Hiking as a first date with an online dating match - dangerous?

YellowLead · 23-12-2020 11:01am #1

I’ve been asked on a hike with a guy I matched with on bumble after chatting for a while including over the phone. This will be the first date. I didn’t really think twice about saying yes as it’s part of the Dublin mountains that’s always busy with lots of walkers and I like the idea of getting out in the fresh air (outdoors is the only option really for dates at the moment). He is bringing his dogs.
However when I mentioned it to a male friend he told me I was very stupid to agree to this and that I would end up dead and buried. I know where this guy works and he used to work where I work now and he knows I know all of this detail because he told me. Am I crazy to agree or is my friend just thinking worst case scenario and freaking out over nothing?

Caranica · 23-12-2020 11:24am

First and early dates always in an accessible public place. I'm not keen on walks as first dates anyway but there's not enough money in the world to convince me that heading up into the mountains with a stranger could be a good idea. Listen to your friend.

RurtBeynolds · 23-12-2020 11:27am

Yeah that seems like a pretty stupid idea to be honest.

23-12-2020 11:27am

That's a bit much for a first date. Just go for a coffee first.

Dave0301 · 23-12-2020 11:29am

If it is a busy trail and you know the area I wouldn't worry too much, but that's just me.

Alternatively, suggest a walk around a more populated costal area.

23-12-2020 11:31am

It depends where exactly you are going OP, I know the Dublin mountains well, and if you're going to the likes of tick nock, you will be as safe as if you were on Grafton St.
Stick to main roads/tracks and don't be going for hours!

I used to walk all the time alone with the dog and you wouldn't believe the amount of guys I work with who told me i.was stupid, and 'asking to be raped'!!

seenitall · 23-12-2020 11:31am

I don’t think I’ve ever been to the Dublin mountains to my memory, so I don’t know how busy they are. When you say busy, do you mean there is absolutely constantly someone around, like a public park sort of thing? In that case, I wouldn’t be too concerned. However, if it is just relatively busy for a random mountain spot, I would be more cautious. I wouldn’t be getting into anyone’s car or going anywhere with anyone that I would be out of sight of other people for an amount of time - thus the advice of meeting in public places for first dates. We women have to be careful unfortunately.

Now, statistically, you’re most likely to be perfectly safe and fine, and I hope it goes well in various aspects other than the health and safety ones!

It’s your call on what to do, you are the one privy to every piece of information here. The best of luck!

Tork · 23-12-2020 12:04pm

This is a terrible idea for all sorts of reasons. Even if this guy isn't an axe murderer who wants to bury you in a shallow grave, it's madness to put yourself into a situation that you won't find it easy to get out of. You can talk and message somebody all you want but it is no substitute for meeting somebody in person. What if you realise in the car park that you don't fancy him or he is giving out some creepy vibes you can't quite put your finger on? Or after 5 minutes of walking, all you want to do is make your excuses and leave? It'd be a better idea to meet him somewhere else for a first date and then make your judgement.

blue note · 23-12-2020 12:05pm

I think it sounds like a lovely first date. The only concern I'd realistically have is that when you actually meet that conversation will be strained and it'll be quite a long awkward date.

But I think a hike sounds really nice for a first date.

Jizique · 23-12-2020 12:11pm

blue note wrote: »

I think it sounds like a lovely first date. The only concern I'd realistically have is that when you actually meet that conversation will be strained and it'll be quite a long awkward date.

But I think a hike sounds really nice for a first date.

Even if the dog is an Alsatian or a Doberman?
With all the best will in the world, I would recommend something less extreme; Marley Park would be a better option if exercise and outdoors are necessary.

MrsBean · 23-12-2020 12:11pm

A work colleague of mine once went on a first date hike with someone. She turned on 'share my location' on her iphone with her best friend as a precaution.
She also made it clear she had other plans for afterwards and drove there in her own car.
As I recall I think she had her friend ring her during the date to check in too.

Not sure I'd do it myself. Maybe suggest a beach walk or park wall instead if you feel iffy about it.

gmisk · 23-12-2020 12:22pm

My first reaction....are you mad?

Porklife · 23-12-2020 12:55pm

There are many reasons I think this is a bad idea.
First and foremost there's the obvious danger aspect. It doesn't matter that you know where he works, people used to work with Graham Dywer and described him as a nice "normal" man!

