Went cyberstalking, he had a fianceé until recently.

bb1234567 · 13-09-2022 10:27AM

You know him a week OP! That is nothing, nothing at all. I don't think he owes it to you to have told you anything huge or personal yet, he may not yet trust you at all to tell deep things. It may be an emotionally charged topic for him that he is waiting to discuss eventually.He may want to keep It casual and upbeat for now, as that topic could potentially be heavy and may feel like it'll be less about you getting to know him and more about his ex.

Anyway, hold yer horses OP and play it cool. Personally I would have mentioned the fact I recently had a fiancee from the get go when dating somebody new, but I completely understand wanting to hold off a while too so imo it's no red flag at all yet.

YellowLead · 13-09-2022 11:40AM

Definitely too soon to be expecting somebody to divulge their previous relationship history - you haven’t met the guy!

If you’ve agreed to meet Wednesday and heard nothing from him, why not reach out and with a casual text about it to confirm the time still suits or whatever.

He could be somebody who prefers not too text too much before meeting (I’m in this camp) or he could have lost interest. Either way - it’s always best not to get remotely invested in anybody when all you’ve done is exchange messages on a dating app.

Good luck with it though- just be more easy going about dating and it will feel like more fun / less stress.

The Young Wan · 13-09-2022 09:48PM

Haven't heard from him since 9pm Sunday, so pretty much two full days ago.

Messaged at about half seven to see was tomorrow still a go. No reply.

This is what modern dating is. They just. . . Disappear. And I'm tired of it. I'm done. I've thought for a while, back when my ex and I separated, "there isn't someone there for you" and this has kind of just confirmed it.

You will think I'm being dramatic. But this is it. I can't do this anymore, getting excited to meet someone and getting the shít kicked out of me every time.

Jequ0n · 13-09-2022 10:11PM

I hope you don’t take this personally but I wouldn’t want to date you either because you are so highly strung.

I am sure there are plenty of assholes like myself out there, but you will scare away even the “nice”ones by being overly suspicious and challenging.

YellowLead · 14-09-2022 07:36PM

OP, take some time for sure, but don’t give up. Yes you’ll get plenty who will drift or ghost - but if you don’t cling on to every little bite so tightly, you won’t be hurt so much. Seriously, don’t get invested and overthink. Chatting on apps is very throwaway. If you keep at it, you’ll meet cool people you like and click with, it’s just not going to be every time. Don’t let it bother you when somebody fecks off, have others you are chatting to and don’t be putting all your eggs in the one basket.

You do have to be in the mood for it though, and there’s no harm in having a bit of a break when you are frustrated. Just try and get into a casual frame of mind about it all when you do get back to it.

14-09-2022 08:47PM

OP, I don't mean to kick you when you're down, or mean this in any way unkindly, but if the vibe you give off while chatting or on dating sites is anything like the vibe you give off here - well, it's a little intense.

Maybe take a break from it for a while, because I have a feeling you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to "meet someone" also.

Seve OB · 14-09-2022 08:54PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119614719#Comment_119614719

Thing is, he is probably on boards…… saw this thread, realised it was about him then said to himself, Dodged a bullet here!!!!!

may as well have stuck up a thread saying I was going to meet this lad for a date, but I’ve found out that he slept with someone before. And then duly ask the internet if you are mad to consider meeting this sex crazed fiend!!!!

Subzero3 · 14-09-2022 09:09PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058262496/went-cyberstalking-he-had-a-fiancee-until-recently

You only know/met him a week and it feels like your going all in already. He will dump you early if you bring it to strong and seem needy. Remember he's just out of an engagement. He won't want to be tied down so play it cool.

Danzy · 14-09-2022 09:31PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119589730#Comment_119589730

That's a lot of over thinking.

amdublin · 14-09-2022 09:32PM

I think taking a break is a good idea

OR even better, don't take a break but don't approach each one as THE ONE. Decide that you are going to date and break with 3 different fellas over the next 4 weeks. I think your brain needs to learn that each one is not The One....and that is okay. There is a lot of fish in the sea. Throw this one back. Throw the next one back too

Hannibal_Smith · 14-09-2022 10:23PM

I'm sorry it didn't work out and that it ended the way it did.

I do agree with amdublin, if you go in everytime with the expectation or hope that this time it'll be long term, you're setting yourself up for a lot of hurt. It's almost like buying shoes, you don't buy straight off the shelf, you try them on see how they fit and see how you feel in them. If they're a bad fit, you put them back on the shelf no harm done and get on with your life until you see another pair that might interest you.

Stay single for a while take your mind off dating, do what you enjoy and when you're in a better place see about heading back into it. But dont invest too much too soon or go in thinking about commitment too early. Find someone you like, see how well you get on and take it handy.

cuttingtimber22 · 14-09-2022 10:49PM

We have all been there (well many of us). We have over thought dates and potential dates - starting thinking ahead and forget that it needs baby steps. I would suggest relax a little, go with the flow, and if it is meant to work out it will. Plus there is more to life than Tinder and dating apps.

HildaOgdenx · 15-09-2022 01:17AM

@Pissy Missy

I have deleted your post as it contained no advice for the OP and falls below the standard expected in this forum.

Hilda

The Young Wan · 20-09-2022 02:23PM

So, with this guy here, he's had to go back to his home country for a family thing so we haven't been able to meet. He has said he's interested to do that when he gets back.

But he also messaged "regardless of what happens it's always nice to see a friendly face"

So what am I meant to think now? Is this a friend zone indication? Is he taking the possibility of a romance off the table?

If so, why still message for so long? An ego boost? Loneliness?

20-09-2022 02:31PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119641924#Comment_119641924

Has he indicated how long he's going to be back home?

The Young Wan · 20-09-2022 03:22PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119642006#Comment_119642006

Around a week.

amdublin · 20-09-2022 03:26PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119641924#Comment_119641924

This is him saying he is not interested in you romantically, a goodbye if you will.

If he didn't send you a message, chances are you would be here saying "why did he ghost me".

I think you need to focus on yourself. Either stop dating completely. Or deliberately date multiple guys at the same time with the intention of moving on from them after one or two dates. Every single fella you meet you move too quickly to assuming he is the one

YellowLead · 20-09-2022 03:29PM

Why not just wait and see? If he gets in touch when he gets back then you might as well meet him in person and see what the story is. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t. But don’t hold out for him - keep swiping and dating if you’re in the mood to meet somebody.

Don’t get invested in this guy because all you’ve done so far is matched and exchange messages on a dating app, which means nothing whatsoever.

Dial Hard · 20-09-2022 03:32PM

This is going to sound a bit weird, but is his home country culturally similar to ours, or would it be of a more... Eastern bent?

The Young Wan · 20-09-2022 03:46PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119642345#Comment_119642345

No, similar to us

Henry Ford III · 22-09-2022 11:54AM

Way too much intensity OP.

You need to relax and stop overthinking as it's fairly obvious that it's ruining your potential for a relationship.

Hannibal_Smith · 22-09-2022 12:17PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119641924#Comment_119641924

I would read it as him saying he's open to meeting up, no pressure though. If we don't click romantically, it won't be for nothing - we'll have had a friendly chat.

But didn't you arrange to meet and he went silent with the meet up not happening? And he's getting in touch now, a week later? If that's the case, I don't think meeting up is a good idea. You're letting him make all the calls here. You ended up extremely hurt last week, and now you're in two minds about meeting him? I'd give it a miss tbh.

Went cyberstalking, he had a fianceé until recently.

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