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Who to invite to Wedding

  • 12-06-2022 12:34am
    Registered Users Posts: 1 jarnoo

    My partner and I have been living together for over a decade, have a baby daughter, and have been engaged for some time now. We're totally committed to each other and to being married, but the actual wedding bit is a source of stress that we've been putting off for ages.

    We're in our 30s, both pretty quiet, shy and reserved people and don't really have any friends outside of each other these days. We lived abroad for a long time which is probably a part of it, and since coming back to Ireland we don't live too close to where either of us grew up.

    Of who we might invite we both have old school and university friends but we've fallen out of touch with them to a degree over the years, there's nobody we see regularly. Our social life currently revolves around people in local parent and child groups but have only met very recently and aren't that well acquainted. We'd both grab a drink with work colleagues now and then (before baby came at least), but again these are more acquaintances than anything really. So the list of people we'd potentially invite is very small, and also we'd feel kind of awkward and embarrassed inviting them and leaving them wondering why there's nobody else there because we're sure none of them would consider inviting us if they were having a wedding that small.

    On the family side, mine is tiny. I've no living parents and no cousins. I've one brother and a couple of uncles and that's it, and my brother is the only one I'm actually in touch with with any kind of regularity. My partner's side is bigger, two sisters, parents, with a lot of aunts and uncles and dozens of cousins, but again she's not close to any of them other than the immediate family and doesn't really want a wedding that's just full of her cousins while my side is so small and we've next to no friends there.

    Every possible combination of who to invite feels awkward and uncomfortable to us. Just my brother and her sisters and parents for a single table meal? Or do I add my uncles to balance out the numbers, even though we're not close? I feel like they'd be wondering why I'd invite them to such an intimate wedding and not other people. But then if I added a couple of friends that feels weird too if it was just them and my partner's close family.

    Personally I'd be happy with just signing a bit of paper to make it official without any fuss and to put all of our efforts into the honeymoon, but she understandably wants the wedding dress and all of that side of it to feel special, while she's also super self conscious about the whole thing. She's been floating the idea of an elopement wedding in Europe for just the two of us, there are packages that exist which I'm fine with for the most part but as I mentioned we have a baby we'd be taking with us and would really need someone we trust to look after her during the ceremony etc. The more we talk about it the more she's unsure though because she's worried it'd be kinda sad with just the two of us. So we've going around in circles and never really commit to anything.

    There are extremely practical reasons (tax, security) why we really ought to stop delaying, though she hates thinking of it in those terms. I think we need to bite the bullet and decide on something soon.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭gameoverdude

    Have the small wedding. Way more fun and less pressure.

    At least you know the people there and you're pretty sure they want to be there!

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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,261 ✭✭✭Gant21

    The only problem with small weddings is after the grub they can fall flat.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,825 ✭✭✭rolling boh

    does it have to go on long after the grub have never been to a very small wedding so just wondering because i presume a wedding of that size is a lot shorter than the standard one .

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,261 ✭✭✭Gant21

    You surely want some entertainment and dancing no?

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,825 ✭✭✭rolling boh

    if there is a very small number is music etc still likely ?

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  • Registered Users Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭gameoverdude

  • Registered Users Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭gameoverdude

    I dunno about that! Haven't met my relatives!

    Sure, I'm not into late nights. Maybe the OP is.

    We're planning on getting married next year and about 20 people invited. Nothing mad, but I imagine good craic.

  • Administrators Posts: 13,020 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips

    Invite the people you would like to share your day with. Whoever, and how many ever that may be.

    Think about your photos in 20 years time and who you'd like to see in them. It doesn't matter if they're friends, relatives, neighbours.

    Don't over think it.

    Think about who you'd like to be there to watch you get married, and invite them.

  • Registered Users Posts: 6,880 ✭✭✭HalloweenJack

    Different strokes for different folks. I got married last week with a hundred guests and it felt like a good number.

    The best advice given to me was to only invite people you feel comfortable having a one-on-one with. If you are doing +1, its a bit more complicated but essentially it rings true. At your wedding, everyone will want to talk to you for a few minutes so make sure the people you invite are people you can actually stand chatting to.

    There were a few of my schoolfriends that I didn't invite because it's been a long time since I've seen them and a wedding is not the place to be catching up after so long. I didn't invite any of my colleagues because I don't have any relationship with them outside the workplace.

    I did my best to talk to all the people I invited on the day and I didn't get stuck in awakward conversations.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,825 ✭✭✭rolling boh

    I think it's the lack of numbers to invite is the concern of the op in that case best option is a small do something to eat and a few drinks somewhere. As others have said little point in having people you barely know just for the sake of it .

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,796 ✭✭✭DoctorEdgeWild

    +1 for elopement, although we did it with our parents there, they just didn't know they were going to a wedding! Just grabbed them in a car, drove to the office, did the deed, had a bloody brilliant day. Genuinely one of the best days of my life, with only six people and the officials in the building! I'd really, really recommend ignoring all outside noise and just do what is right for you and your partner. Nobody else has to come into the conversation/consideration (except baby obviously!)

    Don't even consider the numbers at all. A meal, no meal, a take away, a barbecue, a giant pizza, whatever the Hell you want, with as few people as you want. There are no rules, it's between you and her only. Best of luck with it, whatever you decide. ☺️ (Oh, and in case you are wondering, not one of my friends/family were in any way put out, they thought it was a fantastic surprise to see a ring next time they saw me. The people who love you want you to be happy)

  • Registered Users Posts: 741 ✭✭✭Jafin

    I'd say just invite the people you both are closest with and have something small and relatively informal. A lot of people put too much time, money and stress into planning weddings with people they never even particularly wanted there in the first place. A few years ago two of my friends went off to Galway with their parents and a couple of siblings and got married, it was very small. Remember that the day you get married is about you and your partner, not about pleasing anybody else. I'd say a lot of people you lost touch with would you be happy not to get invited anyway.

  • Registered Users Posts: 12,158 ✭✭✭✭cj maxx

    As others have said invite the people you want to see in your photos in years time. Don't worry about balancing out relative numbers. Maybe a few of the other daddy's and mammys if it's convenient for you all

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  • Registered Users Posts: 10,058 ✭✭✭✭Flinty997

    I think you already identified who you should invite.

    ...Just my brother and her sisters and parents ...

    That's said weddings can be an opportunity to bring families together. But it would be mistake to have a lot of people you hardly know there.

    Do what feels right to you.

  • Registered Users Posts: 13,197 ✭✭✭✭Dav010


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,857 ✭✭✭Pissy Missy

    Get married in Vegas! I'll happily go n help ye celebrate 😆

  • Registered Users Posts: 8 Bipass

    only invite those you both want there. dont be pressured to invite the auntie you met once 20 years ago

  • Registered Users Posts: 8 GoatGirl

    Don't over think it. Have the wedding you both want - not the wedding you think you should have to please others.

    I would elope somewhere in Europe. Bring the parents and siblings, make a week of the celebrations.

    Congratulations by the way!