Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Dealing with a covert narcissist in separation process

  • 04-04-2024 8:26pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 21


    Does anyone have experience in separating from a covert narcissist?
    Does mediation work? Or did you have to take legal action?
    Struggling with this - anyone with advise to offer, it’s greatly appreciated.

    Thank you 🙏🏼



Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 7,960 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    This is an extremely broad question with little detail provided.

    But it’s often best to go through a legal process regardless of the kind of people involved. If they agree to mediation - that’s a good first step and take it from there. If they don’t, then you’ll have to go the legal route from the get go.



  • Registered Users Posts: 21 chloe2009


    thanks

    I think if someone has dealt with or separated from a covert narcissist they will understand the question.

    Was the mediation successful to conclusion?
    Or did they continue to lie and manipulate in the mediation process? Leading you to eventually have to go legal anyway.

    The reality is that mediation costs money, legal route costs even more money and in many cases to do with a narcissist - both are required, so the spouse ends up completely broke - which is what the narcissist wants.

    I’m just looking for peoples past experience in this precise situation, if they willing to share, if that wasn’t clear from my post.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 579 ✭✭✭HazeDoll


    Almost everybody who has broken up with somebody since about 2010 has diagnosed their ex as a narcissist of one sort or another.

    OP, nobody here knows your ex, and even if we did we wouldn't be able to predict their behaviour better than you can. My advice is to keep things amicable but distant and all above board.



  • Registered Users Posts: 21 chloe2009


    I’m not diagnosing anyone, this is the actual situation and diagnosis. Please do not belittle the situation. Not everyone is throwing the NPD diagnosis about.

    Ive received numerous replies via DM, from people who have actually walked through the process, which has been very helpful indeed.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 579 ✭✭✭HazeDoll


    I was really referring to the number of people who might try to give their tuppenceworth on the basis that they have meaningful experience of dealing with narcissists, when in fact they just broke up with somebody they don't like.

    If your ex has an actual diagnosis of NPD then you would be much better off consulting a psychologist.



  • Advertisement
  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,188 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    @Chloe2009 PMs are strictly against the Charter in Personal Issues. This is in the best interests of both parties. If anyone is sending you a PM on the back of your thread we ask that you report it to one of the Moderators of the forum.

    HS



  • Registered Users Posts: 21 chloe2009


    Madness. I’ll remove my post.



  • Administrators Posts: 14,690 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    @chloe2009 as per the note from the moderator above we have a very strict rule in this forum regarding PM contact. As @HazeDoll rightly points out you have no way of verifying the identity or the legitimacy of any poster who contacts you off thread. You don't know if they're being honest or not.

    Most people are genuine. Some people might see you as being in a vulnerable position and easy to manipulate for their own gain. This is why we ask people not to engage in communication off thread and to keep it on thread so we can monitor and moderate the replies if needed. Everyone here is anonymous. So there's no need to reply privately.

    Please do not engage in PM exchange with anyone.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 743 ✭✭✭marilynrr


    A difficult person is likely to remain difficult the whole way through.

    Do you have kids? Do you have many assets to split? or should the legalities be pretty straightforward?



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,733 ✭✭✭Tombo2001


    Short answer is No, I have no experience of it.

    The only advice I'd give is what Haze Doll said, to consult a psychotherapist.



  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,587 ✭✭✭FishOnABike


    If you are married then it will have to go through a legal process anyway.

    No point in going through a judicial separation and then a divorce, that only increases overall legal costs.

    If mediation doesn't reduce the number of contended legal issues or the other party is not willing to engage in mediation, then it's not worth pursuing although in applying for a judicial separation or divorce one has to be advised of the option of mediation.

    The point of mediation is to make the situation easier, identify the things you can agree on and try to resolve things you disagree on thereby reducing the overall emotional and legal costs. If it is not achieving any of that then the alternatives need to be looked at.

    Only you know your circumstances and how the other person is responding or will respond to any mediation effort. Mediation requires a degree of cooperation and honesty.

    It is worth trying but go in with your eyes open and if it isn't working, know when to call it a day.



  • Registered Users Posts: 30 stokesdiva


    I didn't go for mediation as I knew once I was in the room I would go quite and agree to everything that he would say. As I just can't do confrontation with him. So my solicitor agreed that a judge would sort out assets and child. A good solicitor will tell you this.



Advertisement