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Another dating thread

  • 19-06-2022 11:02am
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 12


    Hey just want peoples opinions

    meet a guy recently and was super attentive, always bringing me and asking me on dates. We got on very well and each date he would always ask for another one before leaving. He asked would I like to go for dinner with him and drinks and maybe spend a night in a hotel as we both could have a drink and not have to drive. I said yes.

    called around to his one Thursday for the first time and one thing lead to another. Now while In his house he told me a family member was seriously unwell and probably won’t make it through the night. -

    when I left his mood completely changed and he text me the next morning saying he felt no connection and rather be single. Im really like wtf


    im totally confused

    Post edited by Big Bag of Chips on


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 15,144 ✭✭✭✭Vicxas


    Sounds like he got what he was looking for and decided to end it afterwards and move on to the next conquest.

    Sorry this must be a really shite experience for you.



  • Registered Users Posts: 12 bubblepop1


    thank you for replying. I didn’t know if it was because of his close family member who passed away the next day had something to do with it and he wanted space


    it’s actually soul destroying as he was always the one wanting more dates.



  • Registered Users Posts: 6,317 ✭✭✭gameoverdude


    Hi bubblepop. I wouldn't discount the bereavement here. That can take a serious toll on somebody and they couldn't handle the emotions of a new relationship as well.

    In saying the above, I have lost interest after sex. I'm not sure why for the most part. I had found them attractive, fun and really enjoyed their company beforehand.

    The third thing I can think of is the enjoyment of the chase. Once that's gone, they lose interest. Don't understand why as its not hard to have a ons. I've known a few people like this, generally do grand gesture dates, shower them with gifts early on and be overly "romantic ".

    I know the above isn't advice really, so what ill go with is the feck it approach. Shite happens and you get on. Not great advice and you still feel hurt, but helped me in similar scenarios. They wanted to be around you a lot, so it isn't you.



  • Registered Users Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    Its horrible as it makes us feel like commodities. Most would say chalk this up and move on from what it is but I dont think there is any harm in texting the bloke and calling him out on his **** behaviour. I remember one guy I dated doing something similar and I text back "you took the words out of my mouth but thanks" and he kept asking me what was the issue but I said never mind, he had raised it first. Nothing wrong in telling the guy "Your behaviour is awful, if you knew you were not into me then go and sleep with me, that reflects badly on you, its immature" or something to that effect. I know if I want a casual one night **** I am up front with someone on it otherwise I wouldnt lead them up the path.,



  • Registered Users Posts: 515 ✭✭✭TheTruth89


    Dont mean to be bad but the truth is...

    The whole family memeber thing is horseshit he played you and got the ride, which is what he set out to do from the get go thus the "love bombing" dates he never had any intention of entering a relationship with you. The wanting more dates was faux interest.


    The worst thing you can do now is carry this around with you into your next interaction or dates, take it as a lesson learned and "vet" whoever you meet in the future and don't be as naïve next.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 18,710 ✭✭✭✭Donald Trump


    If you wanted to be mean, you could text him and tell him you're pregnant and you'll get back to him in a few months and then stop replying to any his communications.


    Sh1tty thing to do, but it might give him a bit of a fright and make him think a bit more about what he is up to



  • Registered Users Posts: 12 bubblepop1


    I’m completely put off putting myself there out again as this guy gave no warning signs that he would do a complete u-turn. Funny enough he would text me after every date saying how well we got on together and can’t wait to see me again. Then tell me there’s no connection.. in regards to sleeping with him first time. I’m quiet shy so I don’t know if this comes across as being standoffish or what. But it takes me a while to open up to some one maybe that’s why there was no connection… I don’t know I’m just guessing.

    to go out of his way and book a meal and a hotel and the turn around a cancel it.



  • Registered Users Posts: 12 bubblepop1


    Just to add I feel completely used and made feel like an some escort he rang for a quick fix. Very hard to trust people now.



  • Registered Users Posts: 6,317 ✭✭✭gameoverdude


    This really is bad advice.

