What's the etiquette here??

Well she'd better not come home with it.

Sounds like he was on his own in there before the poster walked in,so "Self Service".

An easy mistake to make and at least Fergal will make sure to double check the lock next time he goes to log out. Still, it was a bit traumatic for all involved and will leave a lingering awkwardness. Like the first time you see a skid mark on the left on the porcelain from you significant other. You get over it but the image never really leaves you. What's seen can't be unseen and all that...

The pistachio nuts are a fecking curse. Moorish things that you just can’t stop eating but they always leave me with silly string shytes. A never finishing experience that leaves a man nervous and edgy that you’ve left the throne with unfinished business to attend to

The usual busy monday morning in the work jacks earlier. I had to settle for a mid-terrace location. Some dirty kernt left skid marks in it akin to the main road exit from Glastonbury after a wet weekend. Courtesy flush did nothing really to shift it. I'd no choice but to carry on as badge was under pressure. Seat was still warm which only added to my anxiety. Lad in stall beside me was panting and grunting before each splash (think it was that big unit who works in logistics). To cap it off the bloody WiFi was acting up and I couldn't look at phone. First world problems I know - but not a good experience all round. Hope others are having abetter Monday.

I have often thought of posting a picture myself.....but it would not be appropriate and may frighten the good folks of the thread...

Most recently i produced an offering that put the Lloyds Bank Viking Coprolite to shame......

It was bunted out in the fields under a whitethorn hedge...the resulting yule log was covered over with a few leaves and branches......

I was left with the thought that maybe in a few centuries the fossilised remants of it will be studied by future scholars and scientists....

I believe you're safe enough with a hedge. Lone hawthorns on the other hand are best left alone.

But surely dropping a log al-fresco like that is as nature intended. Not to be confused with lobbing one in to neighbour's garden or flat roof. That wouldn't count.

A lot to take in there, H. Can I ask why you feel the need to get “in and out”? What’s waiting for you when you leave the jacks?

I, myself, use the toilet to take 2, unofficial “breaks” during the working day. 10-15 minutes either side of lunch. If I have to go on my own time before all that starts I make sure to claim it back when I get in.

You're missing out on some great time for reflection, mindfulness or just, plum, turning off and recharging. Hell, I’ve even taken to having the odd “sit down” slash at home, gives a brief respite from dealing with the kids. Nothing excessive, they’re good craic, but sometimes you just need a minute to yourself.

The only think I could recommend to you is to give the “long sit” a go. Take your time, be that with a phone, magazine, book, newspaper or your own thoughts on the universe but don’t be making any moves until your legs are asleep.

As for the strides, no, just no, pull them down. Ankles preferably but if the floor looks a bit píssy then stop at the knees. You’re leaving yourself open to splash back, like ‘Poseidon’s Kiss’ but on the back of your trousers. Potential for “spotting” on the front too, if you suffer some form of pressure buildup, spraying them with the coins of the realm.

Be careful out there, H. Life is short but it’s also fast, sometimes it’s nice to slow things down and allow for some introspection.

Great to see a new contributor not afraid to ask questions and provoke discussion. Welcome aboard.

Just to clarify, I may be “on the pot” for 15 minutes but I’m not sat there huffing and puffing, forcing out logs by the inch. No, job gets done in the first couple of minutes and after that my time is my own.

Sure, I’ve had the odd experience where things don’t go swimmingly or you get hit with a second “load” getting delivered after the wipe, leading to a raw hole from a second round of wiping, but they would be exceptions not the rule.

And this is why I love the thread. A warm welcome - and some fresh perspective. I feel I've prob addressed the "need" to get in and out in the above reply... but to summarise: I'm ustally a 7.30am visitor - and have an hourly dodge of the office chair well in hand. Just like to do it outdoors or in the back of the van... The reflection - not the poopin'