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Nervous about moving to new home

  • 22-11-2021 9:35am
    Registered Users Posts: 48

    I'm a 34 year old single female. I've been living at home for just over 3 years (!) to save a deposit for my own place. I've seen maybe 35 properties, have bid on about 15, and been outbid mostly. However, 5 weeks ago I had my offer accepted on a place, and was absolutely delighted- finally the end was in sight. I got "that feeling" as soon as I walked in to the place to view it- I could easily see myself living there, whereas in the past I've had to convince myself that something was worth bidding on.

    So far so good, right? Well, yesterday I went out to look at the place and get a feel for the area, and it just struck me- will I be quite lonely there? It's not a part of Dublin I had looked at before, but is quite a trendy and central location. I just realised that with working from home 95% of the time (company policy) and being in a new area where I don't know anyone, I could quickly feel quite isolated. Now, mostly I'm writing this just to get people to tell me to cop on and I'm being silly- but I just think it's something people are increasingly aware of with this new way of working and being in the world. I'm from the north side and had only looked there until recently- this place is south inner city. It's about 30 minutes bike ride from my parents- maybe 45 minutes on public transport, and a 25 minute drive, depending on traffic.

    Don't get me wrong- I need to move out of home for my own sanity. I want to date properly again and have my own sofa and my own kitchen! I'm just realising all of the things I kind of take for granted- having a chat with my mam at lunch, going for a walk after work with my neighbour friend who I've known all my life- I never feel lonely here. Has anyone had experience of moving to a new area in your 30s and how do you go about making local friends to go for coffee or a walk with?! I also love being near the sea- ultimately I would love to be back nearer the sea long-term, but of course no one gets everything they want as a solo property purchaser.

    I've lived outside Ireland for several years, I enjoy my own company, I am actually quite independent despite what I've written above! I think this moment of slight panic was inevitable. The housing market at the moment is dire and I think it's kind of a miracle I'm even finally at the stage of about to sign contracts. I'm lucky compared to a lot of people- I think it's partly that I would like to meet someone and settle down, and feel a bit of anxiety around that too as I am getting older. I think I'll probably end up coming back here to work 1-2 days a week, my mam can come out and visit me, etc!

    Just tell me I'm being silly and thanks for reading!


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭KaneToad

    You'll be grand!

    A move/change can be daunting irrespective of where it is or what stage of life you're at.

    You seem to know the pitfalls for your scenario so you're well placed to mitigate against them.

    Edit: Just noticed your username. I love it! One of my all time favourite movies. How it's not more widely known, I'll never know.

  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,160 Mod ✭✭✭✭HildaOgdenx

    I agree with @Goodigal

    Congratulations on your purchase, and I hope you spend many many happy years there.

    Moving house is commonly held to be one of the most stressful things any of us will ever do. In fact it would be almost strange if you didn't feel a bit nervous or stressed about it. Not to mention the fact that having had to adjust work practices, is an additional factor.

    And lastly, remind yourself that you can sell up again, in the future, if needs be. You don't have to stay there forever, if it's just not for you.

    All the best.

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭witchgirl26

    OP I can kinda relate a little. I also grew up on the northside & the first place I lived was there too. Then myself & OH moved out to the southside. It was quite scary for me because I knew no one and didn't know anyone.

    Been here 7 years now & I love it! What I'm trying to say is that it's scary, course it is but that doesn't mean it's the wrong choice. It can be great fun. Plus you aren't too far away so you can always pop back dinner or tea & a chat.

    As for friends - first off try about being friendly with neighbours. My friend moved into a new place in 2020 & has become pretty good friends with her next door neighbour thanks to just starting off as taking in parcels for each other etc. It's a bit easier in non-pandemic times to be fair though.

    I wouldn't have a load of close friends near-by but then we're all pretty far flung just due to life circumstances so we accept it & just arrange get togethers and meet ups when we can.

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,273 ✭✭✭Sunny Dayz

    Congrats on buying your first home - well done on saving hard for it. It is the biggest purchase of your life, a huge financial and personal commitment and it's completely natural to be nervous about it.

    I would suggest letting people - friends, relations, work colleagues, people you know from hobbies - know that you are moving to this particular area. Ireland and Dublin is still a small place at the end of the day - they might know some who lives in the area or know the area to recommend places to eat, drink, socialize etc.

    You don't mention in your post but do you have any hobbies or interests? I know many people don't use facebook anymore but it can be good for finding out local interest groups and local notice boards etc. As someone else suggested, be friendly to your neighbours.

    I know it can be tough when routines change - but you can still chat your mum at lunch - phone or facetime. You can still meet your old neighbour for a walk, perhaps suggest a place in the middle between you both.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 48 TracyFlick

    Thanks for the responses everyone- I do feel a bit better now.

    I guess my concern is that I'd be looking to move out of the city centre again within a couple of years, back northside, as my parents are getting older and it doesn't feel as exciting to move to the city at 34 as it would at 26/27? But then the places I can afford near my family home are mostly awful, and few and far between! And I've steered away from some apartments on the outskirts as the areas just seem dead to me- at least there'd be buzz and a bit of life living close to town.

