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Mná na hÉireann & elsewhere! Your input please!

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Comments

  • #32
    Zak Flaps
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,355 ✭✭✭Zak Flaps


    Relationships run their course and people break up, it's just a fact.

    But she's handled it like a c**t.

    Run away from her as far as you can, she's poison.



  • #33
    Idle Passerby
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,132 ✭✭✭Idle Passerby


    I don't buy that nothing happened with the first guy. Why would someone feel the need to announce that they will not leave their wife to someone they hugged a few times and texted? They must have discussed the possibility of running off together at least. Would anyone have that conversation with someone they just hug?

    So after this fell apart she sought out a new bit on the side. She only told you because it was a failure. So you'd have to assume if he'd been nice, shed still be seeing him and you'd still be blissfully unaware. My take would be she is actively looking for a new partner, she'd rather secure a new recruit before firing the old but since her interviews aren't going to plan she feels like your stopping her meeting someone. She sounds callous and incredibly selfish. I don't think there's any salvaging a relationship when one party has so little respect for it.



  • #34
    JuanJose
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 312 ✭✭JuanJose


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117737302#Comment_117737302

    You end up torn. On the one hand, you don't want to add or receive any more hurt on top of what's already been caused but on the other hand, you end up wondering does she deserve to retain you as a friend out of all of this, never mind attempting a rebuild. Feelings, as you say, need time to subside. And absolutely agree with you - her behaviour is and has been so, so, SO out of character. I still grapple to comprehend it tbh. However I'm not the first to receive that hammer blow & I won't be the last.

    When she dropped the news on me, I felt I'd blown our relationship (our communication on emotional wellbeing nosedived during the pandemic but we'd not once had a blazing row...just not in our nature, I guess. Like half the world, we were stuck in the Covid rat-trap & focussed on getting ourselves through it). But then she told me part 2 - the gory details, let's say - which blew the hinges off my search for my culpability in this (even though I'm sure I played my part in letting us drift). I maintain contact with her folks. They're truly cut up about it but don't know the full story.

    Excellent post. Really helped so thank you.



  • #35
    Housefree
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 696 ✭✭✭Housefree


    Dude she has been sleeping with these guys, don't be such a gobshite. Shes dripping the truth to you. Confront the first guy if you don't believe me. Have some self respect. Ghost her



  • #36
    JuanJose
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 312 ✭✭JuanJose


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117745913#Comment_117745913

    Hard to disagree with your take.

    What I don't get is if your actions wreak havoc to such an extent as in this case, why would you go rushing - ok, 5 months after getting burnt by candidate number 1 - to cling onto the next pair of trousers that come your way (this messy first date with candidate number 2 was brought to you by Instagram, at his suggestion). Her brain was evidently fried. Take a time out FFS. I'm no psychologist but I get the sense of a mid-life crisis being at play in her life too. A few boxes could be ticked on that score but I honestly don't think she sees it & I'd probably get it with both barrels if I suggested it to her.

    And supposedly, when the swimming coach decided to pull the plug, he admitted to having been "flattered" by her attention. If that doesn't leave you feeling about this big (small), I don't know what does.

    What makes people do the things they do? Answers on a postcard.



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  • #37
    seenitall
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭seenitall


    Hi OP,

    too much useless rumination, too little letting go and moving on. I appreciate it was a long relationship and moving on is very, very difficult, but this is one of the usual points in anyone’s life where our true mettle shows. For the sake of your own wellbeing and sanity, you have to find the inner strength and the self-respect to realise you’ve been played by a selfish woman, and to consequently walk away. Cut contact as she will just carry on messing with your head otherwise; she’s got you right where she wants you, she’s living rent-free in your head right now! Once you’ve come to your senses, the enormity of her selfishness in playing with your emotions like she has been doing, will hit you like a ton of bricks and you will be angry; you’re just not there yet as you keep wasting time, ruminating on her callous ways, instead of dropping her like she deserves to be dropped. She certainly doesn’t deserve you as a a friend or anything else. She’s been deceitful, incosiderate of you, disrespectful to you. If you can’t see it now, you will very soon. Drop and go.



  • #38
    JuanJose
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 312 ✭✭JuanJose


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117762515#Comment_117762515

    Taken a while for the penny to drop, you're right. Need to issue a notice-to-quit for my headspace.

    Thanks a lot for your post.



  • #39
    Jequ0n
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,412 ✭✭✭Jequ0n


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117763177#Comment_117763177

    No disrespect, but you keep saying this to every post and yet entertain alternative scenario ideas. No need to emphasise that the penny has dropped when it’s still hovering in mid air.



  • #40
    Yurt2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,381 ✭✭✭Yurt2


    Cheaters are remarkably consistent in their behaviour. Yes, everyone is a unique snowflake but when it comes to infidelity most people behave in a consistent way:

    • Minimizing the truth
    • Minimizing their role in the betrayal (it just happened)
    • Minimizing the betrayed partner's boundaries and emotional world
    • Drip feeding of truth
    • Admitting to the minimum of malfeasance to keep their self-image and reputation intact ("this is out of character behaviour for me, so it doesn't count" - when in fact the behaviour is central to their character and how they negotiate the world and relationships)

    Cut and run. Nuke it from orbit just like Aliens. Yes relationships break down, but she's conspired to do it in one of the most repulsive ways possible, and she has no right to tell you to go back to where you're from - tell her to stick that up her rear end.



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