Gift Register

We had an Amazon.co.uk one on our wedding website. Only people on Mrs Pen Rua's side (USA) used it because it's what's the norm there. No Irish guests went near it.

I had a couple of friends who had registries but left their parents to mention it if asked did the couple need anything. None of us friends knew about it because we all just gave cash as standard but the older relatives mostly purchased from it. If you do one, make sure you cater for all budgets.
I think Irish people get very offended when asked for a gift so if your parents or siblings are the chatty type, they could maybe let family members know. I would imagine most younger people will stick with cash gifts.

I'd feel a bit funny about sending a gift registry to someone who won't be at my wedding. I know at the moment a lot of people who normally would be there can't be for various reasons and some of them will still want to send you something which is lovely but I'd wait until they say it to me first.

I know you've said OP that you need stuff for your home hence the registry in the first place but if you get cash you can always put that towards homewares too and you won't be restricted to one shop. But I appreciate a lot of older people like to give a physical gift - I'm just wondering if that would still be the case if they can't go in a choose it for themselves if that makes sense.

Teach30 wrote: »

A gift list is a guide they don’t have to use it. Be better they spend their money on something useful no?
Anyone related to us will be giving €200+ so better to steer them in right direction with list than end up with useless items as per engagement gifts I got. (Photo frames, white towels, glass candlesticks etc, all awful stuff that I send to charity)

Then why didn't you ask people not to get you a gift????
How about no gifts for your wedding? Why isn't that an option?
How about get married to the person you love and not put your family and friends under pressure to spend money? €200+ isn't easy for everyone.

If you get something, great, but don't moan like a 10year old because you didn't like it.

These people are your friends and family.

The whole point of a wedding is a day to celebrate an official joining of you and your significant other. Any gifts you do receive are a bonus no matter what they are, myself and wife were happy with what ever people were generous enough to give as we wanted them there over gifts.

It is a bit crass and belittling saying that some gifts that people may give are tacky and waste of money. Granted they may not be to your taste, however many people have limited spending ability especially these days and may have only had that small bit of money for gift provided at your engagement. Also an idea of placing an online assigned shopping list for people to buy from or use to buy similar is also an awful idea and could put a lot of pressure on that person/couple to get you what you have listed while they may not have the funds for this.

As for the last part of asking for gifts from people you are not inviting.......that is shameful behavior. I would implore you to give up the gift registry idea as you may offend many with this idea, also don't ask for gifts but be grateful if you do receive anything.

Neyite wrote: »

I wouldn't send a gift registry link to someone you don't plan on inviting, unless they ask you specifically.

Pre-covid i noted certain people would invite everyone they could and then those invitees who would not whant to go or couldn't go would give a gift and make their excuses.
Is that something that will happen now where one sends a "I would have invited you if it weren't for covid" embosses card with the recipient expected to peruse a prescribed list in order to purchase the cheapest item.

OP I think the reason you don't see gift registers very often anymore is that the couple are living together and often have all the material things that used to be given to help a couple start up a new home together. My brother had one as they hadn't lived together but that was 18 years ago now.

I think using it to give people an idea as to the kind of thing you'd like *if* they're going to give you a gift is fine but using it to give an idea of spending amount is a bit much. What's the lowest price thing you'll have on it? Because if that is too high, then you might find you're getting presents from people not from the register as they can't afford it. For example I remember my brother's had things ranging from about €20 to about €150. Lots of range. Whereas there was a girl I worked with about 11 years ago who got married & had her register in BT's. Cheapest thing on it was €60 and that was a salt shaker. The matching pepper was another €60. None of us were on big money at the time (she was from a wealthy family though), & ended up with a couple of friends having to go together to get something that they could actually afford. I mean there was a chandelier for €950 on it!

I think you're expecting a lot that neighbours etc will give what you gave. Your amount is really generous but you don't give it to get it back. I just about gave that to people who I'm really close with let alone a random neighbour. And while they may be in well paying jobs normally, in the midst of a global pandemic where there's so much loss of employment & volatility in the stock market, you might find that they've had salaries reduced or lost value on pensions.

Teach30 wrote: »

I’d only love if more people would have a list as I hate having to pick Something I think people will like.

Do you not hate when you give an engagement gift and your trying to make up to x amount and end up buying two or three things that are neither here nor there. Or else you end up spending more than you would have in the first place in order to give something decent - maybe I just overthink things?

A list would totally take the pressure off whether buying an engagement or wedding gift.

Also I’m know for being materialistic so it’s not going to surprise anyone, if it does anything it would ensure people are under less pressure to pick for me.

So there is a list for engagement gifts as well as wedding gifts? I’m clearly living in a different world to some. I only give a bottle of alcohol for an engagement and that’s only very close family and friends. I don’t think having a registry is a bad thing but if someone goes to the trouble and expense of buying something small or off register will they get dismissed for it?

Teach30 wrote: »

Anyone we know is working with well paying jobs, aunts and uncles of mine are retired with v good pensions so money not an issue for us or them. They’re all very well off. So no one is under any pressure whatsoever.

Look in reality neighbours, friends etc will all return the favour and give back what we gave at their weddings that’s very much the norm.
I’d always give €200-350 at any wedding I attend depending on relationship with the person.

We know people will return the favour so this is damage limitation particularly for the older guests and neighbours. I know anyone our own age and cousins will give a cheque or cash.

The wealth or lack of same of your family and friends is not the issue, it is the fact that you seem to have some sort of expectation or entitlement to a gift just because you were in a position to give at other weddings.

Gifts are given, freely, sometimes with meaning and generally with good intentions and support of your next milestone in life. That is generally the point of a gift, just as attending the wedding to show support and celebrate your important stage in life is a gift, a gift of giving their time to support you.

This should be your focus on gifts, not handing out a glorified shopping list (registry) of things you expect to be purchased. It is very poor taste to have that attitude and expectation.

lazygal wrote: »

Same. Bottle of champagne or wine, depending on what I think they'd like.
We got a few small items when we got engaged, which I strongly suspect were regifts in most cases.....

I just think the idea of having a gift registry for engagement gifts is in poor taste. Why does this event, which is supposed to be about love, have to revolve around money?