    I really don't know where this is coming from- as I say, for the last 5 weeks I felt nothing but excitement, and now in the last 2 days that has been replaced by panic!

  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional East Moderators, Regional North West Moderators Posts: 11,805 Mod ✭✭✭✭miamee

    I'd say it is all just becoming real and you are amxiously looking for flaws in the plan in case you have overlooked something.

    I've lived in the south inner city and I loved it while there. It was a residential area but a short walk to Stephen's Green, Grafton Street etc. Anything in or near the city centre is most likely to increase in value - the prices some of the houses on our street sold for was crazy! - so I'd be confident that you could sell it and afford something in your parent's area in a few years time if you wanted to. I've lived alone for several years in the past too and loved it. Just make sure to organise to see your parents/friends when you want to and don't rely on them coming to you.

  • Posts: 8,856 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]

    Are you concerned about the location you’re moving to? Is there something there at the back of your mind? Maybe not so just asking.

    it might just be moving nerves- it’s a big step. But remember, your family and friends are still quite close by so I’d put that worry out of your mind. If you have strong connections to them now, I don’t see how they will change when you move- it’s not like you’re moving 100s miles away which could be a different case.

    Here’s a few things that might help.

    Share the excitement- involve your friends in the move (where possible in these COVID times) in terms of helping you pack and transporting your things across- promise lots of free pizza and beer 😀

    Write down a to do list- there’s lots to think about and plan for- you might be experiencing some moving stress and this could help

    Post pics on social media of new purchases for your home -

    Mark the occasion when you move in with a housewarming party ( again if COVID allows)- invite friends and family.

    Best of luck with the move - you won’t know yourself once you’re in there but getting there can be stressful

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,630 ✭✭✭irelandrover

    Maybe its just me but i found i got to know my neighbours a lot more since WFH started.

    Before that i barely knew anyone in the area. Since WFH id go for a walk in the area, grab a coffee locally and you get to see the same people. Naturally after a while you start chatting. I've noticed this with all my neighbours to be honest and there seems a much better community feeling now.

    Id say your fear is understandable but you aren't that far from your old location either. A 30 minute cycle really is nothing once or twice a week. Even meeting people half way is possible.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 48 TracyFlick

    Yes, it's also partly that I don't know this area of the city at all and am worried about the potential for anti-social behaviour- it seems to be one of those areas that's a real mix- it's Rialto/St James' hospital sort of area. If it was an area I was more familiar with I'd have a better idea of what I was getting into. My mam suggested that we go view it again before I sign contracts- they haven't seen it at all, and I've only been in it once for less than 5 minutes! Another friend suggested driving round there at 10pm- see if there are any major red flags at that time. Both of these things I will do.

    Overall I do think it makes sense both as somewhere to live for me right now, as a single person, and as a solid purchase (holding its value, being able to rent it out)- and constantly house hunting for the last 2 years in a pandemic has been one of the most stressful times of my life. If I pull out now, I could be facing into another 6-12 months of uncertainty, just because of last minute jitters. It's been so difficult to even get to this point.

    Anyway, it's really helpful to get my thoughts down here, so thanks again everyone!

  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional East Moderators, Regional North West Moderators Posts: 11,805 Mod ✭✭✭✭miamee

    I'd definitely ask for another viewing and bring one or both of your parents with you for a second opinion. Visiting the area at night or different times of day is also a great idea. Best of luck!

  • Registered Users Posts: 303 ✭✭.42.

    The only advice I would give is to join some clubs in the area before moving.

    that way you will get a feel for the area, mix with the locals and maybe make some friends before getting the keys.

    I think it will help you personally and socially.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,921 ✭✭✭rolling boh

    Would always do a few spot checks especially at the weekend and see what the people are like as much as you tell from just looking I know that might sound a bit snobby to some but it would influence me rightly or wrongly .

  • Registered Users Posts: 133 ✭✭ontour2

    Get your friend to go over to your new neighbourhood with you some evening and on a Saturday/ Sunday afternoon for a walk for an hour. You will get a good feel for whether you feel comfortable in the new surroundings. I know people that live in that area and absolutely love it and I know other people that would not live there as they would be afraid to go out after dark. I honestly believe being comfortable in an area is a very personal thing so you need to experience it for yourself.

    With regards to the loneliness/ isolation, you are in an area with access to an endless list of sports, social, education and recreational activities. One of the advantages of working from home is the need to get out and do something every day. It was far too easy to go to the office, work all day and go home to the couch so look at the WFH time as opening up a couple of extra hours each day to do something different/ interesting.

    Most importantly you need to recognise that hesitation and fear is perfectly normal with such a big decision but we tend to regret the things you don't do a lot more than the things that you actually do!

    Good Luck !

    P.S. I did the opposite and moved to the Northside which some would say is far more daunting 😲

  • Posts: 8,856 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]

    I was thinking that might be the issue alright. There’s a lot of gentrification around that area but still a lot more to come. You’ll certainly meet new good people - and yes, some not so nice parts around there too but you’ll find that a lot around central Dublin - Go in the day time evening time weekends etc just to make sure it’s for you- I’d also knock on a few prospective neighbours doors- they might give you some good guidance as to what to expect. If there’s a lot of newly done up houses around you that may be one good sign you’ve chosen well.

