I've just won TOTY

Especially around the chin area.

If I were you, I’d head into work and keep sticking my finger under people’s noses and say “Do you smell that? That’s how my balls smell! Unbelievable, isn’t it?”. You’d be the most popular person on the job. Unless you work as a teacher, of course. I’d restrict it to the staff room in that case.

You’d get a few who would respond by sticking their hand down their kecks and shoving their finger under your nose and shouting “It doesn’t smell as good as that, baby!”, but that’s where bringing someone from HR in as an adjudicator comes in to play. If the OP’s confidence in their balls is justified - and we have no reason to believe that it’s not - they’ll put any begrudgers in their place.

Opening post reminds me of The secret diary of Adrian Mole

The details of my life are quite inconsequential...

very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I suggest you try it.

I won 'balls of the year' once, but that was a different thing... I took on the establishment, and lost, but still there was a grudging respect for what I failed to achieve