Ashamed

emilymemily · 26-01-2023 10:28PM

Since he ghosted you id guess he's not as great as you think he is. Ghosters are usually immature time wasters that cant communicate, you dodged a bullet.

Traceyfinn00 · 27-01-2023 02:58AM

Thanks Emily yes I think no matter what mistake a person u slept with made ghosting them when all a person wanted was a I'm no longer interested and wish me well.but obviously I was noting more then sex to him all the week lead Up,him texting and calling telling me how amazing was all bullshit

Big Bag of Chips · 27-01-2023 07:19AM

Tracey, you are trying to push all blame on to him. He was texting you telling you you were amazing. Maybe he thought you were. But your behaviour on the second date made him feel that maybe he'd gotten you all wrong.

Yes, maybe it would have been nice to get a text where he let you down politely. But it also would have been nice for you to stay sober at least until you got to the date. You need to stop blaming him for backing off and ignoring you, and look at your behaviour and drinking. I've said it before and I'll repeat it. If a fella had turned up to a second date with me, pissed, I would be very offended. I would most likely block his number, and never contact him again. It would be a major red flag for me and would maybe signal just what sort of relationship I should expect if I continued with him. It shows a huge lack of respect, and possibly a drink problem. Not something I'd be willing to stick around and give a chance when there are plenty other people out there to date.

If a woman posted that a man turned up drunk to their second date after having sex with her on the first date she'd be advised to steer clear and not go back for a third date. She'd be told he clearly had no respect for her, it was a sign of things to come. Block his number and move on. She owes him nothing etc.

Yes, a text might have been nice to let you down gently. But after one date and one evening tolerating you drunk while he was sober, he owes you nothing. You need to look at your own behaviour and "own it". Otherwise you'll always be looking for someone else to blame rather than deal with yourself.

Tork · 28-01-2023 01:34PM

This is an incredible story but anyway....

Tracey, I've seen numerous threads from you here and you have an unerring knack for finding creeps and messing up your life. You come across as somebody who's vulnerable and exercises poor judgement. While I agree that turning up p*ssed for a date isn't good at all, it may have saved you on this occasion. This guy is dodgy and you chose to ignore the warning signs. Ireland has pretty good mobile phone coverage so being out of contact for that reason makes no sense. it also would make it difficult for him to do his job, because most people on the road need to be contactable. I'm also intrigued by why he needed to book a hotel room despite living near you. Aside from his assumption that riding would be happening, why could you not just go back to his place or yours? You were just his bit on the side and you were complicit in his cheating. If you struggle to read the cues from the men you keep on unearthing, can I offer you one piece of advice. Don't sleep with them on the first date. That'll shake off a certain % of the ones who just want to get laid. If a man is interested in you as a person, no nookie on the first date won't put him off.

Dial Hard · 28-01-2023 02:07PM

I too remember your many previous threads, OP, and I don't think the issue here is the fact that you inadvisadley got a bit pissed on your second date; it's your ongoing, inherent lack of self-worth because of your facial "issue". And I've put that in quotation marks because it's an issue for you rather than for anyone else.

You consider yourself so far below deserving of anyone's attention that you are willing to accept it from anyone, regardless of how poorly they treat you or how incompatible you are together. As long as this is the case, you'll continue to settle for a succession of chancers, narcissists and downright w@nkers, and then be so puzzled at and upset by how they make you feel that you'll behave as you did here, wonder if the fcuk-up was your fault, second-guess everything and thus the cycle continues.

You need to forget about men for a while and get yourself into some serious counselling with someone who's qualified to deal with your particular self-image issues, and discover how to value yourself as a whole, intact, human being who is worthy of the space they occupy in this world. Until you do that, you'll keep finding yourself in these situations.

You are more than just your facial difference.

Iseedeadpixels · 28-01-2023 02:17PM

In all seriousness Tracey I hope you'll move on from him, there have been some harsh comments here so don't take them to heart.

JoChervil · 29-01-2023 12:59AM

Tracey, I think the way he was treating you for the whole week, like not being able to contact him etc. made you nervous more than usually. Our subconscious works all the time and knows better than our conscious mind. You deserved much better than being treated like a booty call, so you got nervous and drunk too much. It indicated that this guy was not for you, if he set you on such a destructive path. Next time, when someone makes you feel this way, notice it and run, not drink to numb yourself.

