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I've just won TOTY

  • 13-01-2023 7:52pm
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭

    For those of you that don't know, this is Testicles of the Year. And I've gone ahead and awarded myself the gong because I will not, and cannot, be beaten. Not this year. Find an Irish man with better balls. By the time you find one I'll have won the same award eight years running and that's because it'll be 2030 by the time you find a better bag than mine. 

    I had a difficult year in 2022, filled with bereavement, relationship strife and a poorly cat. 

    So at Christmas time, do you know what I said to myself? I said: "Hammer89, do you know what you deserve? You deserve to be happy. I cannot give you happiness, but what I can give you is a nice pair of balls so why don't you treat yourself to a Manscaped kit and get yourself out there in 2023". 

    I literally said that to myself. And then forgot it. And then remembered this week when a parcel arrived for me. Well it wasn't a parcel so much as it was my ticket back to the dating scene. 

    I used the product on Thursday morning. I had a shower and went to work. I think you're supposed to do it dry because I created another Chernobyl, but with pubes instead of radiation.

    In any case, I got the job done. It comes with a balm that you rub on yourself. This was yesterday morning and even now, if I stick my hand down there and pull it out again, I can still smell the balm off my hand.

    And because of that, I'm a worthy winner of TOTY. It's a shame the penis looks like sh*t, but the bag itself is pristine in terms of texture, cleanliness and scent. 

    Thanks Manscaped.