Your guide to handling a**holes on public transport

lainey_d_123 · 14-02-2020 03:46PM

Mwengwe wrote: »

I've seen people similar to yourself who complain about the smell of sandwich fillings, or crisps, or dinner in tupperware as well. I heard of someone being attacked for eating peanuts.

Hell, I've seen people being judged for using public transport in the first place and not driving themselves like a grown-up.

Judgemental people will always find something to zero in on.

If you had consideration for others you wouldn't be getting so worked up about this. You'd get on with your life and accept that if something isn't illegal or harming anyone that attacking someone for doing it is bizarre.

It's not about being judgemental. A lot of people are genuinely bothered by smelly food in confined spaces. It's basic common sense and manners to try to limit how much you impose on other people, whether that's not listening to music without headphones, not chatting loudly on the phone or not eating stinky hot food. None of these things are 'illegal' but it shows your mentality that you think anything that isn't illegal is fair game. Absolutely selfish with no manners.

Go to Japan or Switzerland and see how far you get eating smelly fast food on a train. They wouldn't politely grin and bear it like most Irish people, they'd tell you to get the f**k out.

Mwengwe · 14-02-2020 03:53PM

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

It's not about being judgemental. A lot of people are genuinely bothered by smelly food in confined spaces. It's basic common sense and manners to try to limit how much you impose on other people, whether that's not listening to music without headphones, not chatting loudly on the phone or not eating stinky hot food. None of these things are 'illegal' but it shows your mentality that you think anything that isn't illegal is fair game. Absolutely selfish with no manners.

Go to Japan or Switzerland and see how far you get eating smelly fast food on a train. They wouldn't politely grin and bear it like most Irish people, they'd tell you to get the f**k out.

A lot of people are genuinely bothered by a lot of things. That's life. I'm bothered by people who smoke indoors in houseshares where they've been asked not to. Can't really stop them, sadly.

If the worst thing I can say about a person is that they have 'no manners' then there's probably worse people out there.

Edit: All good and well bringing up other cultures (I've actually heard that eating on the train is a big thing in Japan, I don't know I've never lived there) - generally if people smile and bear something it's because they know, deep down, how silly it would be confronting someone over something so minor.

El_Duderino 09 · 14-02-2020 03:55PM

Mwengwe wrote: »

Reminds me of this - I'm as irritable as they come but I will never understand how people get worked up to this point on public transport

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/city-worker-launched-aggressive-tirade-at-fellow-train-passenger-for-eating-boiled-eggs-at-6-am-104447030.html

Its a point of politeness but you're under no obligation to not eat normal food on public transport. You might choose to not eat in case it offends someone or in case someone is getting chemo therapy and easily nauseated, for example. But even if someone else is upset by your food, it's mostly their problem.

Tell me how · 14-02-2020 03:56PM

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Sorry, no. There's being honest and speaking your mind and then there's being a rude c*nt, and a lot of them fall into the latter category. There's a reason that tact and empathy are generally valued in societies around the world.

Another funny thing about the rude Dutch people I've known is that they could give it out but they could never, ever take it back. God forbid you spoke to them the way they spoke to you, they would be incredibly offended.

I mean, what can someone do if they accidentally spray a few drops of coffee on you? It's an accident. It's not like bitofabind woke up yesterday and decided to pour coffee over a stranger. She was getting up to let someone else out (so not even her own choice) and accidentally knocked an empty cup. She did apologise and offered some napkins. What else can you do?!

You can realize we are hearing half the story.
There are 3 versions to every interaction. Person A's, Person B's and the truth.

Same as your story about running through a crowd of tourists in order to make your train. Just because time is tight between your connection, doesn't give you the right to go through people like a bowling ball, because, in your view, they are behaving inappropriately. Sounds like they were in time for their train and were standing on the platform waiting for it. What did you want them to do? Disappear in to thin air?

Or, in relation to the old lady getting an elbow at Heathrow. Perish the thought that an older person who may be unfamiliar with travelling and may have been on their own can try to get their bearings for a second.

I usually try to imagine if my parents were in that situation, how would they behave, and how would I like them to be treated. I could definitely see them not moving as snappily everywhere as people familiar with the environment and I would definitely not be happy with someone who thought everyone else should behave exactly as they expect them to or they can be interfered with.

Mwengwe · 14-02-2020 04:00PM

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Its a point of politeness but you're under no obligation to not eat normal food on public transport. You might choose to not eat in case it offends someone or in case someone is getting chemo therapy and easily nauseated, for example. But even if someone else is upset by your food, it's mostly their problem.

If someone came up to me and said 'excuse me, I have really bad nausea, could you please not eat that until later?', I'd absolutely defer to them and apologise. I'm not a monster!

