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What do I say to my friend whose 2 year old son is dying?

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  • 23-06-2021 8:44pm
    #1
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭


    My friend’s 2 year old has a brain tumour and is now reaching the end of his little life.

    What do I say to my friend to help him through this time? He told me recently that everyone keeps saying he’s strong, but he’s sick of hearing it.

    I really want to support him but I’m always worried I will say the wrong thing or cause more upset. It’s such a hard situation.

    Any suggestions of things I can say that might help or comfort him?

    I hope it’s ok to post this here. Thank you.


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    #2
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,772 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Do you know what, there is nothing to say. Anything you do say will sound like a cliché.

    Let him know you are there, and just listen. The next few months are going to be horrific for them, and the years after will never be the same. Just be there. Talk about his little boy. Don't avoid the subject.

    Let him lead, and just be there.


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    #3
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Big Bag of Chips wrote: »
    Do you know what, there is nothing to say. Anything you do say will sound like a cliché.

    Let him know you are there, and just listen. The next few months are going to be horrific for them, and the years after will never be the same. Just be there. Talk about his little boy. Don't avoid the subject.

    Let him lead, and just be there.

    Thank you.


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    #4
    iamwhoiam
    Registered Users Posts: 16,075 ✭✭✭✭iamwhoiam


    Tell him you are there for him when he needs you . That you will be willing to do anything at all he needs . Tell him you are thinking of them all right now and he only has to ask and you can help in any way
    He might need lifts or washing done or food brought or shopping done . Offer all of that and he will know you are there


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    #5
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,772 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    The horrible fact is there is nothing anyone can do or say to comfort him right now. He is living every parents nightmare and his grief will almost swallow him whole. Even as parents to the same little boy their grief will be personal and different to each others.

    Just keep listening, and don't feel the need to fill silences.


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    #6
    Ande1975
    Registered Users Posts: 446 ✭✭Ande1975


    All the advice is spot on.

    I lost a parent to a brain tumour and its the absolute worst.
    Losing such a young child to his horrific disease is unimaginable.

    All you want is knowing that there is someone there to turn to during and more importantly after. Even just to sit in silence and let them talk when they want to.

    I'm so sorry for your friend, son and family.


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    #7
    wildwillow
    Registered Users Posts: 1,121 ✭✭✭wildwillow


    There is little to say. My experience comes from my 6 year old dying from cancer. The most hurtful comments were about God's will and an angel in heaven, as well as sure you're young enough to have another.

    Listen and listen. The best person for me was an acquaintance who called at random times, brought me out shopping, walk in park, coffee, anything. Now my best friend.

    She listened to my grief but lifted my spirit.

    Your friend is male and I found my husband got far less support, though he actually needed it more. His friends didn't know what to say so stayed away.

    Be there. Call on him and his partner if there is one. Accept his grief and talk about the baby.

    My grief is mellowed but, even after more than thirty years, the regret of what might have been for our family still makes me sad.



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    #8
    DarkJager21
    Registered Users Posts: 865 ✭✭✭DarkJager21


    This is just heartbreaking to read, I have no advice to give OP but my heart goes out to your friend and his child :(



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    #9
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    Be there for them after. Down the line when others have moved on and forgotten, mention the child's name, listen if your friend want to remember good times or bad.


    I'm sorry for your friend.



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    #10
    Toby22
    Registered Users Posts: 89 ✭✭Toby22


    It’s hard. One of my neighbours husbands is on a downward slope with cancer, she told me recently she is sick of people asking about him and offering platitudes (her words). Now when I meet her I don’t mention her husband, I just do chit chat and trivial talk and let her lead the conversation . I have a vegetable garden and hens and just drop stuff into her and she appreciates that



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    #11
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,087 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    The best thing you can do is listen in the dark days to come of which there will be many. Be that person on hand when others have gotten in with their busy lives



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    #12
    Wildly Boaring
    Registered Users Posts: 3,630 ✭✭✭Wildly Boaring


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117668728#Comment_117668728

    Thank you for posting. Sorry for your loss. Heartbreaking.


    Came on this morning as found out that a child I know is dying. Can't think of what to say/do. Panicked completely when I met one of them yesterday.


    It's horrible, unthinkable for the parents. Anything I say is going to be ridiculous and trite. Had thought of talking about anything else and basically never mention it. Your post suggests this helped in your instance.


    But can/should we do more? Can't just walk up and offer to help. Be like some sort of charity case. A note to call/text if they need anything. **** knows...


    Unfathomable news to be given.



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    #13
    Fandymo
    Registered Users Posts: 4,177 ✭✭✭Fandymo


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058195660/what-do-i-say-to-my-friend-whose-2-year-old-son-is-dying

    You don’t have to say anything. Just be there and maybe some day he’ll want to talk about it and you can be a sympathetic ear. I don’t think there is anything you could say that would make much of a difference in this situation.



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