Is it acceptable to have a second starter after your main course, instead of a dessert?

Uncle Pierre · 04-03-2024 02:10PM #1

As per thread title - if you're out for a meal in a place that offers a three-course set menu, and you don't have a sweet tooth, is it acceptable to ask for a second starter after your main course, instead of a dessert?

Especially if the menu also has individual prices on all items, and the prices of starters are approximately the same as desserts anyway, give or take a euro or two?

I did this once, a year or two ago - was still peckish after my main course, didn't fancy of the desserts on offer, and instead asked for the chicken wings from the starters section of the menu. I acknowledged with the waitress that it was probably an unusual request, but she brought them anyway.

However, when out for a meal again with my wife last weekend, I suggested I might do the same again. She stared at me and said "if you do that, I'm walking out". I just had an ordinary dessert instead, even though there were about three starter items that I'd rather have had.

So - which of us is right or wrong here?

FWIW - no marital arguments will come of this. I'm curious to see what other people think, but I'll just be ordering desserts when out with my wife in future, no matter what's said here!

Gregor Samsa · 04-03-2024 02:14PM

Tell your wife that later on in the boudoir, you'll give her a second "starter" after the "main course". Obviously wink while saying so.

She'll come around to the idea.

Oscar_Madison · 04-03-2024 02:15PM

It’s more to do with the timing of the request - the time to ask is when you’re first ordering ie “ I don’t want a desert can I have a second starter instead please”?

Deserts tend to be stored in the fridge with little prep required- if restaurant is busy you could be waiting a while for the starters again - restaurant staff won’t really like you much as it puts extra pressure on them - your fellow diners may not like it as they’ll be waiting longer for their deserts.

You “can” ask- but really I’d be partly on your wife’s side on this one - order it at the start of the meal or not at all - yes yes I know you won’t know then if you’re still hungry - tough 🤪

It will probably arrive out with your main course not after it .

If it wasn’t a set menu you can order what you want after main course but if I were your wife I’d be insisting on my desert asap and not to wait around for cooking your second starter 😀

Ten of Swords · 04-03-2024 02:17PM

Op if she walked out like she threatened to then you could have had her third course, maybe bagged another starter for yourself. You missed a trick there.

Oscar_Madison · 04-03-2024 02:24PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121848517#Comment_121848517

He’d have to pay then - couldn’t use the “forgot my wallet darling” excuse

amacca · 04-03-2024 02:27PM

You probably shouldn't take my advice OP, but Id be of an opinion they are providing a service and you are paying for the service so I'd ask for whatever the hell I wanted. They can always say no.

If they say no fine, Id probably go to the locations where they do provide what I'd prefer if that's an option.

As I get older I'm developing a growing a distaste for doing things a certain way or according to custom or convention if I'd rather do it another way that would suit me better (its a very limiting way to live life imo)...and on top of that fook what people think (they are only people after all).

In fairness though I'd probably front load the request as mentioned earlier as there are sound logistical/organizational reasons for that.

Ps: I don't think I'd get on well with your wife😂, which you are probably delighted to hear!

Uncle Pierre · 04-03-2024 02:58PM

Thanks to all for the replies so far - including the couple in the real "After Hours" style. 😁

Good point by @Oscar_Madison re. the timing of things.

The one time I did ask, I was with my wife and two children on a hotel break, where we going to be staying at the table in the bar/restaurant for some time after eating anyway, and I did say it was okay to bring out the desserts for the others first - it wasn't a case of Junior having to wait longer for ice cream because Daddy's chicken wings weren't ready yet!

Anyway, normally I'd just have a starter and main course. If we're eating in a pub or a hotel bar, "dessert" tends to be a pint and a packet of crisps (or two).

Suppose question really relates to if you're staying somewhere on a dinner and B&B package, and the dinner part of the rate you're paying entitles you to a three-course meal, so you may as well order something for the third one.

Has anybody else ever asked for a second starter instead of a dessert, or am I as weird as my wife seems to think?

Yeah Right · 04-03-2024 03:04PM

I've done it in Luigi Malone's before, again with chicken wings, they are that good.

freshpopcorn · 04-03-2024 03:21PM

If it's an A la Carte thing I don't really see the issue.

It might be an minor inconvenience to the staff if the place was busy.

If it's a set menu thing they maybe an extra charge but there's no harm in asking.

If it's a wedding/funeral type thing I wouldn't ask tough.

elperello · 04-03-2024 10:58PM

Anti social behaviour is what it is.

I wouldn't like to be at the same table.

I'm tucking into a nice sticky toffee pudding and a cup of coffee and you're there sucking dirty greasy chicken wings.

Yuck 🤢

Jim2007 · 04-03-2024 11:16PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121848746#Comment_121848746

You can always ask, but if they refuse or even worse charge you extra it’s on you. Your three course meal is a starter, main and desert and trying to convince any reasonable person or a judge that it means anything else will give them a good laugh. Mind you if it made the local paper your wife might take a view on it.

I usually don’t take a starter and if there is a fixed three course meal and someone is a la carte, my local restaurant will offer them my starter or will reduce my bill a bit. But the waitress is the owner and she offers, I would never ask.

