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Laughter as a passive aggressive tool

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  • 04-02-2021 12:54pm
    #1
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 165 ✭✭


    It works very well because people hate to be laughed at. The result is that the person who's been laughed at will suddenly doubt what they've said, and will not be as free and easy about speaking their mind when around that same person next time. Any experiences of this yourselves?

    In interactions in general, sometimes someone might laugh in this way after something you say and you may feel like saying "why are you laughing?". But you know they'll just pretend they didn't hear you. So if you really wanted to know get them to answer about why they laughed, you'd have to ask again; and that would make you look desperate. That's the annoying thing about it. The funny thing is though - you nearly always have a good idea why they laughed anyway.

    Girls seem to do it more. For example, I remember in a store I worked in once, a guy had asked a female floor staff member about the phone chargers. I was in the aisle they were in when she showed him where they were. He seemed a bit distracted for a moment as he looked at the different chargers on the wall. The girl he'd been dealing with didn't know whether he was finished with her or not. After a brief few awkward seconds he then realised he didn't need her and turned and said "that's fine thanks". She then gave her little giggle. It would be one thing if he was nasty to her something. If it were me, I might just think to myself "gee, that's odd". I would never feel the need to let the person know, with a quick laugh, that I think they're odd! I do not get why people have to do this? People have misunderstandings all the time. Just today, I was at the checkouts and I had a cauliflower that I'd already paid for in another store... when I let the cashier know this, she gave a little giggle. Completely uncalled for!

    Another tale - I remember when I worked in a store once, I'd been chatting to these two girl who seemed to work together a lot. The next day when I was passing by I saw them again and went over to them. One of them had seem a bit more friendly then the other. Anyway I made a remark about what they were doing and said "be sure don't it all fall down on ye anyway". And for some reason one of them started laughing... and not with me! I was surprised and did nothing as she laughed. Whatever doubt I had in my mind about what I'd said sounding odd was magnified by her laughter. Her laughter nearly came to a stop, but then when she realised that I wasn't going to say or do anything, she started laughing again! Really annoyed me. I felt like saying "what's your fcuking problem?" but I knew it would look insecure. Instead I tried to explain what I meant by my remark (in case she didn't understand something herself), and thereby hoping that she'd take it back. The other did not laugh one bit, and even seemed a bit confused by it. I said one or two quick things to the other girl and then left.

    I also notice that young people who are really sensitive as to what is and isn't considered cool and trendy, are the sort who tend to do this more. I knew one guy once who was super sensitive about getting this all right; the skin fade haircut, the fake D4 accent, the skinny jeans, etc. Anyway, once I happened to mention to him that I was going to a concert. He asked who and I told him Billy Joel. He then gave a little laugh. I just ignored it, but it's that sort of thing that I'm talking about.


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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,389 ✭✭✭1874


    Honestly, my advice is dont even bother, some people laugh when they are nervous, others may be bellowing laughing at something you may not know what was said, and they might not know they are being so loud about it.
    Some people, I think it is habit of a way of scoffing at others opinions, likes, dislikes, and it's possible they feel the need to make themselves feel or seem superior, they may scoff/laugh, I just simply wouldnt give a rats arse if I was you if you think that is the case, either act like you're ignoring it or ignore it or keep your concern or responses minimal, basically just dont care, some people are only looking to bait others into an argument or to have make someone defend their opinions/interests. I just would engage minimally or not at all with people like that, if you give them or their views no credence, you weaken their effect on you and their strength to wield anything over you.



    Just have some off the cuff remarks that aren't defensive (you dont have to defend your opinions/likes etc), like hey, each to their own, and so long as a person isn't going out of their way to hurt someone else while pursuing their own interests, then go at them.


    Some people do look down on others and what they perceive is fashionable, probably a lot of that going around. I commend you going to see Billy Joel or whatever it is you like (not exactly my thing but Im more not a fan of packed in like sardines and I dont always think the quality is as good), might not get another chance though, who cares if they look down their nose at it, best thing is do as you do/like/want, just ignore it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,796 ✭✭✭✭mfceiling


    Just go see a councillor.


  • Registered Users Posts: 625 ✭✭✭COVID


    You're having a laugh.


