Ex Has Got Married

Jequ0n · 24-10-2021 08:19PM

"So now look out! He's got a nice wife sitting at home, who's happy whatever he does because she now will have EU citizenship and living in a nice house she hasn't had to work for, and judging from what friends say (I have him blocked everywhere), theres no mention of the name of his wife or status anywhere on social media."

A lot of bitterness in there, which will hopefully leave you soon. This woman is not the problem here, and she is quite possibly in a very unenviable situation. As explained by several posters on thread there is a high chance that he secured a partner who is easy to isolate, and therefore control.

Sounds like you have a lot to think about regarding your own boundaries, so focus on that instead of wasting your anger on a woman who most likely never knew you existed.

Donald Trump · 24-10-2021 08:28PM

The man is entitled to do what he wants and more power to him. It's not for the OP to make his decisions for him or to diminish the lady he got married to.

He might have just landed on his feet with an incredible stunner and been delighted to pull the trigger as soon as he could. A lot of people from India are very conservative and some still abide by "no sex before marraige" norms. (It ain't just Catholics who had that). That could also add to the haste to get married.

OP can get back out on the market and find someone who suits her. The fella obviously didn't suit her but that doesn't mean he won't suit anyone else.

Salient Verb · 25-10-2021 04:59PM

Hi everyone. I've had an appointment with my psychologist today, and she thinks I am suffering from PTSD.

I am trying really hard to get over this but I am suffering from flashbacks, nightmares and I have a couple of geographical-related phobias (I know it sounds ridiculous but I try to avoid going to places near where he lives and suffer anxiety related symptoms such as shaking and breaking out in a cold sweat if I have too near those areas). She is going to work through this with me using a couple of therapies.

I am not obsessed with this man, I do not "follow his every move on social media". I found it hurtful that a couple of posters have accused me of these things and I'm anxious that other people in the outside world will think that about me too. I appreciate all the many posts from posters who have been helpful but sometimes its not easy to snap out of something like this in the way you would wish to on your own. I will repeat again that I blocked him on social media months ago, that I go nowhere near him and take steps to avoid the likelihood of bumping into him and the news of his wedding came from a friend.

What I do have is anxiety and flashbacks and my reactions may come across as slightly off-kilter because I feel as if I need to be constantly on guard against potential danger. I am also holding down a full time job and trying not to less this affect it.

It really isn't nice feeling this way and its certainly not something you would choose if you could help it.

I hope no-one finds it ridiculous to get PTSD from the end of a relationship, although my psychologist said its likely from the up and down nature of the whole relationship and the particular effect it had on me.

Thank you again for taking the trouble to read and respond.

RojaStar · 25-10-2021 05:20PM

Sorry to hear that OP. PTSD seems like quite an extreme label for the psychologist to put on how you're feeling, not sure it's particularly helpful. But if they can help you figure out how to get through this, that's the main thing.

partyguinness · 25-10-2021 05:28PM

OP I have been like your ex in a former relationship.

Without getting into the gory details. I ended it suddenly after 3 years as I just had to as I was wasting her time. I knew she saw marriage, the white picket fence, the works. I didnt with her. Don't get me wrong she was wonderful and I honestly could not pick a single fault with her. She would have been a wonderful wife, mother, partner and she adored me but it just was not meant to be. She was just more settled than me with a house and mortgage and I just felt I had a few more years to go. She was nearly 5 years older and that certainly played on my mind. I actually met my now wife only a few months later while abroad (not Irish) and we married 3 years later and now 2 kids later.

Bottom line was she was not 'the one'. Unfortunately, I have learned 15 years down the line she never entered another relationship and her brother (how I met her) stopped talking to me. Bottom line it devastated her and she had all sorts of anxiety attacks. She was/is such a wonderful woman that really does make me sad that she never embarked on another relationship.

Hannibal_Smith · 25-10-2021 05:57PM

Mod Note

@Salient Verb given you are seeing a professional to help you with what you're going through and you feel some of the replies here (while well meaning) are exacerbating how you're feeling rather than helping you, I'm going to close the thread there. The last thing we want is a reply here causing you a set back.

Please continue to work with your psychologist and I hope you are able to put all of this behind you in time.

Best of luck and thanks everyone who took the time to offer help.

HS

Ex Has Got Married

Comments