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Contact after date / hook up.

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Comments

  • #32
    YellowLead
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,026 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    Katgurl wrote: »
    Please ignore that foregone person. He was not right, he was a hypocrite .

    Surprisingly forgone has said she is female! A shocking attitude from a man and even more so a woman - that only a woman is responsible for safe sex! He was taking a risk too (if indeed this was even the activity) as there is oral gonnhorea (can’t spell that sorry) and other conditions so pot kettle black etc. He can’t judge her and remain unjudged.


  • #33
    TheadoreT
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 925 ✭✭✭TheadoreT


    Yeah was a crap thing for him to say. Even in the unlikely event of anything happening would you really be proud to be with someone that tactless?

    I will say I've never had a relationship spawn from a one night stand, a few FWB situations sure but nothing more. Any relationship I've had either came from being a friend first or through a handful of dates before sex. Having zero will power I'd usually suggest it after the first date though. I'm not sure if I've had less of a connection with the ones that I had sex with on first date, or we had less time to develop a connection. Or something on a subconscious level that I'm less respectful/trustful of women who have sex on a first date. I'd really hope it's not that but perhaps it's somewhat predisposed in mens minds. Like we'd like to see ourselves as the woke feminist and comment in forums in a likeable way but when it comes down to it I think that attitude is ingrained in a lot of men.

    Either way it doesnt sound like casual situations are for you OP so I think trying to develop more of a friendship first would be advisable .


  • #34
    seenitall
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭seenitall


    ^ People with low self-esteem don’t develop friendship first. Their desperation in looking for acceptance leads them into choosing the nearest, the most immediately available ‘hook’ that they imagine will get someone to appreciate them and love them. And that hook is very often sex. They can’t see the bigger picture of how unhealthy this is because they are too consumed by their intense needs. The only way for someone like this to grow and get themselves out of this vicious cycle is to stop looking for other people to fulfil them and start doing it themselves. No dating for a while, just start ‘dating’ yourself for a change. And this is very, very difficult for them to do, it is not unlike breaking an addiction. They don’t want to date themselves, because they don’t like themselves. So a vicious cycle of indiscriminate dating, unsatisfying hookups and feeling used and inadequate is what it is.


  • #35
    Katgurl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,145 ✭✭✭Katgurl


    YellowLead wrote: »
    Surprisingly forgone has said she is female! A shocking attitude from a man and even more so a woman - that only a woman is responsible for safe sex! He was taking a risk too (if indeed this was even the activity) as there is oral gonnhorea (can’t spell that sorry) and other conditions so pot kettle black etc. He can’t judge her and remain unjudged.

    Oh yes I know forgive is female, I meant OP's guy. And I totally agree with the rest of your post.


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