I think that others have a good advice for you. You need to strengthen yourself first to be able to deal with creeps. And check, if you are not developing drinking problem.

rolling boh · 29-01-2023 10:11AM

The only good thing to come from you turning up gargled was to stop you getting involved with a guy who doesn't appear to be as single and free as you thought .Not going to repeat the good points already posted by others good luck to you and heed the points about drinking etc already posted .

xzanti · 29-01-2023 10:42AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120169525#Comment_120169525

Sounds married to me for sure. Or has a long term girlfriend. Probably kids too. The burner phone gets switched on right before his dates. IMHO.

mykrodot · 29-01-2023 11:00AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120163040#Comment_120163040

I think he had every right to "ghost" the OP...............if that's what you want to call it! I'd do the same and I am female, if a man turned up drunk. Stop putting the blame on the man here, it is entirely the fault of the OP. She needs to grow up and take ownership of her own issues. Its not attractive to be drunk on a date and its not attractive to then be begging for "closure" after 2 dates, this was not a relationship! Apologies if this sounds harsh, but it's the truth.

Duvet Day · 01-02-2023 03:11PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120172696#Comment_120172696

She turned up drunk, yet he slept with her and then ghosted her, his behaviour sounds much worse than hers imo. He's a ****k.

midnightblue · 01-02-2023 05:47PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120187603#Comment_120187603

He slept with her on the first date. There is a difference.

01-02-2023 06:04PM

I think he is not for you. Please do not feel ashamed. I have a good friend, and was friends too with her lovely late husband who sadly died of cancer a couple of years ago. She is a quiet lady, never drinks much, he was a lovely man who enjoyed a glass but not to excess, loved coming to my annual little party. I once asked how they met up, they said she was living in a flat in Ranelagh back in the 70s, and he came to one or two parties in the flat where she was extremely drunk on both occasions, most uncharacteristic of the person she became! She was so drunk on both occasions she got sick all over him! Yet he saw something compatible, and wanted to get to know the sober version of her. They fell in love, had a very happy marriage, and she still laughs at the “show” she made of herself initially.

Now unless your guy had had a particularly bad experience of alcohol previously in his life and was put off by his encounter with you because of that, it is likely enough he got as much as he wanted either way, ie a one night stand.

Maybe next date with somebody start off with coffee and a walk, or a day out, (maybe finishing with a drink) so he sees the real you. It’s very natural to be nervous on initial dates.

Duvet Day · 01-02-2023 07:51PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120188411#Comment_120188411

I read it wrong, thought it was the same night.

YellowLead · 02-02-2023 08:42AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120188959#Comment_120188959

Thats the way it read to me too initially. OP if you are still reading can you clarify?

Traceyfinn00 · 02-02-2023 12:16PM

Hi yea we slept together on the first date.....he booked a room and asked to meet at the hotel initially I wasn't happy he booked a room as he only lives 20 minutes from me but I thought oh he probwants to have a beer and not get a taxi home.....either way I wanted to sleep with him as I fancied him and we got on so well,the whole week after he initiated contact with compliments and ideas of future date's....the second date his phone was off for hours and I had a drink at home as was a bit upset then he rang said he was out of coverage and he meet in the hour but was 3 hours later he arrived at whitch point I was very drunk

Kurooi · 02-02-2023 01:05PM

What do you want to happen? You had a one night drunk hook up.That's all it was.

If you want a proper relationship don't start dates with a 3 hour drink session, and don't jump straight to sex. You acted like a hook up, you got a hook up. Pardon him if he's not making marriage plans just yet. Beautiful thing is, this is your business, your secret, if you're ashamed you can let it be in the past, move on and do better.

02-02-2023 03:09PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120191500#Comment_120191500

Did you sleep together on the second date also?

Traceyfinn00 · 02-02-2023 07:10PM

Yes we did

bottlebrush · 02-02-2023 07:43PM

You said in an earlier post that you were left feeling used. Well if you wanted to sleep with him because you fancied him, he didn't use you. The thing is, you had different expectations after that first date than he had. If he was as into you as you were into him, he would have made sure to have phone coverage and be on time. If it was the other way around, wouldnt you?.

I don't think it would have made any difference at all if you were drunk or not on the second date.

YellowLead · 02-02-2023 07:54PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120193583#Comment_120193583

Then it wasn’t the you being drunk that was the issue. He wanted the ride, got it easily twice and had no further need to pursue.

03-02-2023 08:41AM

Forget about this man, hes not good news. Block and move on but use more caution next time

Tork · 03-02-2023 02:17PM

This tale gets taller by the hour. So now we're expected to believe that this guy (1) had no phone coverage for hours on end and (2) opted to pay a lot of money for a hotel room in Dublin because he didn't want to take a taxi home. What next? A child seat in the back of his car? A piece of lego in his luggage?

Ashamed

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