Secondly, as Tork said, what if you don't fancy him or feel any spark or connection. I'd usually know within 5 minutes if I fancy someone or not. If you don't you're stuck on a hike with him. If you want a hiking buddy join a hiking meet up. He could have a creepy vibe or be really negative on the hike complaining about the weather etc. It really could be a disaster!

Lastly and this could be my vanity talking but hiking gear and a big red face don't exactly scream sexy to me:)
Personally I'd much rather meet for a coffee or a take away beer and a walk round the iveagh gardens then trek up the blustery Dublin mountains possibly to my death!

YellowLead · 23-12-2020 1:23pm

Porklife wrote: »

There are many reasons I think this is a bad idea.
First and foremost there's the obvious danger aspect. It doesn't matter that you know where he works, people used to work with Graham Dywer and described him as a nice "normal" man!

Secondly, as Tork said, what if you don't fancy him or feel any spark or connection. !

With regard to the workplace thing it’s not that anybody with a good job can’t be a murderer, it’s that he knows I know his name and where he works (we also know mutual people because he used to work where I do now) and that I have told a friend. With Graham Dwyer he concealed his identity and poor Elaine only knew him by his username on that fetish website where they met.

I hear you on the it’s a long time to be stuck with somebody if you are not feeling it! However I know we will at least have a good conversation (we have spoken on the phone and I am pretty good at weeding creeps/people I wouldn’t like intellectually out at chat stage), even if I don’t fancy him and therefore I would be happy to walk away for an hour and then just let that be that if there was no spark. I just feel as long as the walk is busy with others (which is tends to be, and it’s Wicklow mountains not Dublin ones my mistake) there is no danger. But friends are divided, some think I’m crazy as do some posters here

YellowLead · 23-12-2020 1:26pm

seenitall wrote: »

I don’t think I’ve ever been to the Dublin mountains to my memory, so I don’t know how busy they are. When you say busy, do you mean there is absolutely constantly someone around, like a public park sort of thing? In that case, I wouldn’t be too concerned. However, if it is just relatively busy for a random mountain spot, I would be more cautious. I wouldn’t be getting into anyone’s car or going anywhere with anyone that I would be out of sight of other people for an amount of time - thus the advice of meeting in public places for first dates. We women have to be careful unfortunately.

Now, statistically, you’re most likely to be perfectly safe and fine, and I hope it goes well in various aspects other than the health and safety ones! It’s your call on what to do, you are the one privy to every piece of information here. The best of luck!

Thank you! And I definitely won’t be getting into his car or going off course or anything like that.

Tork · 23-12-2020 1:44pm

It's water under the bridge now but if I was in your shoes, I'd not be revealing where I lived or worked that early in the day. At least not until I'd met him in person and got a better idea of what he was like. It's up to you what you choose to do for this first date. I wouldn't be comfortable with it but I'm not you.

Larry Bee · 23-12-2020 1:48pm

Do you think you'll be able to relax and enjoy the date after havi g this pointed out to you and reading the replies here?

YellowLead · 23-12-2020 1:49pm

Tork wrote: »

It's water under the bridge now but if I was in your shoes, I'd not be revealing where I lived or worked that early in the day. At least not until I'd met him in person and got a better idea of what he was like. It's up to you what you choose to do for this first date. I wouldn't be comfortable with it but I'm not you.

Good advice and I normally don’t - but when i see lawyer as occupation I sort of like to check because we need to make sure we don’t both work for the same firm.
I think your point about being comfortable is important too. I feel comfortable myself - but I was curious to see am I an outlier in that regard.

YellowLead · 23-12-2020 1:52pm

Larry Bee wrote: »

Do you think you'll be able to relax and enjoy the date after havi g this pointed out to you and reading the replies here?

Yes, I think so. I mean I was completely relaxed about it until my friends reaction. And some of the posters here have said as long as it’s in a busy sport and we are not alone there’s no real need for concern, it hasn’t been all on the negative don’t do it side.

Ranjo · 23-12-2020 2:05pm

It's a great idea to go for a hike. Just stay on the main trails and keep your phone handy or even have someone able to see your location. Like WhatsApp Live tracking.

