Your guide to handling a**holes on public transport

lainey_d_123 · 12-02-2020 02:57PM

JustAThought wrote: »

Its basic courtesy to hold onto a cup or beverage when standing up -and people are passing by - particularly on a moving train - it’s an entirely predictable event. Your lack of consideration was possibly what irked her most and triggered her foot stomping evil eye rolling. Seriously.

Is Pret a still a thing? I’d totally forgotten them - I’d almost just go to London just to gorge on their sambos - yum. Big happy flashback. Wasn’t it in one of them that some idiot left her 3 million Stradivarious violin by accident a few years back!? Actually got it back too! Miracles never cease! Lesson learned.

What a weird thing to say. It sounds like it was yer wan's own coffee cup, or the other girl's, not bitofabind's. Who would think to pick up an empty coffee cup when standing up, especially one across the table? These are tiny spaces and tables get knocked, especially when you're standing up in a hurry to let someone else out, when you hadn't planned to be getting up.

Accidents happen...I had an entire cup of hot tea spilled all over me by a flight attendant on a plane when someone rudely pushed past him to get to the toilet. It didn't just stain my top, it actually hurt and I had to go and put running cold water on my wrist. I suppose you would have sued him?

Anyone who gets this upset about a few drops of coffee needs to get a fcking grip, honestly.

El_Duderino 09 · 12-02-2020 03:01PM

I was commuting home one evening on a full train. Out my earphones in and played a podcast. It was a normal adult podcast with sone swearing and adult content. It just seemed very low volume. I cranked the volume up and up to the max but it only got a bit louder but I could hear it well enough. Thought me earphones were knackered.

After about 10 mins I realised my earphones were plugged out and it was playing on speaker the whole time.

marialouise · 12-02-2020 09:47PM

I looooove (gentle) confrontation on public transport. I'm the first to call people out on crappy behaviour by very politely making them feel uncomfortable. Killing with kindness also works a treat, especially when others are listening!

In this wan's case, I'd have been very embarrassed that I spilled the coffee and have done exactly what you did.
After you moved and she kept gawking, I'd have then gone back over to her and said "I am so sorry about the accident and have already apologised and done what I can to help you. Is there anything else I can see you're still upset as you're staring at me, and it's making me uncomfortable, actually. Is there anything else I could do to fix this?". I don't want anyone thinking I'm trying to intimidate people or anything, but striking the balance of confident, pointed but perfectly pleasant question that they have to answer usually will embarrass someone enough to leave you alone.

citysights · 12-02-2020 11:07PM

People need to feel that they can travel safely and without intimidation. Don’t use public transport much but recently had a person begging me for money for drink machine at the station, just gave it as didn’t want hassle but don’t think should have been approached in first place. Probably happens at stations all over the world but shouldn’t become an epidemic and so far of course it’s not

lainey_d_123 · 12-02-2020 11:10PM

marialouise wrote: »

I looooove (gentle) confrontation on public transport. I'm the first to call people out on crappy behaviour by very politely making them feel uncomfortable. Killing with kindness also works a treat, especially when others are listening!

In this wan's case, I'd have been very embarrassed that I spilled the coffee and have done exactly what you did.
After you moved and she kept gawking, I'd have then gone back over to her and said "I am so sorry about the accident and have already apologised and done what I can to help you. Is there anything else I can see you're still upset as you're staring at me, and it's making me uncomfortable, actually. Is there anything else I could do to fix this?". I don't want anyone thinking I'm trying to intimidate people or anything, but striking the balance of confident, pointed but perfectly pleasant question that they have to answer usually will embarrass someone enough to leave you alone.

TBH I disagree...she sounds like a wagon on a power trip....why should anyone grovel to her? People like that get off on intimidating others and being rude. I'd simply say 'what are you staring at? It was an accident, and I apologised, so stop being an absolute tool'.

punisher5112 · 12-02-2020 11:13PM

citysights wrote: »

People need to feel that they can travel safely and without intimidation. Don’t use public transport much but recently had a person begging me for money for drink machine at the station, just gave it as didn’t want hassle but don’t think should have been approached in first place. Probably happens at stations all over the world but shouldn’t become an epidemic and so far of course it’s not

Exactly what you done is exactly why they do it.....