But this is something else with a lot of people, it's this weird puritanical thing of policing what people should or shouldn't do in public spaces, or getting bothered by generally harmless stuff that might slightly put them out for 20 minutes of their day.

Tell me how · 14-02-2020 04:05PM

Saw an interesting episode of this in Boston before Christmas.

On the city subway system, and the usual convention is in place where people getting on stand back to let people get off first. A lady tried to get on before this had happened and another passenger boarding told her she should wait. She took offense to that and started telling him he had disrespected her. He did not engage other than to repeatedly say, 'I don't want to talk to you'. She kept at and everyone in the carriage was now paying attention.
She then took out her phone and called 911 and asked for the police and said she wanted someone to come and talk to this man and to teach him manners. She was obviously told to get off the line and so she hung up.
She then rang her son (after telling him the man she was trying to argue with that he worked in a sheriffs office) and she was in the middle of telling him what had happened when she realized she had missed her stop!

El_Duderino 09 · 14-02-2020 04:05PM

Mwengwe wrote: »

If someone came up to me and said 'excuse me, I have really bad nausea, could you please not eat that until later?', I'd absolutely defer to them and apologise. I'm not a monster!

But this is something else with a lot of people, it's this weird puritanical thing of policing what people should or shouldn't do in public spaces, or getting bothered by generally harmless stuff that might slightly put them out for 20 minutes of their day.

Right. If someone asked you to stop, it would be up to you to choose whether to stop. I imagine most people would either stop eating or scoff it quickly.

Gary Gurney · 14-02-2020 04:08PM

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

It's not about being judgemental. A lot of people are genuinely bothered by smelly food in confined spaces. It's basic common sense and manners to try to limit how much you impose on other people, whether that's not listening to music without headphones, not chatting loudly on the phone or not eating stinky hot food. None of these things are 'illegal' but it shows your mentality that you think anything that isn't illegal is fair game. Absolutely selfish with no manners.

Go to Japan or Switzerland and see how far you get eating smelly fast food on a train. They wouldn't politely grin and bear it like most Irish people, they'd tell you to get the f**k out.

Tbh I'm very bothered myself by the fact others eating on public transport makes you so bothered.

dd973 · 14-02-2020 04:10PM

About 10 years back I was verbally bullied by two young scroates and some older c**t they roped into it on the 83 going through the Northside, I was tired going home after a days work and self-conscious of making a scene on a crowded bus so I ignored it, I sometimes envy people who get instant red mist because in lots of flashbacks on certain days I'm in the mood to go back to that incident and break the c**ts eye socket with one punch. I can physically handle myself and the fact I didn't do that needles me when I get the flashbacks, it feels like they won and got off the hook despite the fact I probably did 'the right thing'.

elefant · 14-02-2020 04:25PM

krissovo wrote: »

The Dutch are not rude, they are society who speak their minds (similar to South Africans) and I find the most honest in Europe, they call a spade ...... a spade. Not like us who put a brave face on everything and hold back our real emotions. If roles were reversed and she spilled coffee on the OP there is a good chance he would have apologized to her, its our nature.

This is a big pet peeve of mine: Dutch people using this idea that they're 'direct' to excuse themselves acting like complete assholes. You hear about their 'directness' so often it actually comes across as a source of national pride.

I've had Dutch people, on numerous occasions, start talking in a professional setting with a precursor along the lines of- 'Allow me to do this the Dutch direct way for a minute'. It's their equivalent of 'No offence, but...', except that it's culturally acceptable to many of the Dutch rather than an admission that you're about to take the piss.

Tell me how · 14-02-2020 04:29PM

elefant wrote: »

This is a big pet peeve of mine: Dutch people using this idea that they're 'direct' to excuse themselves acting like complete assholes. You hear about their 'directness' so often it actually comes across as a source of national pride.

I've had Dutch people, on numerous occasions, start talking in a professional setting with a precursor along the lines of- 'Allow me to do this the Dutch direct way for a minute'. It's their equivalent of 'No offence, but...', except that it's culturally acceptable to many of the Dutch rather than an admission that you're about to take the piss.

How about some of the Irish and 'the craic' in the same context?
Some Americans are also guilty of trying to 'own every meeting?

They're stereotypes, but not an absolute rule.

lainey_d_123 · 14-02-2020 04:33PM

Tell me how wrote: »

You can realize we are hearing half the story.
There are 3 versions to every interaction. Person A's, Person B's and the truth.

Same as your story about running through a crowd of tourists in order to make your train. Just because time is tight between your connection, doesn't give you the right to go through people like a bowling ball, because, in your view, they are behaving inappropriately. Sounds like they were in time for their train and were standing on the platform waiting for it. What did you want them to do? Disappear in to thin air?

