Lack of resilience in brothers

OP, don't waste your time trying to get through to your parents. Absolute waste of time and energy. They resided over this mess. It's very common in Ireland, my own parents stuck their heads in the sand when confronted with trying to make changes in our family due to addiction issues and the rest. Shouting and roaring and bitterness. It's very frustrating I know, but the sooner you accept it the better it will be for your own mental well being and more you can just move on with life.

You've mentioned heading abroad a few times. Go for it, but have a good plan. My GF went to Thailand to teach English for a few months and she came back with a new perspective. Would upskilling also help you with a move abroad? Things to think about

i have asd myself, so….

i suspect most of your family may also have it, since its a genetic disorder, as is the case in my own family, im the only one officially diagnosed, but….

theres a lot of dysfunctions occurring within your family, your parents dont mean it, as they are lost in it themselves, either one or both of your parents are also on the spectrum, but clearly are not aware of this, i.e. theyre not self aware, theres very little you can do about that, the penny kinna has to drop with them, as was the case myself, i realised myself before my own diagnoses, late diagnoses….

id mirror others, paddle your own canoe, this requires professionals, id also recommend some therapy for yourself, so you can navigate all of this

its heartbreaking tbh, theres a lot of pain and trauma within your family, but you can do very little about it, just look after yourself first, then go from there

enabling behaviors would be common with disorders such as asd, its ultimately down to state failures in providing critical supports needed over prolonged periods, resulting in significant dysfunctions, again, asd is a genetic disorder, so one or both parents have it, but are completely unaware of it, i.e. theyre struggling themselves and are unable to understand whats going, what needs to be done, and since communication deficits are a part of the disorder, effective communication of the issues fail to happen….

this in turn can result in serious issues in time such as suicide, or suicide attempts, as is in this case, and again, the state fails to act and react, the health system has completely failed to appropriately react to the suicide attempt, specialists such as psychiatrists, phycologists, therapists etc etc etc, should be all over this case, and not just with the person that has made the attempt, as with such cases, theres generally far more complex and dysfunctional family dynamics at play, which has lead to the attempt

these issues take time to play out, and can be very evident for years leading up to such events, but critical state bodies such as the health system and the welfare system, completely fail to act in time…

…and here we are again, little or no state reaction, and in some cases, the completely wrong reaction!

Just to echo what most others here have said; my own brother was the same situation. Late 30's, no job, no motivation, stayed in his room all day smoking weed and playing his Playstation. No amount of head banging against the wall could move him. And my parents 100% enabled the behaviour. I eventually had to take a step back and set a boundary because it was stressing me out so much. I couldn't make my parents change their behaviour, so I had to just change mine instead. I wouldn't discuss the situation any further with them or listen to them whinge and moan about having to loan him money or do his washing.

You can't force your parents to take any action against your brothers, therefore you need to do what's best for you. Find any way possible (including emigration) to remove yourself from the toxic household. Set boundaries with your parents about what you will and will not discuss, keep yourself right and work on your own life.

…its very possible the op has been the 'parentified child', if so, thats another thing to be addressed in therapy…

…unfortunately the autistic brain doesnt work like a neurotypical one, so waiting for the autistic person to 'pull themselves together' simply doesnt happen when serious dysfunctions exists, this is where the professionals are required, again, placing onus on the individuals to do so simply wont work, so the outcome will simply be even more dysfunction….

…ultimately this just costs the state, i.e. the taxpayer even more in the long run, when little or no state interventions occur….

…and again, no they are not 'adults', autism is a 'developmental disorder', this means the person with the disorder has 'developmental delays', and when appropriate interventions do not occur, this generally results in significant long term dysfunctions, and long term damage, to the person themselves and to those surrounding them, i.e. they cannot resolve their problems without appropriate professional supports….

As someone mentioned this situation is actually pretty common in towns and villages all over Ireland, where grown men in their 40s or even 50s are still living at home, with all the frustration and projection that goes along with it. It can be any number of factors that cause it. Years of unemployment and mental health struggles can sadly keep a person living at home, even when they are improving and want to change their life. The housing situation in this country right now makes it next to impossible to rent or buy if you are on a low wage or have no savings.

This can infantilize adults who end up still in their bedroom at 45, getting their clothes washed and meals done by their parents, playing games, lashing out at those around them. I know a family where the dad died young and there are 3 sons living with the mother, aged 41, 45 and 50. The mother is 74 and I feel sorry for her as it must be very stressful. OP you can't change anybody only yourself so I would just focus on making the best life you can for yourself and pray for the rest of your brothers. There isn't anything else you can do.

…again, this is not 'normal' adult behavior, as theres clearly serious developmental delays occurring…

…there is actually an onus on society at large to intervene, the individuals themselves would in fact be deeply unhappy and ashamed of their situation, but are unsure how to change…

…again, society did not react to their needs, they cannot change themselves without interventions…

…but yes, the op effectively cannot do anything about this, but can make changes for themselves….

I can see where your coming from, and agree but it's really hard to ignore and not have that "need" to help your siblings esp living in the same house as you. Its hard, frustrating seeing those you love in this suitation. It's unnatural.

I can see how the op is making it their business, it's a sad and desperate suitation to be, speaking as someone who is experiencing something similar. I get what your saying about not making it the ops business, I just have to put it out there it's really not as easy as some may think.

mother more than likely struggles with anxiety issues, which leads to controlling behaviors, tis messy stuff….

Its well recognised how mother's tend to mollycoddle their sons. When i was 21 my dad took me aside and in no uncertain terms told me to "get out and see the world, travel and make a life for yourself". I was kinda taken aback at the time but in hindsight, he was absolutely correct and solely the best bit of advice/ tough love he ever gave me. I'll be giving the same advice to my own children.

op, if you re not on social housing lists, it would be a good idea to do this also….

…its understandable why many people with such issues do indeed remain long term unemployed….