I always lose interest in sex

I really think you need to back to therapy and aggressively engage with it.

It's clear you like this woman, and the woman before her too. Don't let this be the thing that ends another relationship. You said yourself it's driving you mad.

You can't keep chasing rainbows.

I've read that book, I've read a lot of books on these things. Honestly I know you advocate for therapy on this site all the time, but I've gone to a few at this stage and I'm not sure if does me any good. It certainly helped in the throes of breakup with that girl 2 years ago, but I got sick listening to myself repeating the same stuff over and over, I think I'm pretty good at self analysis anyway. Also they cost a bleeding fortune.

I'm starting to think that once the honeymoon effing like rabbits bit starts to wear off, the things I love about living alone and being single start to become more and more appealing, so I subconsciously start to push partners away. I was upset after I did this to the last one, and I still think about her and miss her, she was a fantastic person, but it was never going to work for a number of reasons anyway.

I think I want the best of both worlds, my lovely single happy comfortable life, but also knowing someone loves me and having company when I want it. The thoughts of living with someone now though fills me with dread, so I'm not sure how I would handle that.

It doesn't sound like there's much wrong to me. Sounds very normal.. You probably feel the same with other thrills in life right? New Car? New phone, new watch, new girl, new house, new trip, new job, new anything.. Most things seem better when new and unseen before. Some people need a close connection for sex to be incredible, and some need no closeness whatsoever. You obviously don't need a closeness and that's just the way you are. Do you see kids and a wife in your future? If not, maybe 'settling down' isn't for you.. Plenty of people live single lives with multiple sexual partners for way longer and settle down more in their late 50s or 60s when the drive for companionship starts to edge in front of the the drive for sex.

I personally got bored of new partners.. Most new relationships had the same questions and answers in the first few months.. It was like groundhog day with different characters. I love that my partner knows the first half of my life so we can just focus on the second.

Hi OP,

Great thread

Few questions if I may,

When the desire for sex with the woman you are dating wanes, do you find yourself thinking of other women to fulfil your need?

I think you should stop worrying about it as this is par for the course with all relationships. You need to get over this. You could be having it off with scarlett Johansson and you'd be less enthusiastic after a few years.

Secondly, You need to ask yourself, do you want a long term relationship with kids perhaps? Because most likely this is what the ladies in your life want. Is this what you want?

And thirdly, forgetting about sex for a moment, how strongly do you feel emotionally toward your GF or previous GFs? Would you say you feel a sense of warmt or a sense of comfort?

I usually change jobs every few years, but I think that's normal enough nowadays. Apart from that I'm very routine, I thrive on it actually, jogging a few times a week, gym, what I eat, etc. etc.

Different therapists work different ways, some just listen and some give advice

He's not answering this question for some reason. I think it might be a big reason here I'm guessing.

I think the op has unrealistic expectations of relationships.

When in a relationship for say more than 3 months, it is totally normal for that side of it to gradually reduce to a substantially lower level over time.

if ye were to keep at it at the starting rate for years into the relationship, that would actually be an outlier and far more rare a thing.

I think the op is failing to realise what the normal pattern actually is and has a false idea of what it should be in his head.

 How can you lose interest so fast? Are sure you are even attracted to these women beyond what they give you in bed? 

With this. Sexual attraction largely depends on how physically attracted you are to them. It doesn't just turn off. Sex might not be spicy enough for you and that's why you're having trouble here. Just have a woman who you shag in bed and don't explore the subject regularly with her a lot, kind of a side thing get up to) that actually can get stale, over time.

 Personally, my woman has a wonderful very high sex drive, we do a lot of sex texting, and video calls stuff and have a great sex life. We talk about boundaries but we're not strict. It made me love her more because she so loves sex as much as i do perhaps even more than i do. I have had a lot of sex in my life. Found a worldly here with her, and she lovely soul and caring and we have deep chats about life, I would be destroyed if I lost her. I know women are different in the bedroom, so I'm just glad I found the right one that suits me. 

It could also be deep down you have trouble connecting with them, think you are in the time, but when time is spent alone you don't really miss them?. That happened to me in other relationships. Sex is not really the issue.

 I have found a way of thinking about what makes my woman great helped me respect her and desire her more, It takes a lot of practice to find this mind space. Go deep in your head and have a mental picture of what makes her so good for you including the sex part!!!

You need to read my posts again

If you want to continue this relationship I thing you need to go to a therapist , it sounds like an emotional mental problem, not a physical one. Everyone's different, like there's men who are married who simply can't stop having affairs , they get bored having sex with one woman. They simply cannot be faithful

Or certain people who constantly are having sex with different women, and getting them pregnant

Seems like Elon musk does not use condoms, he had 2 children with an employee soon after he broke up with grimes who has a child with him

Sometimes women really like a guy but they maybe have sex once a month

If you love the woman you, ll look for professional help with this problem

I wouldn't agree or disagree that there's nothing wrong.

It's possible that there is more behind it. If it's distressing for the OP or going to **** up future plans such as marriage and kids, then it's definitely worth trying to delve further into this with therapy to see if this issue can be changed. Not all therapy is the same so it could be worth seeing a sex therapist (not sure how common they are in Ireland) or some form of therapy that isn't just you talking and them listening.

Of course if you don't want marriage and kids or to settle down long term then it's fine to just accept that this is how you are, however I will say that you should be honest upfront with any new women you are seeing, don't let them think there's likely to be a long term future, it's just not fair when you know that you have this pattern.