If you have someone who can help, they could kind of tag along in the background, either secretly or let the date know.

YellowLead · 23-12-2020 2:07pm

Ranjo wrote: »

It's a great idea to go for a hike. Just stay on the main trails and keep your phone handy or even have someone able to see your location. Like WhatsApp Live tracking.

If you have someone who can help, they could kind of tag along in the background, either secretly or let the date know.

I think this is a good idea - no harm in it. And I agree - getting out and about in nature and enjoying the sights together sounds lovely. And if they like me in my hiking boots and big jacket etc, it’s a plus

Hamachi · 23-12-2020 2:08pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Yes, I think so. I mean I was completely relaxed about it until my friends reaction. And some of the posters here have said as long as it’s in a busy sport and we are not alone there’s no real need for concern, it hasn’t been all on the negative don’t do it side.

Hi OP,

My first date with my now wife was a run. We’re both runners. Having said that, it was in a very public, well populated park.

Personally, I think a hike sounds like a great idea for a date. However, I’d hold off until you know this fella a little better. It’s prudent to exercise a degree of caution when you are meeting a virtual stranger for the first time. Good luck.

TheadoreT · 23-12-2020 2:13pm

Whats the problem with the alternative walk suggestion that isnt up the mountains? If he's anyway normal he'll understand why you'd want to suggest somewhere less remote. Also a low lying park in winter is probably better than a blustery mountain so not really seing what you're missing out on here.

You can chat online or talk over the phone for weeks and wouldn't get as good a reading on someone compared to 30 seconds in their company in real life so leaving yourself in a potentially awkward position sounds a little unnecessary. He also may not be into you in real life and want out of the situation and regret the choice of location so may be awkward from that regard too.

Car99 · 23-12-2020 2:29pm

First date a hike. That is odd and bringing his dogs on a first date thats odd too. Maybe thats part of his selection process if she says yes then she has no problem with two important things in his life cause hes not for changing.

YellowLead · 23-12-2020 2:33pm

TheadoreT wrote: »

You can chat online or talk over the phone for weeks and wouldn't get as good a reading on someone compared to 30 seconds in their company in real life so leaving yourself in a potentially awkward position sounds a little unnecessary. He also may not be into you in real life and want out of the situation and regret the choice of location so may be awkward from that regard too.

I’m very confident in myself and if somebody felt they weren’t into me it won’t bother me in the slightest! I only meet people who are mature and self confident and polite too - I never meet anybody if I am uncertain whether we will get along and there is a risk the date might be weird (and yes as a result I’m probably overly fussy but it works for me) I never know if attraction will be there, or if we would be compatible romantically - but I always know if I’ll be able to chat away to somebody or not.

I appreciate all of this feedback however - it’s what I asked for and it’s interesting to see different perspectives so I thank everybody who has posted to date.
By the way I’m not going hiking for the whole day up to the top of any mountain, it’s more an hour around the foot of the mountains where lots of other walkers will be, and where the scenery is lovely - nicer than a city/town park in my opinion.

Persiancowboy · 23-12-2020 3:42pm

As a very regular hiker in both the Dublin and Wicklow mountains I would say this all depends on where exactly you are proposing to walk.

If you are around Kilmashogue and Ticknock then you are as safe as if you were in St Stephen's Green. A great many of these walks are extremely busy all year round and especially so at holiday time like Christmas/New Year.

There are however a lot of other trails that are extremely remote and probably not the wisest move with a stranger.

zoobizoo · 23-12-2020 3:42pm

If he brings a nice picnic for you, he's a keeper.

Enjoy your date.

YellowLead · 23-12-2020 3:45pm

zoobizoo wrote: »

If he brings a nice picnic for you, he's a keeper.

Enjoy your date.

Now does he need to hand make it himself, or can it be shop bought lol. He has said he will bring lunch given we can’t sit in somewhere and get it.

TheadoreT · 23-12-2020 3:53pm

YellowLead wrote: »

I’m very confident in myself and if somebody felt they weren’t into me it won’t bother me in the slightest! I only meet people who are mature and self confident and polite too - I never meet anybody if I am uncertain whether we will get along and there is a risk the date might be weird (and yes as a result I’m probably overly fussy but it works for me) I never know if attraction will be there, or if we would be compatible romantically - but I always know if I’ll be able to chat away to somebody or not.

