Ashamed

Traceyfinn00

Hello I'm lookingbfor some advice from anyone who has done something stupid while drunk met this lovely mas 2 weeks ago chating nonstop had a great first date he seemed very keen so we agreed to meet again only I stupidly had way to many drinks and arrived very drunk to him I'm not a big drinker maybe every few months but what ever I did r said he has gone completely off me I text next morning apologised for my behaviour he said it was fine he. Me again sometime but he has gone cold and completly gosted me ibxan understand him nit wanting to see me again I fucked up but to be ghosted after we had sex that night I feel is a chappy thing to do I asked him if he wanted to leave things but no reply he just gone silent for 3 days now

Iseedeadpixels

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058281185/ashamed

I honesty think he was just after sex, I see it all the times, hes lovely at first, gets what he wants then ghosts. Do your best to move on from him.

Traceyfinn00

Possibly but I feel so guilty and ashamed of my behaviour he seemed so into me until I got drunk we had sex tge first night too tgere was a big attraction and I wanted to sleep with him but this second time whatever I did drunk he has disappeared

Iseedeadpixels

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120154641#Comment_120154641

Nothing to be ashamed of, like I said he probably does this a lot.

YellowLead

This happens all the time. I doubt him ghosting is connected to your drunkenness.

What you need to do in future is be wary if somebody seems overly into you, it could be love bombing. It’s better when people take things semi slowly and get to know each other, it’s more genuine.

Have sex on the first or second date if you want to, but don’t do that if it’s upsetting for you to be ghosted after, because sometimes people are just looking for sex. Experience will be able to weed that out 90 per cent of the time. But remember - just because somebody says they are really into you and texts a lot doesn’t mean they are, you don’t know them enough in the early stages to judge this. So if you’re not after casual, take things slower and with a degree of caution.

Danzy

I'd bet my bottom dollar that he hardly noticed your level of drunkness or that it effected his decision.

He wanted the ride and that was all.

TheadoreT

Probably unrelated to ghosting but maybe when writing or texting guys you should slow down and check for spelling and grammar.

It would be a turn off for me if you wrote like you have here. Small things can matter.

NiceFella

Write it off to experience. He was looking for a ride and nothing more as far as I can tell.

If you are looking for something serious, slow down on the drinking. Ideally you would want to be fairly confident without it and if that's not the case then that's something you need to address.

Plus be a bit more guarded, people can get sucked in by people very quickly undeservingly.

Big Bag of Chips

I think people are being a bit kind to you OP. If I was him I'd be very unimpressed with you turning up pissed to a second date. You met him and had sex the first night. He agreed to a second date, and you turned up very drunk.

He didn't ghost you after having sex, he agreed to, and turned up for another date. You showed up pissed.

If it were me and a man showed up to our second date drunk I wouldn't bother with a third. And I wouldn't bother texting him to explain either. If he texted to apologise I'd probably say as this fella did to you that it was fine, but I wouldn't be making another date.

He owes you nothing. His silence is his answer. Take it as a lesson learned and don't show up to a date drunk.

Traceyfinn00

I understand arriving drunk was a real bad idea and I regret it so much...hevwas after driving from Cork to Dublin that day and when he got to me I had one to many....I just simply asked him next day if he wanted to leave things I'd understand and if he wanted to meet for coffee I'd love to with no pub involved no hard feelings if he wasnt sure anymore but he just ignored my texts I just feel i deserved a I'm sorry but I'd like to leave things but I'm left feeling used and like I'm not even worth a goodbye

sniperman

the feelings your having now,remember them,lesson learnt,the hard way

Citizen Six

Doesn't really matter what the reason is, he just seems to not want to pursue any kind of a relationship. Time to move on.

Big Bag of Chips

He didn't use you. You had sex. He drove from Cork to Dublin for a second date. You might feel used. He possibly feels like you treated him like a fool. He made a huge effort to show up for a second date. I assume totally sober if he'd driven. And you arrive worse for wear.

My tolerance for drunk people is very low if I'm sober. I'd imagine the second date wasn't much fun for him, especially after a long drive.

You made a mistake. Just make sure you learn from it. No point trying to get any reaction from him. He's not interested.

Traceyfinn00

All true I messed up so bad and I liked him so much I will absolutely learn my lesson now I feel I lost someone special

Goodigal

He drove all the way from Cork for you. What a shame you didn't acknowledge the effort he made at the time. I'd love someone to do that for me!

Chalk it down to poor judgement on your part (the too many drinks bit) and try not to let a nice guy slip away quite so easily next time. But don't beat yourself up about it. You can't go back in time and change things. Learn from it. Chin up!

Citizen Six

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120158455#Comment_120158455

There's loads more people out there. Don't worry about it.

Traceyfinn00

He lives in Dublin but had a job to finish in Cork he booked a room both nights we met he was out of coverage most evenings with his work so I did have my doubts why his phone was off most evenings and the night we were to meet his phone was off again right up until 2 hours before we met I suppose I had a drink as I thought he might not show....I just thought I deserved a sorry I'm no longer interested and wish me good luck but to get no reply to any text I sent hurt he did awnser a call eventually and rushed me off the phone saying he text next day but that was 3 days ago

YellowLead

I miss understood initially - I thought you slept together on the second date where there was drunkenness.