Simple no or sorry no change or hell fcuk right off work quite well.

Mwengwe · 12-02-2020 11:24PM

Millicently wrote: »

I absolutely hate when they eat stinky food in a confined windowless space. You can be trapped for hours with it. The amount of people who buy crap from Supermacs and eat it on the train from Heuston is ridiculous, that crap should be banned, the stench of it is atrocious but I console myself that it's probably going to leave them raw arsed on the way out of them.

I've done this before, usually you've been travelling or on your feet all day and you're starving. Would you rather people starve?

On a completely unrelated note (honest), I was on a bus once with this really, really tiny toilet cubicle. There was a woman sitting pretty much in front of it and when I came out after using it she made a really theatrical show of being offended by the smell, she even went and said something to the bus driver, who I think just told her to sit back down and cop on. I did my best to mitigate it obviously, but like I said this cubicle was tiny and once you open the door the smell is obviously going to be evident for a few seconds.
It was really a bit much, can't imagine wanting to humiliate someone like that (not that I really let it bother me, nothing i can control) - could have had a stomach condition for all she knew.

Anyway, I think a lot of people just expect public transport to be 100% to their liking which it's never going to be - it's like house-sharing and expecting people not to annoy you with their habits.

Millicently · 13-02-2020 12:12PM

Mwengwe wrote: »

I've done this before, usually you've been travelling or on your feet all day and you're starving. Would you rather people starve?

On a completely unrelated note (honest), I was on a bus once with this really, really tiny toilet cubicle. There was a woman sitting pretty much in front of it and when I came out after using it she made a really theatrical show of being offended by the smell, she even went and said something to the bus driver, who I think just told her to sit back down and cop on. I did my best to mitigate it obviously, but like I said this cubicle was tiny and once you open the door the smell is obviously going to be evident for a few seconds.
It was really a bit much, can't imagine wanting to humiliate someone like that (not that I really let it bother me, nothing i can control) - could have had a stomach condition for all she knew.

Anyway, I think a lot of people just expect public transport to be 100% to their liking which it's never going to be - it's like house-sharing and expecting people not to annoy you with their habits.

I get where you're coming from and no, I don't want people to starve. It's just that some food smells turn my stomach, burgers and those supermarket cooked chickens are the worst for it. I can feel myself starting to wretch if there's someone near me in a supermarket with one. What's worse is people who leave their food rubbish on seats. You know yourself how busy public transport is and how hard it can be to get a seat, it's awful when you spot an empty seat only to find it's empty because someone's left a plastic bag of chicken bones and skin on the seat and there's no bin to put it in.

marialouise · 14-02-2020 12:02AM

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

TBH I disagree...she sounds like a wagon on a power trip....why should anyone grovel to her? People like that get off on intimidating others and being rude. I'd simply say 'what are you staring at? It was an accident, and I apologised, so stop being an absolute tool'.

I wouldn't say I grovel! But by being polite but firm, and pushing for an answer as to what more you can do to resolve the situation, she would be forced to either kick off a confrontation (which I would win) or say "nothing, no", and then I would say "well it's making me very uncomfortable that you continue to stare at me when you agree that I've done all I can, and I would appreciate if you could stop." ... until she feels so awkward that she never looks at you again.

It's a win-win.

Except in London because I regularly get myself into this situation there and will get stabbed some day.

marialouise · 14-02-2020 12:07AM

punisher5112 wrote: »

Exactly what you done is exactly why they do it.....

Simple no or sorry no change or hell fcuk right off work quite well.

I agree with this! You'd be broke if you did it to everyone, just easier to say "I've no cash sorry." But it is an awful situation to be put in.

Mwengwe wrote: »

I've done this before, usually you've been travelling or on your feet all day and you're starving. Would you rather people starve?