I appreciate all of this feedback however - it’s what I asked for and it’s interesting to see different perspectives so I thank everybody who has posted to date.
By the way I’m not going hiking for the whole day up to the top of any mountain, it’s more an hour around the foot of the mountains where lots of other walkers will be, and where the scenery is lovely - nicer than a city/town park in my opinion.

I mean it sounds like there isn't a doubt in your mind and you were cracking on with it regardless of the thread.

With regards your friends worries, is there much risk of going- probably not. Is there a higher chance of something happening than there would in a more traditional first date location- absolutely. But still in the negligible category, probably talking the difference of .0001 and .000000001 so go on and have fun and best of luck.

Also the person who said bringing dogs is odd is absolutely wrong for the simple fact that dogs are the best.

YellowLead · 23-12-2020 3:56pm

TheadoreT wrote: »

I mean it sounds like there isn't a doubt in your mind and you were cracking on with it regardless of the thread.

With regards your friends worries, is there much risk of going- probably not. Is there a higher chance of something happening than there would in a more traditional first date location- absolutely. But still in the negligible category, probably talking the difference of .0001 and .000000001 so go on and have fun and best of luck.

Also the person who said bringing dogs is odd is absolutely wrong for the simple fact that dogs are the best.

Before I started the thread there was an element of doubt after my friends reaction, but having listened to the logic here - the positive comments that’s it’s not a bad idea, just take precautions I have my mind made up to continue. Even if there is probably more advice not to go, I wanted to hear both sides.
And I echo that about the dogs - I love dogs but don’t have any so it will be fun to hang out with somebody else’s. They will add to the conversation too.

zoobizoo · 23-12-2020 4:04pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Now does he need to hand make it himself, or can it be shop bought lol. He has said he will bring lunch given we can’t sit in somewhere and get it.

And you could bring a nice dessert.... or a flask of hot chocolate.

YellowLead · 23-12-2020 4:05pm

zoobizoo wrote: »

And you could bring a nice dessert.... or a flask of hot chocolate.

Good idea! I definitely want to contribute in some way.

SouthWesterly · 23-12-2020 4:18pm

Is it just me in thinking that most people here think it's bad idea and yet the op still thinks it's a good one.
It makes me wonder why people ask for advice only to ignore it.

Hope we hear from you again yellowlead

blue note · 23-12-2020 4:21pm

Best of luck - I hope you have fun!

YellowLead · 23-12-2020 4:32pm

SouthWesterly wrote: »

Is it just me in thinking that most people here think it's bad idea and yet the op still thinks it's a good one.
It makes me wonder why people ask for advice only to ignore it.

Hope we hear from you again yellowlead

Not everybody has been advising against it - there have been both opinions. If it was a solid it’s a terrible idea consensus I might have changed my mind. I genuinely did want to hear both sides of the argument though and I have appreciated all of the posts. It was opinion as well as advice I was after too.

YellowLead · 23-12-2020 4:32pm

blue note wrote: »

Best of luck - I hope you have fun!

Thanks - it’s not until the 29th so I’ll stick an update in then

eviltwin · 23-12-2020 5:17pm

I wouldn’t - not because I think you’re going to end up murdered or anything. It’s just being stuck somewhere with someone if it turns out you don’t click. It will be a long date if you don’t gel. I always say to my kids when you meet someone for the first time always go somewhere you can easily leave if you need to. A hike does sound nice alright but I’d leave it until I knew the person a bit better.

osarusan · 23-12-2020 5:26pm

I think the chance of being attacked is minimal, but the possibility of you not clicking and still being stuck in each other's company for a couple of hours is not minimal.

Maybe wait until you know for sure that you do click and that such a date will go well.

Sonic the Shaghog · 23-12-2020 5:43pm

SouthWesterly wrote: »

Is it just me in thinking that most people here think it's bad idea and yet the op still thinks it's a good one.
It makes me wonder why people ask for advice only to ignore it.

Hope we hear from you again yellowlead

Honestly I feel like if 9 out 10 say no the OP will go with the 1 yes alright.

