People who aren't your friends, but want to act as if they are

Deemed as Normal wrote: »

As in people who aren't your friends, but want to act as if they are that one time in the year that you meet them. They'll say something like "we must have ye down some time" but you know they don't mean it. The only reason they say it is because it's nice to end an interaction with positive energy; and I get that, but then the other person has to figure out that they didn't actually mean it.

Then you have to pretend that you believe them so that they can act as if they're nice. How do you deal with these people?

Maybe they do mean it. Have you ever taking up their invitation? Majority of people are busy straight forward individuals

The one positive thing about the lockdown is not encountering these sort of people on a night out around Christmas.

CBA replying to this thread. I find it quite silly.

On a side note, I am astounded that Home Alone hasn't been on TV this year. Best film ever. Anyone agree?

"Let me know if I can help in any way" is another platitude that usually means nothing.

Worse though are the snakes who start sentences with "As your friend..." when they are far from being your friend. They will use/shaft you and may have already done so and still claim to be your friend afterwards. Sociopaths

Better watch out for the skin deep (friends)

jmlad2020 wrote: »

CBA replying to this thread. I find it quite silly.

On a side note, I am astounded that Home Alone hasn't been on TV this year. Best film ever. Anyone agree?

It was on in a few cinemas this month.

Deemed as Normal wrote: »

You're full of ****. The Stella would be the only place.

Er I don't understand why you're reacting with an outburst of profanity.

It was on in The Lighthouse as well. I also think I saw it advertised in some Northside cinema at one stage - either Santry or Swords.

So you see, you are the one who is incorrect (<--a polite refutation without any swearing)

Pretty sure it was also on in movies@Swords. They showed loads of old Christmas movies in December.

Deemed as Normal wrote: »

As in people who aren't your friends, but want to act as if they are that one time in the year that you meet them. They'll say something like "we must have ye down some time" but you know they don't mean it. Then you have to pretend that you believe them so that they can act as if they're nice. The only reason they say it is because it's nice to end an interaction with positive energy; and I get that, but then the other person has to figure out that they didn't actually mean it. It's completely unnecessary for people to act such a way, and might even come against them in the long run. There's nothing wrong with just saying "hope you're doing well" or whatever and leaving it at that.

How do you deal with these people?

Story

My father currently deals with his sister in law in this type of way. To explain the back story, she fell out with him a decade or so ago which was all grand, but now my mother has become quite senile (home bound). So the only way of keeping in touch with my mom has to be through my dad. She lives 200 miles away and visits once a year as she feels obliged to check in with my mother. The first time she came down, she let on that she was going to stay over night (as my dad had offered) but then pretended that she needed to get on the road back home 3 hours after having arrived. She said it was because there was a storm that was coming in the next day!

The next time she was arranging to come down she mentioned all the right things via text. In one she typed about "...looking forward to going for walks in the west Cork air". Gives the impression that she'd be staying a while, right? However, after my dad made it clear that she was welcome stay overnight (effectively giving her the hint to answer), she didn't directly address that point! My father had a bedroom prepared for her, and ended up putting out plans he had made in case she was going to stay overnight. She didn't end up staying overnight! She seems too stuck up, and would consider it awkward staying in his house while having to remember the way she treated him all those years ago. In the end when she was leaving she was of course acted as if she'd be back down in a few months, but I have my doubts. It would be kind of awkward letting someone know that you're going to drive 200 miles twice in one day over the phone. You know what they'd be thinking!

I remember an interview with Vinny Jones (ex-footballer turned film actor)in a Sunday magazine. He told how he went to live on West coast in US. He'd go to parties ,meet people and some would say to him at parting ' We must have a game (of tennis ) some time'. VJ would meet such a person later and mention 'what about the game of tennis' -they wouldn't know what he was talking about. VJ was perplexed but an American friend explained that such a parting invitation is merely a code -meaning something like 'I think you're an OK guy and I wouldn't mind if we bumped into each other again though I'm not going to try to arrange it'.
If at parting nothing is said except the standard goodbye -that means the person has no interest whatever in meeting again and wouldn't necessarily welcome it anyway.
Cultural codes ,whether formulas of words, dress, gender roles , use of time and space etc.are extremely arbitrary, subtle and tricky enough to discern without some help. Cross cultural communication courses are advisable for any workers going abroad ,especially managers /executive types.