Disappointed on birthday

How are birthdays normally treated between the two of you? If they have all been like this then no amount of hinting would have done the trick - you need to lay it out there and say that birthdays are super important to you and you’d like to be spoiled on the day.

Regardless of money not being an issue - I still think it’s a bit off to be expecting expensive presents - but you can certainly expect effort, in particular if it’s important to you. As long as you reciprocate of course!

How does this compare to previous birthdays and if it’s completely different why not just ask? In fact why not just ask anyway instead of silently carrying around resentment, tell your partner how you feel and take it from there. Personally I think you did quite well, you got a meal and a nice present from somewhere you like so it’s not like there was zero effort. If you expect more then that’s a chat you both need to have.

Thought you were going to say that he completely forgot but he booked dinner and bought you a framed print from your favourite artist..

And yet you're peeved... How long are you together? What age are you? Are you married? What do you normally do for birthdays? What do you do for his birthday?

Needs a bit more context

>Mod snip <You don’t appreciate what your partner did for you, why would they bother to do more?!

I wouldn't say anything.... . you'll only make your partner feel bad / guilty / annoyed by your lack of gratitude.


"Hey listen, thanks for taking me out to lunch but you didn't take me to somewhere good enough / expensive enough / exclusive enough / special enough and the present you gave me, it was only worth about €300 while I really wanted you to spend 5 times that amount on it"



Might the print be a nicer picture than some of the originals that were available? If money is no object, why not buy an original for yourself?


That said - they really should have give you a card, made a bit of a fuss and got you a decent coffee that morning.

Happy Birthday OP.

I wonder is the disappointment COVID related? I know a few neighbours had booked big parties for their significant birthdays , all cancelled due to the pandemic, and they feel hard done by. Having the party 2 years later just feels weird.

If you hoped your partner could make enough effort to make up for lack of a big party with loads of friends and family, then even if the restaurant was perfect and the print was an original instead, you potentially would still have been left feeling something was missing. I know I feel a bit robbed of my last two birthdays because I couldn’t go have a night out with my friends.

There was an effort made, you certainly were not forgotten.

Better than the lockdown birthday I had earlier this year to be honest

The restaurant thing does sound underwhelming to be fair but amid a pandemic be grateful for what you’ve got and what you had, because it could have been a lot worse and more miserable

Try having some perspective and being a bit more mature and adult about it maybe

I don't know what the rest of your relationship is like, as you haven't said, but if you put that much stock in ephemera and tokens, I can only guess its fragile enough.

If someone was completely thoughtless about a birthday, as in didn't bother to acknowledge it or didn't make the effort to make their day a little bit more special or easier for them (take the kids away for a few hours to chill, cook dinner, treat them to a massage, bring them shopping to pick out something for themselves, take the day off to do something nice), it would be one thing, but it sounds like you've actually had a fair bit of thought put into your birthday by your partner and yet you are being critical, mean spirited, churlish and ungrateful.

I remember back at the time of the crash, our money situation wasn't good and we were stressed. My birthday rolled around on a weekend and although we agreed months before to cut back on any extravagances, my wife simply made sure for the day that I didn't look at any work, didn't have to do anything much at home, cooked me nice meals herself, took out a nice bottle of wine she had stashed and for a gift bought me a special edition of a magazine I liked and made me coffee while I read it. I can promise you it was the best birthday I ever had, even when we've had money before and since, because her gift was her love and had we had even less than that, that day, it still would have been enough.

Either apologise to your partner for your attitude and start talking deeply and attentively about a few fundamentals, or do them the best favour you could and break up with them, give you both an opportunity to find something better.

Hi OP

i get that you didn't feel spoiled. that your partner missed an opportunity to make your feel special. little gestures like the coffee might have set a tone for the day.

In the cold light of day, he took you out for lunch to a restaurant you have used on more than one occasion and is im sure perfectly fine. In fact he probably thought you liked the food there.

Your 'feelings' are your not his. he didn't buy you a chicken fillet roll in spar & He is not psychic. I think your being whiny when you don't like his selection of restaurant. It sounds to me like a good choice of venue, but you were underwhelmed.

hos birthday present sounds great to me. it was thoughtful and not a cheap purchase. however once again it didn't meet your expectations. Yet looked at objectively again you come across as materialistic when you complain about what he spent - you wanted another zero on the end of the price tag! There is no need to get into a discussion i"s a print not as nice to look at?" but objectively form the outside it sounds a thoughtful gift, not cheap and its not clear why it isnt acceptable to you.

I think that either you usually get much more from your partner and this felt like a 'yellow pack' birthday in comparison to what has been given to your previously - (perhaps you can expand on that? ) or that you base a large part of your judgement on things, based on what a particular thing costs.

i have a brother in law who asks what everything costs phones, new runners etc, and compares them to what he spends. He doesn't ask how good is that phone, or how comfortable are the runners, their value to him, is simply the price tag. OP your post reminds me of him.

Oscar wilde's famous quote might apply to you

someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing

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Iamconfused2021 wrote: »

So I had a significant birthday today. I'm big into birthdays and very sentimental.

If part of your complaint is that your present wasn't sufficiently expensive then that means you are not in the least sentimental. You are materialistic and mercenary.

Don't bother your OK with any of your nonsense. Instead do some serious thinking, maybe get input from a professional, about why your sense of your own worth has only one index; cash value.

A relative of mine had a quandry like this recently. Was disappointed with the range of gifts she got from her OH, including a 600 gift voucher amongst other things. Felt under-appreciated, like it was a thoughtless gift, he didn't invest much energy into celebrating her 'special' day.

On the face of this, it's a pretty infuriating thing to hear as a general rule. It sounds out-of-touch, entitled, materialistic, spoilt brat behaviour. Money's not a problem for a lot of people, that doesn't equal to the entitlement that there'll be a "fanfare" for birthdays and a few grand dropped on a present.

Digging deeper though, my relative is in a pretty problematic relationship. She feels it's not equal in terms of who pays for what in a general sense, and she bears most of the load with housework, bills, she feels insecure generally. So the birthday thing was less of a "he only paid X on a gift" and more of an example of yet another way that shows her he doesn't understand or care about her needs.

So I guess my question to you OP: how is the relationship, generally? Is this one non-issue highlighting bigger problems you have as a couple?