Miss ex terribly and want him back

You've had the conversation before, going by the above. It hasn't given you closure. Mainly I would guess because you won't let go.

Cutting contact with him is the only way you can both move forward. It's not fair on either of you to be raking over the past a year later.

Take heed of the advice you have received and don't meet him.

It's time for you to be honest with yourself and everybody else. This thread, therapists and what you've told your family and friends are all meaningless words and background noise. Deep down you know what it is you want but you don't want to admit it out loud. You have decided that the only life you see for yourself is one with this man. It doesn't matter how badly he treated you in the past, or how terrible a future with him might be. You're not open to any other life path other than this one. It's killing you that he isn't on board for now. This coffee is nothing more than an attempt by you to see him in person and convince him that you should reconcile. You think you can turn this around, don't you?

If you are the one who organised this coffee date, the timing is intriguing. It was arranged for a few days after your first therapy session. It reads like an act of self-sabotage to me. Even though you want to get better and work through your issues, cutting the cord from your ex is a huge step you don't want to take. Maybe that will change but for now, it's obvious that he is the one you want.

Course you want to see him. Most do, or I have when ever I see an ex, but only stirs up all sorts. What use is telling him the break up was hard. IT's not his or your fault its been hard. And you kinda need one thing to end with a good break of time before you can be friends and in contact I feel. I'd not really want to tell him all you are going through, its sort of giving him the burden a bit for not getting back together.

It might be great for you this, I'd be surprised if you didn't have some underlying mental health issues that needed sorting before. Hope that doesn't seem mean, just sometimes things need to get quite bad before we'll go get help. AA calls it something like, the gift of desperation.

Having to be on your own and deal with mental health should be good for you, you'll come out the other side having unpacked some of the crap you probably have been carrying around for years. It'll help you when you meet someone new.

And I can't see how a relationship can be fantastic but people break up.

Also be careful, you often get on much better after breakup, because you broke up. But you can think, oh we're getting on great now, yep because the elephant isn't in the room ,should we break up and the pressure of the relationship is gone. I've had a few relationships with partners who'd mental health issues and yep in can be draining after a while.

Well done you for getting help. You could always really buy into the therapists advice and not see him yet. Part of you might know its not a great move and you don't want this confirmed in therapy, or you think this will help. Good luck either way. There are support groups for depression and anxiety, might be worth a try, you'd be talking to others who find it helpful to share so you'd be sharing and not feel you are a burden, it would be mutual, I'm sure they have online meetings too.

Before the thread is locked, I just want to make a couple of points. I'm sorry if I came across as hostile. That was not my intention.

The point I clumsily made about hobbies was this: It's good to have a interests and to get out of the house. I'm glad you're doing that. But....if you do too many of them, they can become the human equivalent of a hamster running on a wheel. I know all about it because it happened to somebody close to me after they had a bereavement. You fill your head so much with the other interests, you don't deal with the underlying issues. It was not meant as a criticism, simply an observation.

On moving house, I think you should look for professional financial advice. It was coming from a logical, financial point of view. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the house's history. Conditions are different for second time buyer and there can be pitfalls. That's what I was getting at - nothing else whatsoever. If you want to sell your house, do.

The reason why I questioned whether you'd gone to therapy at all was because you announced that you were going for coffee with your ex. As you will have seen, everybody who responded to that post said much the same thing. It was and is a terrible idea. You've got to admit it is a very odd thing to decide to do just days after seeing a new therapist, and flies in the face of what you want to achieve.

Anyway, even if this thread isn't locked I will bow out now and will not engage any further. I truly wish you the best of luck with your therapist and I hope you find the happiness you deserve. Your issues are likely best served by speaking to a professional anyway - none of us are qualified to help you.