Husband looking at my niece

11-03-2021 10:44PM

OP, personally I think it was a bad idea to invite another woman to live in your house, especially a very attractive one. That type of thing is almost a cliché at this stage. What good can come of it? At a minimum it has your head melted, even if your husband did nothing wrong. Get rid, the situation is making you uncomfortable in your own home and damaging your relationship.

Surreptitious · 11-03-2021 10:45PM

ulster wrote: »

That's a tricky one - I can totally see why you're annoyed about it. To be honest, I think you should talk to your husband about his porn intake. This type of thing dehumanizes women...for God's sake he's looking at your niece. This is family! Yes he should cut back on porn. I think sex In a relationship that needs the addition of porn is bad sex. Sorry, if that annoys anyone. That's just my opinion.

Loads of couples watch porn together

ulster · 11-03-2021 10:50PM

Surreptitious wrote: »

Loads of couples watch porn together

Good for them!

YellowLead · 11-03-2021 11:17PM

I wonder is this a wind up thread?
‘Icky’ husband (funny language) - in the thread title and no sign of OP now

Surreptitious · 11-03-2021 11:22PM

YellowLead wrote: »

I wonder is this a wind up thread?
‘Icky’ husband (funny language) - in the thread title and no sign of OP now

Well some of the comments probably put her off.

Dog day · 11-03-2021 11:24PM

ulster wrote: »

I think sex In a relationship that needs the addition of porn is bad sex. Sorry, if that annoys anyone. That's just my opinion.

This is an incredibly simplistic view of human sexual desire & porn. The former is complex & proper use of the latter can infact enrich sexual relationships between people.

OP, though not trusting your husband doesn’t seem to be an issue here I think his candid reaction when you confronted him speaks volumes about him in a positive way, he’s behaving in an entirely normal way for a red blooded male. I can understand why you may feel uncomfortable given it’s your niece in question. However, as an aside, I think when you decided to invite an attractive young woman into your home, you perhaps should’ve firstly considered how this may make you feel overall & consider the possibility that you may be feeling somewhat insecure which is entirely normal. Women are still unfortunately pitted against eachother on aesthetic & sexual appeal & it can be very hard to combat feelings of inadequacy, even when one is a confident type.

From what you’ve posted it sounds like yourself & your husband have a good sex life & open communication, but that doesn’t mean he can’t have healthy sexual fantasies, this, in my opinion is all that this is.

Sonic the Shaghog · 11-03-2021 11:28PM

YellowLead wrote: »

I wonder is this a wind up thread?
‘Icky’ husband (funny language) - in the thread title and no sign of OP now

Wouldn't be surprised a lot of nuked threads in PI lately

Katgurl · 12-03-2021 08:33AM

I would be utterly grossed out by this mainly because I remember very clearly how uncomfortable I was as a nineteen year old with disgusting middle aged men (that's how I saw them) leering at me at that age. They would stare at me so obviously - they seemed determined I notice them staring as if I was interested in their approval.

And I felt sorry for their partners sitting beside them trying to obviously pretend they don't notice.

As I got older I found the men staring at me less old (as I caught up with them) but felt similarly furious with them on behalf of their partners sitting beside them while their husbands leered.

I'm sure all people look (unless they're blind) but why do some men feel their entitlement to look trumps having some respect for your partner?

Having said that OP, are you sure he's checking her out? I have a niece that age and frankly I would be appalled if my boyfriend was checking her out even though he can clearly see she's very pretty and a lovely girl. Perhaps he's just looking at her.

I remember one time looking at a teenage boy walking by when I was out for lunch with my stepdaughter. I was thinking how young people looked different these days - he was really tall and well built. When we got home my stepdaughter was straight into her dad reporting on how I'd been checking out some teenage boy. I absolutely had not been.

B.A._Baracus · 12-03-2021 08:55AM

Hi op.
Honestly you're not going to get a concrete answer on this one as none here knows your husband.

Could you be over thinking this? Of course. You wouldn't be the first.
Could he be in fact perving over her? Of course. He too wouldn't be the first.

LegacyUser · 12-03-2021 09:03AM

All, thanks for the comments.

I probably over reacted. And yes it probably is my own insecurities.

I apologize for my poor phrasing by even introducing the word predatory. I don't think this applies to my husband at all. I was trying to make clear that it doesn't apply. But by mentioning the word it caused an association and that was not my intent.

To the poster who spoke about my weight... my weight is just fine thank you, its not an issue for me.

