Am i stupid getting in housemates argument with girlfriend?

steve66 · 24-04-2020 10:50AM #1

The situation
So I was in my room. I could hear housemate and girlfriend arguing in other room. Later they were in kitchen.
Girl shouting my name, telling me he is pulling my hair.
I go out, try to stop it. But really he stops himself. I am not strong.
Second time i got involved. First time he was pulling her down the stairs.
My lady told me not to get involved. I should just stay in my room.
I told her I would promise I would try. It is more likely that if I heard them arguing, I would get out of house for a while. But if I didn't get out in time i would probably just by instinct if not common sense intervene
I had no credit on phone to ring guards.
What would/did you do?

Boards.ie: Niamh · 24-04-2020 11:21AM

Moved from Test to the Personal Issues forum, you should get some replies here steve66.

steve66 · 24-04-2020 11:23AM

Thank you.

Mongfinder General · 24-04-2020 11:25AM

steve66 wrote: »

The situation
So I was in my room. I could hear housemate and girlfriend arguing in other room. Later they were in kitchen.
Girl shouting my name, telling me he is pulling my hair.
I go out, try to stop it. But really he stops himself. I am not strong.
Second time i got involved. First time he was pulling her down the stairs.
My lady told me not to get involved. I should just stay in my room.
I told her I would promise I would try. It is more likely that if I heard them arguing, I would get out of house for a while. But if I didn't get out in time i would probably just by instinct if not common sense intervene
I had no credit on phone to ring guards.
What would/did you do?

In the pre covid world, you should report the vicious bastard to the Gardaí and move out just to get away from these people. However, I guess you care about this girl. And you've probably nowhere to go under the current restrictions.

Plumbthedepths · 24-04-2020 11:25AM

steve66 wrote: »

The situation
So I was in my room. I could hear housemate and girlfriend arguing in other room. Later they were in kitchen.
Girl shouting my name, telling me he is pulling my hair.
I go out, try to stop it. But really he stops himself. I am not strong.
Second time i got involved. First time he was pulling her down the stairs.
My lady told me not to get involved. I should just stay in my room.
I told her I would promise I would try. It is more likely that if I heard them arguing, I would get out of house for a while. But if I didn't get out in time i would probably just by instinct if not common sense intervene
I had no credit on phone to ring guards.
What would/did you do?

You don't need credit on your phone to call the Garda. Do it the next time.
People turning the blind eye is what allows an abuser to continue.

mistress_gi · 24-04-2020 11:26AM

Wow, it sounds like there is a lot of abuse going on on that relationship. I think you tried to help. It didn't work. You need to distance yourself from that situation.
If I were you I'd try to move or get your housemate to move as soon as possible, not that easy or responsible with the lockdown.
No one deserves to live in those conditions...
But make sure you report it to the guards.

Cartman78 · 24-04-2020 11:31AM

Was in a similar-ish situation years ago in a rented house.

Went to the Gardai to report the abuse/violence but they said they can't do anything unless the victim reports it herself.

Laws/regulations may have changed since (this was about 15 years ago) or maybe I just encountered a guard who couldn't be bothered.

Sardonicat · 24-04-2020 11:35AM

Ring the guards straight away if it happens again ! You don't need credit to dial 999. I find your girlfriend's attitude disgusting . Encourage your housemate to contact Women's Aid if you can get her on her own and tell her your door is open if she needs help.

If this bustard is willing to get physical with her when he knows there are other people present imagine what he's like when no-one's around.

amdublin · 24-04-2020 03:41PM

Ring 999. You don't need credit

Dial Hard · 24-04-2020 04:52PM

There is an entire public awareness campaign going on right now advising people what to do if they witness or suspect domestic violence and the advice is report, report, report. Ring the Gardaí immediately if it happens again.

I can't believe people are actually advising you to turn a blind eye.

cannotlogin · 24-04-2020 07:44PM

I understand where you are coming from, every natural instinct you have screams help her but there's also the risk of the violence being redirected towards you and that brings it's own risk too.

Tbh, you all need to get out of this house. Have you options? Can you move out in the current situation because if you can, you should. Can you talk to her 2hen he's out of the house? Give her the women's aid helpline, encourage her to leave.

If you can't intervene,you need to ring the guards when it happens again. If she is badly injured, how do you feel with it knowing you did nothing?

Beasty · 24-04-2020 08:28PM

Closing this thread - will get back when I've had some input from the local mod team

EDIT:
Did not take long as a regular re-reg troll had been stirring things. Now sitebanned and posts deleted

Thread re-opened

Am i stupid getting in housemates argument with girlfriend?

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