  • Registered Users Posts: 48 TracyFlick

    Update: My solicitor got information back from the management company- there was an audit done and the complex is riddled with fire safety issues, so I'm pulling out now anyway. Bitterly disappointed tbh. I feel like my generation is faced with the mistakes of the past at every turn.

  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional East Moderators, Regional North West Moderators Posts: 11,805 Mod ✭✭✭✭miamee

    Aw no, sorry to hear that @TracyFlick that's very disappointing but for the best. Every owner wouldprobably have ended up paying towards fixing those issues at some point down the line and it could have been very costly. Bullet dodged even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Take care :)

  • Registered Users Posts: 3 cosmic fringes

    @TracyFlick I nearly panic bought a house in an area I had misgivings about. I was single and afraid that if I didn't buy soon I wouldn't be able to afford anything at all. This was during the housing bubble 15 years ago when prices were going up all the time. I backed out before signing contracts but I will never forget how anxious I felt after my offer was accepted. They weren't last minute jitters I was getting at all. It was my gut telling me that I was about to make a huge mistake. When you're buying on your own it's a lonely place to be. Confiding in friends isn't the same as having a partner when it comes to big decisions like this. People prefer not to interfere or be honest when it comes to big things like this and they keep their most honest thoughts to themselves. My parents are dead so I didn't have anybody to look out for me.

    You're lucky these problems with the complex came to light now. If you've never heard of the Priory Hall apartments look it up. It isn't just the present generation who are paying the price for shoddy building practices. I hope you have better luck soon and that you find somewhere better to buy. If any good is to come from this experience, it's that you will know some more things to look out for. Visit the area at night, at weekends and different parts of the day to get an idea of what the neighbourhood is like. You can make your home as lovely as you want but you can't move it to a better area. If the neighbourhood is dodgy or you've got bad neighbours, they will ruin everything for you. It's all about location.

    Post edited by cosmic fringes on

  • Registered Users Posts: 14,235 ✭✭✭✭leahyl

    Hi TraceyFlick, just wanted to say that I can totally see where you're coming from in relation to nerves about buying a house on your own and moving out. I'm 36 and have been looking for a house on and off for about 10 years now. I am no closer to that dream today, especially with house prices the way they are, despite having a healthy deposit so, well done on being in a postion to be able to buy! I'm sorry this house didn't work out for you, but I think it probably just wasn't meant to be - you are probably sick of hearing that kind of stuff, but it just means that something better is out there for you and it's a blessing in disguise! I'm living at home and I've been at my wits end for a long time but since Covid, it has made me realise that life can be turned upside down very fast. I'm still looking every day on Daft for suitable properties and hoping that I might maybe meet someone nice and they can share my frustrations 😄 I wish you all the best for the future!

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  • Registered Users Posts: 48 TracyFlick

    Thanks Leah, that's really nice to hear. I actually did get some good news- the same day the fire trap apartment fell through, I ended up going sale agreed on a house in an area I'd actually much prefer to live in! It needs a fair amount of work and is quite small, but it definitely gave me a boost. I'm just so on edge now, after repeated disappointments. Christmas also seems to cause a huge delay to everything which is a pain in the hole. I know I'm in a good position now, overall, but the stress of worrying that something will go wrong with this one too is keeping me awake at night.

    I also live with a brother who is an emotionally abusive, angry hermit-type who is in the house 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, who can have rage-filled fits at any hour of the day or night. After living at home for so long and now with covid dragging on and on, I'm at the end of my rope, similar to lots of people out there I'm sure, yourself included. If this house completes as planned, I will have been living at home for 3.5 years in my 30s, while still needing a huge amount of help from parents and an uncle to get this place- it's so stressful and depressing how hard it is to get to this point, for a house that's a bit of a hovel tbh! But it will be MY hovel! :P

    I know people might say you don't need to live in Dublin, but if all your family and friends are here and you're getting a bit older, as well as parents becoming a bit older/more frail, it's the only real option. Anyway I am crossing all of my fingers and toes and manifesting some positive energy that it's 3rd time lucky for me with this place!

  • Registered Users Posts: 6,344 ✭✭✭Thoie

    Congratulations on your new hovel :D !

    I think the stress of house buying is even greater when you're buying on your own, as you're managing every single bit, and it consumes all your time. From the loneliness perspective, if your parents aren't working/have the time, ask them to drop around from time to time for lunch etc in the early days. Tell them that you'll miss the chats at lunch, and if they had the time you'd appreciate the odd visit to help you settle in - and that you'd still like to visit them some evenings too.

    Once you have any contact with neighbours, see if there's a neighbourhood facebook/whatsapp group and ask to be added. The place I moved into a few years ago has a couple of different WhatsApp groups. One is a more serious one that gets rarely used unless there's an issue, but there was another one set up for people who suddenly found themselves at home all day long. That one gets used when someone fancies some company - I (or other people) will send out a message saying we're going for a walk at x time to y coffee shop. You won't get a taker every time, but sometimes it's the prompt that someone wants to push them out for a walk or a chat.