Different values

leggo · 02-01-2021 03:56AM

Yeah OP, I’d force this issue to be honest. I’m trying to put myself in your partner’s shoes to see where he could be coming from: you’re offering to basically do all the work and it’s not like he’ll never see the dog as it’ll be at yours.

The only reason I can think of for him to want the situation to continue is if he feels he’d be letting go of the relative or disappointing them if he gave the dog up, not realising or wanting to admit he’s got zero skills to take care of it. So maybe attacking it directly from that standpoint might get a different reaction. “I understand you probably don’t want to let X down but do you think they’d want their dog left out in the cold all day or well looked after? They asked you to mind it but if you can’t do it fully the best thing is to make sure it’s minded by someone who can, and this way you at least still get to see it.” Some variation of that to fit the situation might tick the boxes that are currently holding him back.

qwerty13 · 02-01-2021 05:45AM

Did he inherit money, or the now empty house, on the basis that he looks after the dog? Might that be why he doesn’t want to ‘give it away’?

Big Bag of Chips · 02-01-2021 12:32PM

Moved from Personal Issues. Local charter now applies.

Big Bag of Chips.

Zak Flaps · 02-01-2021 09:00PM

I'm an animal lover like yourself OP, particularly dogs. If my partner treated a dog like that, she'd be out the door.
If it's the case that the dog is on it's own for 22/23 hrs per day, it should be reported. That is cruelty, plain and simple.

Dial Hard · 02-01-2021 09:47PM

Zak Flaps wrote: »

I'm an animal lover like yourself OP, particularly dogs. If my partner treated a dog like that, she'd be out the door.
If it's the case that the dog is on it's own for 22/23 hrs per day, it should be reported. That is cruelty, plain and simple.

Unfortunately reporting will do nothing, the laws in Ireland are ridiculously lax - once the dog has food, water and shelter (literally three walls and a roof), it's not considered neglected under our legislation. The OP needs to appeal to her partner's sense of decency. Although I'm still completely at a loss as to what his objections are to letting her look after the dog.

04-01-2021 03:58AM

Sandi2472 wrote: »

I have asked if I can have the dog as I feel
1 the dog shouldn't sleep outside when it's -4 etc
2 the dog must be lonely .
But he's unwilling to let me

Do you have access to the dog?

In your shoes, I'd force the situation. I'd literally go and take the dog from the garden and bring it home with you, and deal with your partner's reaction afterwards. Better to ask forgiveness, then permission.

If he still refuses to allow you to look after the dog, then he would be kicked out the door and I wouldn't let him take the dog either. :mad:

heretothere · 07-01-2021 07:21PM

The poor dog, I really don't understand you boyfriends reasons for not letting you take the dog! I always grew up with dogs inside. I found it sad to adjust to my in-laws keeping their dog outside, in a kennel, in the cattle shed. But it was a working dog (sheep dog) she would be running around the farm and interacting with my in-laws all day. This poor dog is probably so lonely. Try to have another chat with him, tell him it'll just be a trial for a week then don't give the dog back!!

the beer revolu · 08-01-2021 10:56AM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Do you have access to the dog?

In your shoes, I'd force the situation. I'd literally go and take the dog from the garden and bring it home with you, and deal with your partner's reaction afterwards. Better to ask forgiveness, then permission.

If he still refuses to allow you to look after the dog, then he would be kicked out the door and I wouldn't let him take the dog either. :mad:

What you are advocating is theft.

Graces7 · 10-01-2021 07:35AM

There are two issues here. The welfare of the dog and your relationship.

If this means breaking up, then maybe a warning - and maybe a lucky escape ?

Maybe he will change?

And it would put you in a better position to help the dog. Which is priority ?

Reading the thread I am wondering how aware or otherwise urban dwellers are of rural and especially farm dogs? They are often always tied up in the yard. Period.

When I first took Sandy , my collie . in, the "owners" by inheritance) were incredulous that I was "allowing" her in the house.

Owning critters carries a deep responsibility to care for their needs; they are helpless in so many ways unless we do that.

Wishing you well. Truly; you have a hard choice here.

Different values

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