Or, in relation to the old lady getting an elbow at Heathrow. Perish the thought that an older person who may be unfamiliar with travelling and may have been on their own can try to get their bearings for a second.

I usually try to imagine if my parents were in that situation, how would they behave, and how would I like them to be treated. I could definitely see them not moving as snappily everywhere as people familiar with the environment and I would definitely not be happy with someone who thought everyone else should behave exactly as they expect them to or they can be interfered with.

They knew there was a crowd of people running to make a train. Common sense and manners dictate that you do not suddenly stop dead at the bottom of steps, five abreast and block everyone behind you and make them miss their train. You shouldn't ever be walking that many abreast in the first place - it's bad manners because nobody can pass you. Even if you didn't realise that there were 100 people behind you trying to get past. Nor should you ever stop dead at the bottom of an escalator or at the bottom of stairs. But God forbid anyone would ever consider others, right? Because it's just so hard to move aside and make way. :rolleyes:

Anyone who does that absolutely deserves to be shoved out of the way. Might make them think twice next time before behaving like a selfish tw@t.

elefant · 14-02-2020 04:36PM

Tell me how wrote: »

How about some of the Irish and 'the craic' in the same context?

I don't think many Irish people would honestly disagree with that.

Realt Dearg Sec · 14-02-2020 06:13PM

I once went out with a Dutch girl. She was phenomenally good looking.

I don't really have anything to contribute to the thread, I just wanted to let ye know.

punisher5112 · 14-02-2020 06:42PM

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

I once went out with a Dutch girl. She was phenomenally good looking.

I don't really have anything to contribute to the thread, I just wanted to let ye know.

Dutch gold worked wonders for you then...

citysights · 14-02-2020 09:52PM

punisher5112 wrote: »

Exactly what you done is exactly why they do it.....

Simple no or sorry no change or hell fcuk right off work quite well.

You are right but on that day I was going to a meeting didn’t want any upset and was the only woman sitting in the station waiting room with these guys who seemed a bit shady. I gave him the money then went outside and moved up the platform well away from them. Lesson learnt won’t be sitting in a station waiting room again. Pity travel has to be like this but there you go

marialouise · 15-02-2020 12:19AM

Mwengwe wrote: »

I get that but I'd sooner a Supermacs than one of those horrible convenience-shop sandwiches anyday... there's a reason they put a Supermacs in Heuston station. Maybe take it up with Supermacs! If someone 'called me out' for something like that I'd laugh in their face.

Also i don't really think the food smell lingers once you've eaten it unless you've got an extremely sensitive sense of smell - which might take 20 minutes max? People are so precious about this stuff.

God forbid you ever end up on the London underground...

And you'll have seen from my post just above that one that I do travel in London as I've been living there for a number of years.
Incidentally, I have never, ever in my years of commuting encountered anyone eating smelly food on the underground (before the post-pub crowd late at night). It happens on the mainline trains regularly, but I rarely see people eat anything more than a pastry or a sandwich on the tube. I have a feeling you'd get scorned pretty quickly if you cracked out a Supermacs on a busy underground!

Mwengwe · 15-02-2020 01:36AM

marialouise wrote: »

And you'll have seen from my post just above that one that I do travel in London as I've been living there for a number of years.
Incidentally, I have never, ever in my years of commuting encountered anyone eating smelly food on the underground (before the post-pub crowd late at night). It happens on the mainline trains regularly, but I rarely see people eat anything more than a pastry or a sandwich on the tube. I have a feeling you'd get scorned pretty quickly if you cracked out a Supermacs on a busy underground!

Nah that wasn't what I meant, have never seen someone eating on the underground - I meant in the sense of that horrible diesel/brake fluid (whatever it is?) smell that pervades the tube. Find it really overpowering at times. All part of it though.

For what it's worth after reading this thread I'll probably be a bit wary of eating on public transport in future. But it's something that would never have occurred to me in the past - unless I was in very close proximity to someone, in which case I wouldn't eat out of self-consciousness. I'm genuinely flabbergasted that people get so worked up about, say, someone eating in the same carriage. I looked up a Guardian article on it last night (down the rabbit-hole) and some of the comments after the article were saying things like 'hope these people die horrible deaths' etc. It's all a bit crazy to me! There's enough genuine reasons to hate people these days.

punisher5112 · 15-02-2020 02:55AM

Did you ever see why they have to clean under the escalators????

Dead skin and huge risk of fire....

Millicently · 15-02-2020 09:32AM

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

I once went out with a Dutch girl. She was phenomenally good looking.

I don't really have anything to contribute to the thread, I just wanted to let ye know.

