It sounds like you don't subscribe to the general views of if they flake once, then drop them. It's certainly not the norm from what I generally hear! Are you talking from experience?
You're probably right in a way. General dating advice seems to follow a set path and if it deviates from it then you're told you're with the wrong person. I'm sure there are plenty of successful dating stories where things didn't go according to plan at the start, or follow the Hollywood romance route as you say.
It's just hard to discern from when you should be more relaxed when dating or if it's a case that you shouldn't allow yourself to be lead on, walked over etc.
Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment ModeratorsPosts: 20,513CMod ✭✭✭✭
Join
Date:
Posts: 19276
Q. How many chances for a (this) flaky guy?
A. No more
In the early days, if someone flakes for one date I let it go. Any more (i.e. second flake), I figure he is "just not into me" and I let him go and I get back to the dating pool to identify a fella who IS into me and does not flake
In this case OP, I think he's had enough chances. You're worth more than that. I can't stand that feeling when you're looking forward to seeing someone and they disappoint you with feeble excuses. Don't give them the opportunity to do that again, and find someone who's on the same level of you - being open and honest about wanting to see them, and not flaking at the last minute with poor excuses. There are plenty more people out there to interact and have fun with. This guy's giving the impression he's too busy, so let him go!
Actually nevermind. I see in your first post you are a fella. So it's probably not as much of an issue. I was going to say that if it was a younger girl not to worry that much about it but if she was older she might not want to be wasting her time.
I mean, you can grow on people. Is it easier with someone who has a stronger instant attraction to you- yes, but I wouldn't say there's zero hope here if you play it right. But as I said in this scenario he needs to be doing all the chasing for a while now or else just chalk it off as experience.
But date others in the meantime, getting 'oneitus' for someone can fool you into thinking they're more special than they are in reality. And you could meet someone better in the meantime.
I didn't even have the patience to get to the end of your post OP. The answer to how many chances is none, tbh. Not when they're not actively trying to recover from said flakiness by making it up to you and proactively scheduling the next date. Which yer man certainly isn't. He's off living his life and probably dating multiple other people while you're sitting here navel gazing over whether or not you've given up on the love of your life. The answer is a resounding no: he wasn't that bothered and has told you that loud and clear.
Now the next question to ask yourself is what kind of life do you want? What kind of partner are you looking for? Someone that is equally invested in the relationship and doesn't cause you this stress and anxiety after one date, or one who you can glide along with secure in the knowledge that you are both equally committed to one another. As humans we can get addicted to chaos for all sorts of reasons (familiar childhood pattern, low self esteem etc) and it can cause all types of problems in our personal lives - get to the root of that first before you get back on the dating bandwagon.
