Night

adrian92 · 20-01-2020 07:51AM #1

Any views about this poem (it is about the fear of going to sleep- and the greater fear of waking up)

(Please tell me if it is a terrible piece of work)

NIGHT

It is not really full of darkness.
It justly seems that way.
Perhaps unjust.
But it seems that way.

In fairness, maybe, there is a dawn-
so it is said

Not so sad
A day; with light that can be almost confronted

not really

The night is hard - the dawn is worse.

But all know this - nothing new.

The night is hard because the dawn may come

km85264 · 21-01-2020 12:53PM

Hi Adrian
First of all congratulations on having the courage to post a personal poem up here, and please feel free to share your work any time.
Poetry is a very personal thing and good versus bad is such a subjective thing. Ultimately, you need to be the arbiter of whether it’s good or not. Read it over ten times, put it away for a month and read it again. Does it still inspire the emotions in you that you had when you wrote it. Do all the sentences read smoothly?
For me, I’m a short story writer, I would ask how you are engaging the reader. There’s a voice expressing despair but who’s voice is it? Paint us a picture of the narrator. Make us sympathetic to him and the emotion of his voice will ring stronger. Having said that, I’m not a poet, I’m probably not giving good poetry advice :-)
Whatever you do, keep on writing, you know you’re good enough to post!! Enjoy it
Kieran

Sheridan81 · 23-07-2020 10:06AM

It sounds like a series of unfocused non sequiturs to me. It doesn't say anything.

Night

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