YellowLead · 23-12-2020 5:48pm

Sonic the Shaghog wrote: »

Honestly I feel like if 9 out 10 say no the OP will go with the 1 yes alright.

I didn’t come on boards looking to be instructed what to do EXACTLY (now that would be a little weird) - I was just looking for perspectives

eviltwin · 23-12-2020 5:58pm

YellowLead wrote: »

I didn’t come on boards looking to be instructed what to do EXACTLY (now that would be a little weird) - I was just looking for perspectives

Trust your gut. You have spoken to this guy, we haven’t. Personally I wouldn’t do it but that doesn’t mean I’m right and your wrong. Just let someone know where you are and all the other precautions. I’m sure it will be fine and hopefully you have a lovely date.

o1s1n · 23-12-2020 6:11pm

Gotta hope no actual murderers are reading this thread and getting ideas that they can actually ask strangers to meet them up the mountains.

'and here I was like a fool kidnapping them and dragging them up the mountains when it turns out they'll go up on their own volition!'

Joking aside, I'm another one in the 'this is not a good idea' camp OP, for the multitude of reasons mention already. Seems a bit too cavalier and almost how a teenager would react to being told something is dangerous.

I'm sure you'll be fine but do check in afterwards so we're not all left worrying!

YellowLead · 23-12-2020 6:16pm

o1s1n wrote: »

Gotta hope no actual murderers are reading this thread and getting ideas that they can actually ask strangers to meet them up the mountains.

'and here I was like a fool kidnapping them and dragging them up the mountains when it turns out they'll go up on their own volition!'

Joking aside, I'm another one in the 'this is not a good idea' camp OP, for the multitude of reasons mention already. Seems a bit too cavalier and almost how a teenager would react to being told something is dangerous.

I'm sure you'll be fine but do check in afterwards so we're not all left worrying!

Thanks for your post. I’m not going anywhere remote per se - any time I have been on these trials they are usually quite busy and I would imagine they will be esp in covid times as there’s isn’t a lot to do bar walk. If I arrive and there is nobody there I will just suggest we sit in the car park and chat and maybe drive to a nearby town (separate cars) perhaps I am a tad cavalier and if I’m honest if it was my daughter I’d probably be saying are you mad and id insist on following

but I’m going with my gut.

YellowLead · 23-12-2020 6:17pm

It’s interesting that most people would say no - I must ask him if he has done this as a date before

LLMMLL · 23-12-2020 6:20pm

I'd say go and enjoy.

Yes most people are saying no but people are notoriously bad at assessing risk.

wally79 · 23-12-2020 6:21pm

The shovel is just for cleaning up after the dogs. Honest

accensi0n · 23-12-2020 6:22pm

Plot twist, YellowLead is actually an axe murderer.

YellowLead · 23-12-2020 6:23pm

accensi0n wrote: »

Plot twist, YellowLead is actually an axe murderer.

Doing my market research - lol

bitofabind · 23-12-2020 6:24pm

I've probably been burned too many times by the bad dates with guys who I got on SO well with for the weeks / hours we texted and chatted over the phone to do something like this. Not sure if you're new to dating and less jaded OP, but please remember: real-life can be a world of difference to the online buildup. You can meet someone and immediately either one of you feels an instant "HELL NO" and then be stuck with them for hours.

My rule of thumb has always been to give myself an easy out. Coffee date, or walk around the park, with a very definite deadline to leave because I've got plans.

23-12-2020 6:28pm

I don't see the harm, chatting with someone while you stroll around for an hour or so isn't the biggest hardship. Even if there's no spark you might get to mess about with his dogs along the way. Be sure to make some sort of joke about wondering if you'll be able to spot the place he intends to try murder and bury you, though.

givyjoe · 23-12-2020 6:34pm

MrsBean wrote: »

A work colleague of mine once went on a first date hike with someone. She turned on 'share my location' on her iphone with her best friend as a precaution.
She also made it clear she had other plans for afterwards and drove there in her own car.
As I recall I think she had her friend ring her during the date to check in too.

Not sure I'd do it myself. Maybe suggest a beach walk or park wall instead if you feel iffy about it.

If anyone really feels they need to do all of the above, perhaps don't go on a date with the guy or do something else.

Hiking as a first date with an online dating match - dangerous?

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