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Toxic Colleague

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  • 07-05-2024 11:40am
    #1
    Stripes99
    Registered Users Posts: 35 ✭


    Please advise what I can do.

    I've been in my job quiet a while, getting on well and performing. A colleague of mine has recently created drama and for some reason decided to plonk me in the middle, which has led to our manager getting angry and upset with me...the things that are being said have either been twisted to make me look bad or they are straight up lies, my manager has said that I need to cut off all non work communication with this person and as far as my manager is concerned its been dealt with.

    My issue is things my colleague has insinuated are quiet damaging and my worry is that it won't stop, and I could lose my job.

    Up to this point I thought we had a good relationship and I have confided in the past but now I know I cannot trust them but how do I stop this person from continuously being negative?

    Thanks all help needed PLEASE 🙏

    Tagged:


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    #2
    Mrs OBumble
    Registered Users Posts: 25,809 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble


    Every workplace has some of these to some extent.

    As you get older, you get better at identifying them, and giving them no ammunition. ( Or the pro version: feed them contradictory stuff and wreck their head before they do yours!)

    Can you look for a new job?

    Post edited by Mrs OBumble on


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    #3
    tinytobe
    Registered Users Posts: 2,339 ✭✭✭tinytobe


    It all depends on the relationship you have with your manager.

    Try to reason with your manager, speak about your work, your performance and how much you like the job.

    But also state that with this colleague, it's never working out.

    If he understands and you've been there longer, you might be in a good situation.

    If not, and your manager doesn't get it, a new job would be inevitable at some point. Would, doesn't have to but would if your toxic colleague doesn't stop from what he's supposed to stop from.



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    #4
    Stripes99
    Registered Users Posts: 35 ✭Stripes99


    Thank you for taking the time to reply, this situation is making me so upset, I've now been given permission to work from home fully, and my manager has said they are dealing with this, he has advised I have no communication with this colleague unless it's specifically work related, these comments and stories have been detrimental and this colleague is unbelievably narcissistic it's scary.



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    #5
    Pauliedragon
    Registered Users Posts: 2,557 ✭✭✭Pauliedragon


    That's a complete cop out from the manager. It's a case of "if I move the problem out of my site it'll go away". Go to HR and have a record of the issue. Keep records of every interaction you have with this individual that you feel is inappropriate. No job should put anyone under this amount of stress. Your manager has said they are dealing with it so at some point ask where the situation is at because it seems like he/she is happy to just sweep in under the carpet.



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    #6
    Stripes99
    Registered Users Posts: 35 ✭Stripes99


    Update: I have been working from home since, it's going ok, my work is top notch, I did have to attend a meeting recently though, and this person has spread their negativity to new members of our team, I was completely isolated, they all went off for coffee together, chatted amongst themselves and blatantly ignored me...it was awful, since that meeting not one has reached out to me, no-one has questioned this individuals accusations or negative comments they simply believe them. But the light at end of tunnel this person is looking to move jobs due to non performance..maybe it will get better??



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    #7
    Ted222
    Registered Users Posts: 228 ✭✭Ted222


    If your manager accepts your word that this colleague is telling lies about you that is negatively effecting your reputation and good standing in the company he/she should be doing more than just encouraging you to stay out of sight.

    If it’s an ongoing and recurring issue, it amounts to bullying and your company should have a policy on how it deals with such instances. Use it.



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    #8
    NewClareman
    Registered Users Posts: 1,458 ✭✭✭NewClareman


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122168678#Comment_122168678

    Firstly I empathise with you in this situation. Interpersonal issues happen to most people in their working lives. My advise is to ride this one out. Your manager has told you they are dealing with it and the fact that the other person is looking for another job bears this out.

    There is nothing to be gained going a more formal route, at this stage. If your colleagues are taking sides it could make things worse. Let the dust settle and see what happens. Hopefully this person will leave and things will get better.


    Best of luck.



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    #9
    Jim2007
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators Posts: 10,097 Mod ✭✭✭✭Jim2007


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122168678#Comment_122168678

    Regardless of labour law, everyone is entitled to their good name and this is particularly the case when it is you professional reputation and your earning ability that is being impacted by it. If it were me, I would be making it very clear to management that if they don't act then there will be legal consequences for failing to do so and I would also be making it clear to this individual, that they will personally fact legal consequences if they ever utter another negative comment about me.