  • Registered Users Posts: 81,223 ✭✭✭✭biko


    There was a guy at my previous office the would do this.
    If someone said something he didn't agree with, he'd start with like a little giggle and then says his piece.
    Really annoying guy.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Big difference between laughing with someone, and at someone
    Some shy people can giggle in place of speaking or if embarrassed, some people laugh because they're obnoxious.

    Nothing as withering as laughing and ridiculing someone taking themselves too seriously though.
    You cant say or do anything. It's lethal.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 55 ✭✭pretty boy floyd


    mfceiling wrote: »
    Just go see a councillor.
    And if that doesn’t work see a counsellor


  • Registered Users Posts: 113 ✭✭ByTheSea2019


    You can just call it out. Articulate exactly what they are doing in front of everyone. They haven't a clue how to react to that.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,078 ✭✭✭IAMAMORON


    An intense patronising smile followed by the words " really?" , whilst hysterically falling all over the floor in laughter through your eyes will do the trick op..... but don't ever try it in the middle of a bollicking from someone important..... it doesn't work then, at all.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,277 ✭✭✭Your Face


    Mind yourself OP


  • Registered Users Posts: 734 ✭✭✭milehip


    Just look off into the distance and say out loud in a puzzled tone

    "what an odd thing for an adult to find funny"

    them ignore the hell outta them


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,755 ✭✭✭accensi0n


    Lol, Mr. F


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,469 ✭✭✭ShyMets


    It works very well because people hate to be laughed at. The result is that the person who's been laughed at will suddenly doubt what they've said, and will not be as free and easy about speaking their mind when around that same person next time. Any experiences of this yourselves?

    In interactions in general, sometimes someone might laugh in this way after something you say and you may feel like saying "why are you laughing?". But you know they'll just pretend they didn't hear you. So if you really wanted to know get them to answer about why they laughed, you'd have to ask again; and that would make you look desperate. That's the annoying thing about it. The funny thing is though - you nearly always have a good idea why they laughed anyway.

    Girls seem to do it more. For example, I remember in a store I worked in once, a guy had asked a female floor staff member about the phone chargers. I was in the aisle they were in when she showed him where they were. He seemed a bit distracted for a moment as he looked at the different chargers on the wall. The girl he'd been dealing with didn't know whether he was finished with her or not. After a brief few awkward seconds he then realised he didn't need her and turned and said "that's fine thanks". She then gave her little giggle. It would be one thing if he was nasty to her something. If it were me, I might just think to myself "gee, that's odd". I would never feel the need to let the person know, with a quick laugh, that I think they're odd! I do not get why people have to do this? People have misunderstandings all the time. Just today, I was at the checkouts and I had a cauliflower that I'd already paid for in another store... when I let the cashier know this, she gave a little giggle. Completely uncalled for!

    Another tale - I remember when I worked in a store once, I'd been chatting to these two girl who seemed to work together a lot. The next day when I was passing by I saw them again and went over to them. One of them had seem a bit more friendly then the other. Anyway I made a remark about what they were doing and said "be sure don't it all fall down on ye anyway". And for some reason one of them started laughing... and not with me! I was surprised and did nothing as she laughed. Whatever doubt I had in my mind about what I'd said sounding odd was magnified by her laughter. Her laughter nearly came to a stop, but then when she realised that I wasn't going to say or do anything, she started laughing again! Really annoyed me. I felt like saying "what's your fcuking problem?" but I knew it would look insecure. Instead I tried to explain what I meant by my remark (in case she didn't understand something herself), and thereby hoping that she'd take it back. The other did not laugh one bit, and even seemed a bit confused by it. I said one or two quick things to the other girl and then left.

    I also notice that young people who are really sensitive as to what is and isn't considered cool and trendy, are the sort who tend to do this more. I knew one guy once who was super sensitive about getting this all right; the skin fade haircut, the fake D4 accent, the skinny jeans, etc. Anyway, once I happened to mention to him that I was going to a concert. He asked who and I told him Billy Joel. He then gave a little laugh. I just ignored it, but it's that sort of thing that I'm talking about.

