Divorce: what's the worst that can happen to a man if he cannot pay?

Could somebody please give me perspective on this? I'd pay for counselling for it, but I cannot find a single professional who could give me informed perspective on divorce (my anxiety levels are going off the charts the longer she delays the legal process and my money runs out)

I'm going to have c. €50k in debt from legal fees by the end of this divorce process. The repayment on that loan will be €900 per month for the next five years or so, so that's off my disposable income per month. Despite this (and a few hundred thousand in equity in the family home, but selling it would, she contends, lead to a decrease in her ["the kids"] standard of living so she refuses to agree to sell it), it is likely that my wife will take the family home, and children and I will have to pay for my share of the mortgage (she earns more than I do, but that's another story) while I will pay significantly more for rented accommodation for the next 20 years (until the children are 23) than the mortgage is.

Now, the figures from my net monthly income after mortgage and that loan for legal fees do not add up - and that's before Dublin accommodation rents for me are met. That's the long and the short of everything. So, something's got to give. It seems that for as long as the family home is not sold, my best case scenario is to be a slave in rented accommodation for the next 20 years, seeing my children (with whom I currently have a very strong and loving relationship every day without exception) whenever it suits her. I'm increasingly suspecting that my mental health is going to be the thing that goes. I have no intention of doing anything "drastic" as she would then get the life insurance policy and have the mortgage paid off, which would be the ultimate coup at my expense. I want to be there for my kids, and they definitely need me, but the way the case is going that will entail being under my ex's control at every turn, which would make it no different at all to what was happening during the marriage for years (I ended it, and she's utterly vicious about destroying me now under the guise of "the interests of the children", of course).

What, in the name of God, are my options in this scenario? If I stop working, I've salary protection for a while in the event of illness but presumably there'll be an attachment order on that. My pension will also, I surmise, be taken and given to her. If I stop paying the mortgage because I don't have the money because I've no job due to ill health, what happens (as said, there's considerable equity in the family home)? I'm acutely conscious that if I'm honest about having a breakdown, it will be used to deprive me of access to my children - but I don't know how long more I can do this. But this is making me like this now, so I don't know if I can use that as a defence. Prison would be remission and personal safety, to be honest. Apparently, no matter what happens the media cannot report on the injustice because of the "in camera" rule/secrecy of family courts so even a hunger strike wouldn't be reported by the Irish media.

What, in short, is the worst that the Irish state can do to somebody who has had a mental breakdown and can no longer pay all the post-divorce bills and simply cannot truthfully live in conscience with the injustice of what the court has done? Every single thing in irish law is operating to silence me, from the legal costs to the prohibition on reporting (I currently have a superb credit rating, have never defaulted and, on the face of it, have a good, responsible professional job but everything is definitely coming to a head).