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    #10
    Mrs OBumble
    Registered Users Posts: 25,809 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122190634#Comment_122190634

    The problem with legal consequences is that you have to be able to prove what the person did.

    OP, it's likely that your colleague is on a PIP, with one of the issues being their lack of professionalism. The manager has to give them the opportunity to improve. It looks like they are not taking advantage of this opportunity, but still the official process is that it needs to be given it. And part of that looks to everyone else that the manager is "doing nothing"

    You should be leaning on your manager to sort out the team's behaviour.



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    #11
    caviardreams
    Registered Users Posts: 5,466 ✭✭✭caviardreams


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122190918#Comment_122190918

    Agree. Defamation is very hard to win. There is no way colleagues will go on record as witnesses for negative office gossip. They "won't remember" or else will likely side with the bully for their own protection and to stay out of it

    Plus the legal bills and publicity for the wronged party. Taking a case that somebody wrongly accused you of X, instantly makes people consider if maybe it is true - plants the seed so to speak - that's how manipulators succeed.



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    #12
    Augme
    Registered Users Posts: 5,368 ✭✭✭Augme


    These are always very difficult situations to deal with. If a person is spreading rumours about you and turning colleagues away fro you, then going in with all guns blazing with legal letters to the organisation, to your colleague and to colleagues you don't knwo asking to be witnesses is not likely to win you many friends. If anything, if will do the opposite and further alienate you with your colleagues.

    At the end of the day, you don't necessarily need your colleagues to like you. Keep your heard down and let the other colleague leave and keep doing your job well. Doing your job well will go a lot further than coning in and starting legal action.



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    #13
    Stripes99
    Registered Users Posts: 35 ✭Stripes99


    Thank you all for replying. My colleague tried it again this morning, accusing me of not using the system correctly and coming across as "highly unprofessional "and not only emailed me but copied in our manager and some of the team, I was so tempted to reply back and retaliate but i didn't and thankfully my manager reassured me and has said she has a meeting scheduled next week, to discuss this and also my colleagues probation, I'm delighted to be at home working so I don't have to see them but honestly I am hoping they fail probation now. I have been up each night, anxious and some nights in tears, I have come through a tough battle personally this is something I do not need..... thanks again



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    #14
    Mrs OBumble
    Registered Users Posts: 25,809 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122191795#Comment_122191795

    OP - your manager is spectacularly idiotic: they should be addressing this now, and they should not have told you that the meeting next week is about the colleague's probation. (Yeah, you all know the colleague is at the 5.5 month mark, and that there are issues - but still the manager should not be discussing it with you.)

    I'd be job-hunting. No job is worth being in tears over.



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    #15
    Jim2007
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators Posts: 10,097 Mod ✭✭✭✭Jim2007


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122190918#Comment_122190918

    In my actual experience you don't because it never goes that far. In particular when the individual involved understands there they personally will be on the hook they decide to either hold their tongue or get out.



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    #16
    CuriousCucumber
    Registered Users Posts: 214 ✭✭CuriousCucumber


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122191795#Comment_122191795

    How did your manager communicate this to you?
    If I was in your shoes, this is what I would do

    Schedule a call with my manager, with a prepared list of all the issues you have experienced.

    This meeting needs to be today or tomorrow. As soon as possible really.

    At the beginning of the meeting advise your manager at, that you will be email them minutes of the meeting at the end

    Explain to them that it needs to stop immediately, and ask have HR been informed.

    Explain the impact that all of this is having on your personal well being.

    Ask them for a detailed plan on what actions they are going to make this stop immediately. Advise them, that working from home is not a solution, and provide details of the exclusion you felt recently.

    They have a duty of care to you, and if they are not fulfilling it, bring in HR, and failing that, consider legal action (ideally it with wont have to go past your manager)



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    #17
    caviardreams
    Registered Users Posts: 5,466 ✭✭✭caviardreams


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122193172#Comment_122193172

    I would bet 100% that HR are already aware of this and the manager is actually taking advice and guidance from HR on how to handle it. HR will just direct you to their complaint process and start a world of endless delay, denying and deflecting to frustrate you



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