To the poster asking if this is a windup. It's not. I don't even know why this would seem a wind up, does it seem a funny situation to you? Entertaining? I'd come up with something juicier if it was a wind up.

To the few posters asking if I had an issue because it was a teenager or my niece. Because she's my family is the answer. I'm not stupid. Men will find late teenage girls attractive. I know that. But in my home with my niece I found it a bit 'icky' ... sorry for the "funny language".

I jumped the gun on this. I know I did. My husband hasn't actually done anything wrong. I'm putting 2 and 2 together and getting 5.

Thanks.

ILoveYourVibes · 13-03-2021 06:48AM

Icky Husband wrote: »

I just feel a bit ick about it.

Imagine how she feels because being a woman you know she has noticed. Or at the very least she WILL notice.

There is nothing wrong with fantasies.

Tell him your niece is eventually going to catch him looking at her and she won't feel good about it. So needs to control his gaze....or whatever it is you noticed. Because chances are she noticed it too or she will.

As nineteen yr old ..i wouldn't want my uncle in law looking at me like that.

LegacyUser · 13-03-2021 01:27PM

Icky Husband wrote: »

I'm not stupid. Men will find late teenage girls attractive. I know that.
.

We can all recognise when someone is attractive, there's a difference though being noticing something and actually being sexually attracted to them and seeing them in that way.

While you might be able to get past this now, what age are your kids? I assume that they're young if you need your niece to look after them but what about when they're teenagers and your husband is around more teenage girls, how will you feel then if you see him him looking for toned teenage asses on google? It would sicken me to be honest. It doesn't mean that I would think that all men who do that are going to be predators and physically try something with teenage girls or young women, but it would completely sicken me if a man spent time in the company of them and then that influenced his porn choices!

Someone mentioned earlier about how it was an evolutionary instinct to be attracted to young women and how it must suck to be a married man who can't have a "want to a young wan" in peace.

It must suck to be a married woman too who knows a man does this but is expected to be cool with it without it disgusting her and I would imagine there's an evolutionary instinct behind our disgust too, and not out of jealousy like another put it, but out of protection for younger people.

Also another poster mentioned a scenario where she sees her husbands nephew walking around with muscles and GAA shorts. Most mothers wouldn't be sexually attracted to them at all because they would still think of them as kids!!!

And I can bet if the OPs husbands nephew came to stay and next thing he found her googling for young GAA players in porn then he'd almost certainly have a serious problem with it and think she was a creep!!

Baby01032012 · 13-03-2021 11:19PM

Katgurl wrote: »

I would be utterly grossed out by this mainly because I remember very clearly how uncomfortable I was as a nineteen year old with disgusting middle aged men (that's how I saw them) leering at me at that age. They would stare at me so obviously - they seemed determined I notice them staring as if I was interested in their approval.

And I felt sorry for their partners sitting beside them trying to obviously pretend they don't notice.

As I got older I found the men staring at me less old (as I caught up with them) but felt similarly furious with them on behalf of their partners sitting beside them while their husbands leered.

I'm sure all people look (unless they're blind) but why do some men feel their entitlement to look trumps having some respect for your partner?

Having said that OP, are you sure he's checking her out? I have a niece that age and frankly I would be appalled if my boyfriend was checking her out even though he can clearly see she's very pretty and a lovely girl. Perhaps he's just looking at her.

I remember one time looking at a teenage boy walking by when I was out for lunch with my stepdaughter. I was thinking how young people looked different these days - he was really tall and well built. When we got home my stepdaughter was straight into her dad reporting on how I'd been checking out some teenage boy. I absolutely had not been.

I guess gender views will be different. I don’t see what’s wrong with a man checking out a grown adult woman. Not to mention the absolutely huge sugar baby/daddy world in Ireland at the moment with 19 year olds selling themselves.

kerryjack · 14-03-2021 07:44AM

It's those tight leggings that causes me bother some of them young ones do be wearing, sure you would have to have a look it's just the nature of the beast, just because a man gets older doesn't mean he forgets about it, we should have a bit of respect and cop on as well of course and not get caught looking. Unfortunately we are only young and sexy for a short while and should enjoy it. Probably good advise from some posters not to have her staying over too often, it's a bit like leaving a fox in to a chicken house.

Hannibal_Smith · 14-03-2021 08:57AM

Mod Note

OP, as you seem to have reconciled things in your own head about the issue, I'm going to close the thread there. If you need further advice, or want the thread re-opened, just PM one of the Mod Team.

Thanks everyone who took the time to offer help and advice.

HS

Husband looking at my niece

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