Ginger83 · 04-03-2024 11:32PM

Order what you want

Years ago when I first met my wife I went out one Saturday morning with two brothers for breakfast. A full Irish with toast and tea. When we were asked if everything was okay and if we would like anything else one of them said I'll have the same again. The girl thought he was joking but he wasn't and then the other brother said ah sure there's no point putting on the one breakfast sure throw one on for me.

The wife and I still laugh about it today

Feisar · 04-03-2024 11:36PM

À la carte, knock yerself out. Set menu, no.

bcklschaps · 04-03-2024 11:57PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121851038#Comment_121851038

That story made me laugh 😂 but the reality is they must have been fairly stingy full Irish breakfasts if the two boys were able to eat two of them each....in one sitting.

Uncle Pierre · 05-03-2024 12:02AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121850875#Comment_121850875

Sticky toffee pudding? That's a yuck to me. There you are, gobbling down some sickly sweet spew, while I'm sitting there with an appetite that's not quite satisfied yet either, but you're denying me the thing I'd like myself.

Could be said that's not very social behaviour by you either. 😁

elperello · 05-03-2024 12:11AM

Looks like separate tables for us Uncle P.

Maybe even separate restaurants 🙂

Greyfox · 05-03-2024 12:15AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121851204#Comment_121851204

Next time just get the extra starter 🙂

Capt'n Midnight · 05-03-2024 01:04AM

Before Catherine the Great (1762 to 1796) introduced courses all the food was plonked down on the table and it was "stretch or starve".

sporina · 05-03-2024 01:13AM

you can ask for what ever you like, as long as you do it politely - the worst they can say is no..

beachhead · 05-03-2024 08:18AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121848746#Comment_121848746

Never heard of anyone asking for a 2nd starter.But as posted before if it's A La Carte menu then aske for whatever you want.If it's a set menu some places might get "upset".,ask anyway.

beachhead · 05-03-2024 08:18AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121851359#Comment_121851359

Stretch or starve on the rack,haha

daheff · 05-03-2024 08:28AM

Your wife is right. If it's a set menu then that's what it is. 1 starter 1 main 1 dessert.

lainers99 · 05-03-2024 08:39AM

When booking the table or just as you arrive, say you are diabetic and can’t eat anything too sugary so would prefer 2 starters rather than risking a dessert. See how the staff react. I think it’s ok saying it then, but not if you leave it until it comes to the time of ordering desserts.

sydthebeat · 05-03-2024 08:59AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121851581#Comment_121851581

Especially in some restaurants if you on the last sitting, your 'starter' chef may be gone from the kitchen and / or their station closed / cleaned once the last round of starters are out.

I'm that case you should really order the second starter at the beginning rather than waiting till the dessert order

bikermartin · 05-03-2024 09:23AM

If dessert's not your vibe but you're still craving something tasty, doubling down on a second starter just feels right. And hey, if they're both priced the same, it's like hitting the jackpot, right?

Uncle Pierre · 05-03-2024 10:55AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121851565#Comment_121851565

You're not the first to say that here, but have you ever noticed how it doesn't actually say that on any menu?

Here's an example from another place we were last year (The Heritage in Killenard) - https://www.theheritage.com/cmsFiles/blake_s_spring_menu_2024.pdf

It just says "2 course meal €45. 3 course meal €55."

It doesn't say "Meal consisting of main course and choice of starter or dessert, €45. Meal consisting of starter, main course and dessert, €55."

Furthermore, it just says "Package dinner includes 3 courses". It doesn't say what the courses have to be. You could probably even push it and argue that there's nothing stated there to prevent you from ordering three main courses...but that really would be pushing it!

Anyway, I was okay for dessert there, because I had the cheese, same as I'd always do if it's on the menu. Don't know why more places don't offer it, when it's surely among the easiest of all to actually serve up.

blackbox · 05-03-2024 11:00AM

If you don't want a sweet dessert, ask for a cheese board,

It has less of a caveman vibe.

Bob Marley Park · 05-03-2024 04:18PM

If you pay, why not?

On a set menu / Prix fixe, a chef would have the portions for each dish calculated. He/She could well end up a starter short.

Seve OB · 05-03-2024 04:22PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121851056#Comment_121851056

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121851565#Comment_121851565

In your opinions

but can always ask the restaurant.... if they say yes, they are a decent outfit, if they say no... they might loose your custom

can always tell them desert doesn't sit well with your diabetes and a starter would just be healthier for you instead

iamstop · 05-03-2024 05:28PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121853315#Comment_121853315

Lose, not loose. 🙄

IMHO, no harm in asking but as some poster said before, ask towards the beginning. Don`t wait until the end or you might be disappointed. As far as people mentioning manners or social norms etc, get over yourselves. By the sounds of things from the OP, it was a semi formal dinner at most. OP is entitled to walk out sate, be it on appetizers or desserts. His choice, assuming the place can accommodate. Sometimes they only have a set amount of servings of each course to reduce waste. In that case, accept it and move on. Just be civil to the servers.

csirl · 05-03-2024 05:41PM

Ive a brother who likes desserts. When out for a 3 course meal he usually asks for 2 x desserts instesd of a starter. Most places are happy to oblige.

Is it acceptable to have a second starter after your main course, instead of a dessert?

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