    Fascinating


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 165 ✭✭Deemed as Normal


    mfceiling wrote: »
    Just go see a councillor.
    Sorry, I'm an anthropologist!


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 165 ✭✭Deemed as Normal


    ShyMets wrote: »
    Fascinating
    Ta


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,170 ✭✭✭chrissb8


    Is your username what you got on your report on the way out of the ward OP?


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 165 ✭✭Deemed as Normal


    chrissb8 wrote: »
    Is your username what you got on your report on the way out of the ward OP?
    I managed to pull the wool over their eyes!


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,067 ✭✭✭✭fryup


    OP just remember this old saying...

    he who laughs last laughs longest


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,915 ✭✭✭✭Potential-Monke


    Laughter is my go to for everything. Mainly because I find a lot of the stuff people get upset over funny in general, but it seems to be the only emotion I can show regardless of the situation.


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,067 ✭✭✭✭fryup


    ^^^^^^^^^^^^

    even at a funeral?


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,372 ✭✭✭Westernyelp


    Mr. Fegellen. You are a true master of the genre


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  • Registered Users Posts: 13,915 ✭✭✭✭Potential-Monke


    fryup wrote: »
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^

    even at a funeral?

    Aye. Now, depending on how close I was to the person, I'd be less likely, but I use laughter for everything (it is the best medicine allegedly). But at funerals where I'm not "involved", I've to be very careful about where I go/what I say. I'm terrible at funerals, I never know what to say and repeating "sorry for your loss" to the people bereaving, for them hearing it for the thousandth time, it just feels... empty.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,226 ✭✭✭Sam Quentin


    It seems you regularly forget to pull your fly up....


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,389 ✭✭✭1874


    Aye. Now, depending on how close I was to the person, I'd be less likely, but I use laughter for everything (it is the best medicine allegedly). But at funerals where I'm not "involved", I've to be very careful about where I go/what I say. I'm terrible at funerals, I never know what to say and repeating "sorry for your loss" to the people bereaving, for them hearing it for the thousandth time, it just feels... empty.


    Unless you have diabetes, then, not so much


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,210 ✭✭✭nelly17


    It seems to me that that girl in the shop giggled because it was a socially awkward situation for her and she was probably shy I dont think that equates to being passive aggressive


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,201 ✭✭✭ongarboy


    OP, you're way over thinking and possibly projecting your own issues and hang ups into completely harmless and innocent situations. People often use laughter to diffuse or lighten a slightly awkward situation or misunderstanding or to cover up a nervous or embarrassing moment. The cashier with your cauliflower (I'm laughing as I type that, am I being passive aggressive too?? No I'm not, it's just a funny thing to type yet would you misconstrue that also...?), the assistant with the phone chargers, the other examples you gave too were probably all situations where the reasons I cited above were at play. More importantly, none of them were directed at you to make you feel bad yet that's how you interpret them and that's the real issue you should be addressing or it will lead to a lot of completely avoidable unhappy moments for you.

    I guarantee you the guy asking about the phone chargers didn't feel bad when the girl laughed when she belatedly copped on her assistance was no longer required. Yet you are projecting your own frustration onto him. They were fairly normal reactionary social cues. I wonder is your challenge not being able to pick up on such cues?


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,067 ✭✭✭✭fryup


    for me it all depends on their facial expression, if they giggle with a genuine smile then no offence taken....but if they giggle with a sneer on their face then i find that disrespectful


  • Registered Users Posts: 113 ✭✭ByTheSea2019


    yeah, i think it can be done either way. It can be a nervous laugh that means nothing or it can be an attempt to belittle someone. I'm not sure the latter group always realise exactly how rude it is. I know one person who does it a lot. She will openly laugh at someone in front of them and others if they disagree with her or laugh at them in a schoolyard kind of way if they say something she thinks is sad. She doesn't know why certain other people don't like her as "she's never done anything to them." I don't think it even registers with her.


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,067 ✭✭✭✭fryup


    maybe you need to take her aside and tell her


  • Registered Users Posts: 113 ✭✭ByTheSea2019


    Probably should but feels way too awkward. Maybe that's why these habits continue.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 18,067 ✭✭✭✭fryup


    is she a workmate by any chance?? if so tell your supervisor


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