She wasn't called Daphne by any chance was she? Used to have an Irish lad and his Dutch girlfriend living above us and at least 3 times a week she'd start a massive row with him as soon as he got in the door which would eventually be followed by very loud sex. She wasn't working so she was bored, anyway it was very tedious listening to it and she must have been incredibly good in bed for him to put up with all that arguing.

Realt Dearg Sec · 15-02-2020 04:05PM

Millicently wrote: »

She wasn't called Daphne by any chance was she? Used to have an Irish lad and his Dutch girlfriend living above us and at least 3 times a week she'd start a massive row with him as soon as he got in the door which would eventually be followed by very loud sex. She wasn't working so she was bored, anyway it was very tedious listening to it and she must have been incredibly good in bed for him to put up with all that arguing.

Unless the sex was very quick and underwhelming it probably wasn't me.

machaseh · 18-02-2020 11:38AM

elefant wrote: »

This is a big pet peeve of mine: Dutch people using this idea that they're 'direct' to excuse themselves acting like complete assholes. You hear about their 'directness' so often it actually comes across as a source of national pride.

I've had Dutch people, on numerous occasions, start talking in a professional setting with a precursor along the lines of- 'Allow me to do this the Dutch direct way for a minute'. It's their equivalent of 'No offence, but...', except that it's culturally acceptable to many of the Dutch rather than an admission that you're about to take the piss.

This is literally better than beating around the bush like ye irish do

jem · 18-02-2020 12:11PM

A jusus poor old supermac's geting a hard time on here.
I love a good old snackbox and also love the smell of it.

Paddigol · 18-02-2020 01:07PM

machaseh wrote: »

This is literally better than beating around the bush like ye irish do

It sounds like you're just a bit bitter by the fact that, broadly speaking, most nationalities get on well with the Irish and we're seen as good company and a decent sort. The Dutch on the other hand...

machaseh · 18-02-2020 03:45PM

Paddigol wrote: »

It sounds like you're just a bit bitter by the fact that, broadly speaking, most nationalities get on well with the Irish and we're seen as good company and a decent sort. The Dutch on the other hand...

This is not true at all. Most people outside of Ireland/US/UK just don't know much about Ireland at all, same for me before I came to Ireland.

18-02-2020 03:50PM

bitofabind wrote: »

Currently taking a Eurostar train from London to Rotterdam. Middle Aged Dutch wan in front of me chomping her way through sandwiches, crisps and cake the whole journey so far.

I’m in the outside seat in a four-seater with a table between us. Lady on the inside needs the loo so I stand up, empty coffee cup flies across the table and a few specks of coffee hit the legs of hungry Dutchie in front of me, who’s sprawled across both seats. She gasps and glares at me so I apologise and offer her some napkins to clean up. She keeps glaring so I say “there’s nothing I can do” / she gasps again “I cannot believe you said that” / “why? What exactly would you like me to do?” Cue continued outrage and glaring.

To clarify - we’re talking a few flecks of coffee from the bottom of an empty cup here, not some “I need a change of outfit and the rest of my journey has been ruined” disaster.

I’ve now re-seated myself in an empty seat across the way and am ignoring her glares in my direction, what an absolute wagon this woman must be to everyone who knows her, is what I’m thinking.

How do the goof folks of AH handle such bints on public transport?

Start singing this tune

https://youtu.be/HcGNqrAtsgg?t=38

substituting thunderkunts for thundercats

Stevieluvsye · 18-02-2020 03:53PM

machaseh wrote: »

This is not true at all. Most people outside of Ireland/US/UK just don't know much about Ireland at all, same for me before I came to Ireland.

Love this kind of sh!te talk

What % is "most people" we are talking about in the EU?

Because i can tell you the Eastern bloc nations would have a greater knowledge than the yanks

Millicently · 18-02-2020 05:21PM

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

Love this kind of sh!te talk

What % is "most people" we are talking about in the EU?

Because i can tell you the Eastern bloc nations would have a greater knowledge than the yanks

In fairness the poster is right. Your claim is partially correct but only because so many Eastern Europeans have lived here for years and have family who visit them here. As far as Eastern Europe goes, Ireland is as big an immigration destination as Britain was for Irish people.

Stevieluvsye · 18-02-2020 05:23PM

Millicently wrote: »

In fairness the poster is right. Your claim is partially correct but only because so many Eastern Europeans have lived here for years and have family who visit them here. As far as Eastern Europe goes, Ireland is as big an immigration destination as Britain was for Irish people.

They are making assumptions. Give me some stats to back the claim up

Mwengwe · 18-02-2020 05:47PM

jem wrote: »

A jusus poor old supermac's geting a hard time on here.
I love a good old snackbox and also love the smell of it.

a good hearty smell

Your guide to handling a**holes on public transport

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