More inclined to agree with BBofC’s take once I realised that. It would totally put me off if somebody arrived to a date very drunk especially if I drove out of my way to meet them. If I was super into them an there was a solid explanation I might give them another chance but I’d be cautious.

Advice still stands however - don’t sleep with people early on before a good understanding of each other has even developed, unless you are happy with causal only and are willing to risk that is all it might be.

Tork

I remember some of your older threads. You have a track record of meeting unsuitable men or getting yourself into all sorts of strife. Are you learning anything from all of these experiences?

Traceyfinn00

I did explain I don't drink often and I didn't realise I was as drunk as I was until was to late I apologised and said I'm ashamed but it's not the person I am and if he could find it to give me another chance with a coffee and he could decide then he said yes to coffee at start and he check his schedule but I know in my heart he was only saying yes to be polite after that he ignored my calls and texts I already know I fucked up just wanted to know I wasn't just sex and wish my well that's all kinda closure

bottlebrush

You say whatever you did drunk, he has disappeared. Does this mean you can't remember your behaviour on the night?

Either way, this man's silence is the loudest answer you will get that he is no longer into you. He made the effort to meet you for that second date after which it seems he has decided you are not compatible and he doesn't want to pursue the relationship further. It may be because you were drunk or he may have ghosted you anyway, who knows. In the ideal world he would give you an explanation but that doesn't happen in reality.

If you're ashamed of your behaviour while drunk, then don't drink or drink less. It won't guarantee you won't be ghosted but at least you won't be wondering what you were doing while drunk and feeling ashamed at the thoughts of it.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120158795#Comment_120158795

You don’t get closure from a lot of online dating experiences - particularly when you’ve only met somebody a couple of times. Try not to get so invested too soon, have a more relaxed attitude so when stuff like this happens it doesn’t send you into a spin. It wasn’t meant to be with this guy, forget it and move on.

spaceHopper

He's from Dublin, he's meeting you on a work trip in Cork and booking a room, his phone is "out of coverage". Any chance he's a wife or girlfriend?

GavPJ

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120157557#Comment_120157557

Yip, and turning up drunk for a second date would have me walking away.

Traceyfinn00

I did wonder if he was with someone he would go out of coverage a few nights he would tell me in advance he contact me when back in coverage I never gave it alot of thought......but we only live 20 minutes apart he is a driver who goes all over ireland I found it odd he could never meet for a coffee one evening had to be on a sunday both times at 8 r 9pm he booked room in advance....the night we were to meet I couldn't contact him for hours his phone was off.....he originally said he be free on the Saturday but that changed then said Sunday at 6 that changes as a trip to cork came up so we agreed same time as week before.....so yes there's a chance he might have someone

spaceHopper

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120161204#Comment_120161204

Well if that's the case, it's nothing you have done it was always going to happen. Sorry he's been such as d1ck, probably best to move on.

89897

Right turning up drunk isnt good but neither is ghosting. However he sounds shady, no where in Ireland would you be without coverage for days! Also booking a room in anticipation on the first 2 nights!? sounds like hes married and looking for some on the side.

Larbre34

Married as f**k.

Forgive yourself for being a bit naive and take the incident off like a coat and leave it behind you.

Have a nice weekend, spoil yourself and never contact him again.

Traceyfinn00

Thank u......if he wasn't married I think he was litterly only single maybe,20 minutes apart though and so hard to pin down I found odd I asked for cinema r coffee but his choice was the same hotel each time at a time where all restaurants were near closing etc who works 7 days a week that they xant take a few hours off for a coffee,I'm not justifying getting drunk but I really did want to avoid a pub situation and do something nice and drink free.....all week he was telling me I was amazing and beautiful and nicest person he spoke too in so long so me getting drunk should not have erased all I was in his eyes all week imo yes I imajine I looked a state but he knew from first time we met that I'm not that person

89897

You're fixating on the drunk thing. Dont do it again but dont beat yourself up over it right now. Block all contact with this guy and move on.

Also let this be a lesson. He love bombed you and wrapped you around his little finger to the point it wasnt clear to you that the going offline thing was a lie. Follow actions, not words and keep your eyes open next time.

Girl Geraldine

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120158795#Comment_120158795

I'm sorry but it is the person you are. You made the decision to go and drink, and you voluntarily drank the drink. They are your actions. So don't be deflecting. Drink didn't do anything. You did it, because you impaired yourself with drink.

And as for this fella. Leave him alone. If he wanted to talk to you or have contact with you, he would. But he is communicating with you all the same - his silence tells you that he has no interest. So respect that and leave him be. Don't be harrassing him with begging texts and phone calls.

As for being out of coverage except when when ye are about to meet up. That is just a shít excuse on his part. He is either just interested in a ride, or he is cheating on a partner, or both.

It is what it is.