    I don't believe the OP want to be mean and gain some sort of revenge (although it has in the past gone through my little brain.)

    They are hurt and confused. Trying to make sense of why this happened (please correct me if I am wrong op).



  • Registered Users Posts: 12 bubblepop1


    both of us are almost 40. I had plenty of offers for dates and I choosed him because he was such a gentleman compared to others. That’s what floored me.

    I’m not that type of person to do that to someone.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 12 bubblepop1


    I checked to see if they passed away via Facebook and they actually did. As I seen the condolences to him and his family



  • Registered Users Posts: 18,710 ✭✭✭✭Donald Trump


    They are hurt and confused. Trying to make sense of why this happened

    I don't think it's rocket science now. It's not a nice thing to have happened but it's hardly a rare occurrence. Person A wanted X. Person A got X from Person B.


    It would not be a reflection on Person B at all. It was nothing they did wrong. There's just not really any way of knowing these things in advance. You roll the dice



  • Registered Users Posts: 483 ✭✭Fred Astaire


    I've also lost interest in people after sex and I would also be at a loss to explain why. What I certainly wouldn't do is callously dump the person the next morning over text, usually I would give it a bit of time to see if my interest returned - but it often doesn't.

    With some people the thrill of the chase is almost addictive - I know I have been in circumstances before where I would be excited as I got closer to someone and then once the reality hit - maybe I had bigged them up too much in my mind and the reality couldn't possibly hit those heights. Again, dumping someone over text the morning after text is not an acceptable response to those feelings.

    OP - I'm sorry that it happened to you, it's a disgusting way to treat someone and at least you know the character of the guy. Look at it another way, be thankful that he saved you getting further invested into a complete pr*ck.

    Edit - After reading your update on the death situation actually being real OP (because admittedly I had suspected he was already planting his excuse to drop you) - I'd actually give this a bit of time because his head is probably all over the place. He could be in a terrible place right now mentally and not in a position to deal with you. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he reached out again in a few weeks. At that point it'll be up to you.



  • Registered Users Posts: 12 bubblepop1


    Last time I dated was 2008. So I don’t know how to play the “game” as back then it was no mind games etc.


    rather be on my own then dealing with this nonsense.

    im almost 40 so feck it not going through this again. My head is fried



  • Registered Users Posts: 12 bubblepop1


    if he wanted the ride. Maybe he should grow a spine and say it from the start instead of being a sneaky little **** and then at least we both know where we stand with each other instead of wasting my time



  • Registered Users Posts: 12 bubblepop1


    I do not want revenge. Not my style and would come across as being desperate and would stroke his ego even more



  • Registered Users Posts: 18,710 ✭✭✭✭Donald Trump



    Well I agree fully with you. Being sneaky might just be the only way it works for him



  • Registered Users Posts: 12 bubblepop1


    I’m well able for one night stand but give me a heads up on it. If I wanted ons I don’t do dates as it’s pointless. Don’t lead me down the garden path like a fool



  • Registered Users Posts: 6,317 ✭✭✭gameoverdude


    Ah! I understand a bit more now. I'm mid 40s and get where you're going. I'd prefer quality over quantity myself (I'm not talking about looks necessarily, but connection).

    Is a bit of your confusion/ annoyance is you feel a bit fool and should've known better? If so, you're not.



  • Registered Users Posts: 12 bubblepop1


    Confused yes as only the day before he said we get on amazingly well together. Laughing, joking and told me very personal things about his life.

    before I met him he thought I was a cat fish 😂 as he didn’t believe I look like my photos and was surprised that I did.


    I’m annoyed that he didn’t make his true intentions known for the get go and sneaky got me into his bed for a whole 3 minutes.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 12 bubblepop1


    More fool me should have waited out and let him pay for the dinner and hotel before taking his mask off



  • Administrators Posts: 13,437 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Locked for mod review

    @bubblepop1 pm me.



This discussion has been closed.
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