mentioned the rest of your family. Maybe you have 3 or 4 other brothers and sisters, and nephews and nieces for babysitting and help with things, but if it is just you, I would be questioning this decision in detail.

Seth Brundle · 19-01-2025 05:51PM

Have your brother & the wife secured work yet? Will they be able to afford rent, etc?

Are you prepared to be a bystander (in your own home) to a married couple having an argument, which is likely to be a common occurrence initially given the stresses of loving continent? Are you prepared to have a small child writing on your walls and all the other things normal kids do?

LambshankRedemption · 19-01-2025 05:58PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073715#Comment_123073715

The OP said in the opening post they will need to find work. Despite officially us being at 100% employment, the job market is extremely tough at the moment. Take it from me. Them moving in with him with no job secured… they will not be moving in for a couple of weeks, it could take months for them to find jobs.

tylerdurdan2025 · 19-01-2025 06:03PM

My parents are still alive and I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters . They are basically coming home to be close and have more support from all of us . Myself and my parents are the only people in the family that could put them up as the rest don't have their own homes for a variety of different reasons (low skilled jobs and disability etc)

Geuze · 19-01-2025 06:05PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058389964/my-brother-moving-home-from-australia-with-wife-and-3-year-old

Can they purchase a house here with the proceeds of the sale of their house in AUS? As house prices are very high over there, they should be able to purchase here.

3DataModem · 19-01-2025 06:10PM

Your options are

let them stay and charge them something close to a market rate. This is a bad idea because you don't need lodgers so you are downgrading your life for no reason, and they can pay market rate for their own place. They will also treat your place like their home, because they are paying you, as they should.
let them stay and charge them less then market. This is a bad idea as they will always be incentivised to stay with you as everything is so expensive etc. You are downgrading your life for no reason AND have very sticky lodgers who will stay with you for way longer.
let them stay and charge them nothing. Again, always incentivised to stay, but at least they are not paying so don't get 'entitled' to your home over time. I'd have a hard date for them to leave e.g. "Jane and Max are coming to stay for a month in June, so you have to be fully out by 1st June no matter what". Of course, it doesn't have to be strictly true, but that's your business.
don't let them stay. You get some bad feeling from them (and other family members) for a few weeks, and then back to blissful living alone.

19-01-2025 06:29PM

Get a lodger in now. Maybe a student who only needs it for 3 or 4 days a week. Great excuse to say no

Princess Calla · 19-01-2025 06:29PM

Honestly there are loads of parents that don't have support that just get on with it, so that's very much a moot point.

They are making a well informed decision coming home, so let them get their ducks in a row before they make the move.

There is absolutely no upside for you in this arrangement.

So no, unless they had jobs lined up and a house sale agreed , so you'd know it was a maximum of 6 months (even that's pushing it) then no.

But the "let's land on your doorstep and we'll figure it out from there" absolutely not!

893bet · 19-01-2025 06:43PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073774#Comment_123073774

Then let them live with their parents.

There is no upside for you. None.

I am willing to bet they have a house in Ais that they won’t sell and will rent out as they want to keep their options open.

You will need to be blunt and tell them no. And under no circumstances agree to a “few weeks while they get set up” and it will turn into months and lead to fall out.

banie01 · 19-01-2025 06:47PM

Surely after 20yrs in Australia, your brother can arrange to buy a new home here before they come back?
The "not much supprt" line, really?
Family support is important, but if its the driver behind them leaving Australia because her parents split up?
It just strikes me as very, very odd.
If the support system there is predicated upon just 2 people, and those 2 folk splitting up has left them in a situation that "support" is untenable?
With her being native, and him being there 20yrs, it strikes me as something being drastically off.
It doesnt pass the sniff test.
Something just seems very, very odd about it.

They may just think the grass greener here, and good luck to them if thats what it is.
But, while supporting your sibling is important, housing them indefinitely in the midst of a housing crisis?
When they seem to be voluntarily taking a risk with zero plan other than relying upon your generosity?
Well, I'd tell my siblings to jog on.

tylerdurdan2025 · 19-01-2025 06:49PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073784#Comment_123073784

They are renting in Aus

LambshankRedemption · 19-01-2025 06:50PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073932#Comment_123073932

Yeah… I think the OP is not being told the full story. As you said, it smells off.

ingalway · 19-01-2025 06:53PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073663#Comment_123073663

They are grown ups. Why do they need 'support'? Are you to be their support when they move back - free babysitter/child minding?

Unless they have enough cash saved up they are never getting a house and will be with you for years. They are not your responsibility.

tylerdurdan2025 · 19-01-2025 06:54PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073932#Comment_123073932

Yes its an odd situation , whats also odd is they were with each other almost 20 years before the child came along . The parents split up over 20 years ago so it really has nothing to do with it other than they have no real support now with the child

Rubberchikken · 19-01-2025 06:58PM

They're adults.

Let them do their homework before they head back. I'm sure the net would inform them of housing shortage, rent prices etc.

It's very tough to go back to having others in your home if used to it being you especially with a 3yo too.

Probably sounding mean but too late when they're in and what happens when life just gets turned upside down.

LambshankRedemption · 19-01-2025 07:01PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073951#Comment_123073951

The child is 2? I don't have kids, but I thought the hardest part is the first 2 years when theres nappies and crying and sleepless nights. Thats the bit when you really need a support network.

If they were both Irish, living in a non-English speaking country, I would have more understanding of their desire to come home.

What you have described however, seems… suspicious to me.

spakman · 19-01-2025 07:13PM

He's your brother. If you have a good relationship with him, and you value it, help him out.

Just lay down some conditions in advance e.g. they need to pay their way - bills, buy their own food etc

And make it clear its temporary, you have your own life and routine and are delighted to help but can only offer them a place to stay for X months.

Princess Calla · 19-01-2025 07:26PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123074005#Comment_123074005

But it's not his brother, if it was his brother I'd agree with you, but also iron out time-frames etc.

It's a whole family moving in. The dynamics will be completely shifted.

Guaranteed the wife will take over and a whole new set of rules will be made.

Children come with so much clutter.

Then there's "overnight guests" , I'm no prude but I wouldn't be happy with random overnight guests around my toddler....which is fine in my own home.....but what happens if the wife starts having issue with this?

No the dynamics is too much of a shift the OP will be a guest in their own home....nope!!

herbalplants · 19-01-2025 07:37PM

Sounds to me your brother has been surfing for the last 20 years! No offence. Now him and the wife have responsibilities, surfing no more and want to land here. Do let them in but tell them it is limited offer 6 months let's say!!

spakman · 19-01-2025 07:57PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123074046#Comment_123074046

Well personally I'd try to help out family.

Maybe you'd rather tell him to find his own place from across the world and add that stress to him. I'd prefer to help for a few weeks.

I'd be a bit offended if my brother living on his own in a house wouldn't help us on our move home.

deisemum · 19-01-2025 08:00PM

I along with some friends who lived abroad moved back to Ireland once we had young children and it wasn't for babysitting or free childcare, we wanted our children to know their grandparents, cousins and extended family.

Now as a mother of a son in Australia and I'm coming up to three hours home after being in Australia to visit him if I got a sniff of him wanting to move home I'd be over the moon despite being worried about him finding somewhere to live though as a mother I'd be only too happy to have him stay with me for a short while but I wouldn't expect his brother to accommodate him and his family.

billyhead · 19-01-2025 08:01PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123074079#Comment_123074079

Bad idea. Once you let them in, it will be hard to get rid of them. Brother and all he is as the saying goes give them an inch and they'll take a mile.

My brother moving home from Australia with wife and 3 year old

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