On a completely unrelated note (honest), I was on a bus once with this really, really tiny toilet cubicle. There was a woman sitting pretty much in front of it and when I came out after using it she made a really theatrical show of being offended by the smell, she even went and said something to the bus driver, who I think just told her to sit back down and cop on. I did my best to mitigate it obviously, but like I said this cubicle was tiny and once you open the door the smell is obviously going to be evident for a few seconds.
It was really a bit much, can't imagine wanting to humiliate someone like that (not that I really let it bother me, nothing i can control) - could have had a stomach condition for all she knew.

Anyway, I think a lot of people just expect public transport to be 100% to their liking which it's never going to be - it's like house-sharing and expecting people not to annoy you with their habits.

No one is saying people have to starve. There are just more 'considerate' food items that others... A sandwich and a piece of fruit aren't exactly going to offend people as much as say, a curry which stinks up a whole carriage. It's sort of common sense. I'm not really fussed, I'm just always surprised when people get on with a big load of stinky food how they think it's okay. Wouldn't call them out on it or anything.

Mwengwe · 14-02-2020 12:35AM

marialouise wrote: »

I agree with this! You'd be broke if you did it to everyone, just easier to say "I've no cash sorry." But it is an awful situation to be put in.

No one is saying people have to starve. There are just more 'considerate' food items that others... A sandwich and a piece of fruit aren't exactly going to offend people as much as say, a curry which stinks up a whole carriage. It's sort of common sense. I'm not really fussed, I'm just always surprised when people get on with a big load of stinky food how they think it's okay. Wouldn't call them out on it or anything.

I get that but I'd sooner a Supermacs than one of those horrible convenience-shop sandwiches anyday... there's a reason they put a Supermacs in Heuston station. Maybe take it up with Supermacs! If someone 'called me out' for something like that I'd laugh in their face.

Also i don't really think the food smell lingers once you've eaten it unless you've got an extremely sensitive sense of smell - which might take 20 minutes max? People are so precious about this stuff.

God forbid you ever end up on the London underground...

anewme · 14-02-2020 12:56AM

In the case of the fatty fish fiends beside me on the plane, they used their hands to scoop their home made fish concoction from their old jar ( it was bramwell pickle jar) and put it onto their cold toast and then wiped their fingers in their jumper.

Every time one of them moved their hand, the overpowering fish odour wafted around.

lainey_d_123 · 14-02-2020 01:08AM

Mwengwe wrote: »

I get that but I'd sooner a Supermacs than one of those horrible convenience-shop sandwiches anyday... there's a reason they put a Supermacs in Heuston station. Maybe take it up with Supermacs! If someone 'called me out' for something like that I'd laugh in their face.

Also i don't really think the food smell lingers once you've eaten it unless you've got an extremely sensitive sense of smell - which might take 20 minutes max? People are so precious about this stuff.

God forbid you ever end up on the London underground...

It does, though. Hot food, especially fast food, absolutely stinks, and it's really unpleasant to be near someone eating it on a train or bus. I was brought up not to eat on public transport...why does anyone need to be tucking into a full meal on a train?? Sure, an apple or a cereal bar or even a sandwich if you're really starving, but a burger and fries?

Mwengwe · 14-02-2020 01:19AM

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

It does, though. Hot food, especially fast food, absolutely stinks, and it's really unpleasant to be near someone eating it on a train or bus. I was brought up not to eat on public transport...why does anyone need to be tucking into a full meal on a train?? Sure, an apple or a cereal bar or even a sandwich if you're really starving, but a burger and fries?

You'd wonder how anyone manages to eat fast food if it smells so bad. Just people looking for things to get upset about. If you were sitting in a restaurant and the neighbouring table ordered something 'pungent' would that bother you?

If someone is commuting it's very possible that that's the only chance they get to have their dinner/evening meal. I can't believe you're actually asking that question, why do you think someone eats a meal, for the laugh? Have some empathy instead of demanding Public Transport conform to your sensibilities.

Bigbagofcans · 14-02-2020 01:22AM

bitofabind wrote: »

Nothing to do with her being Dutch anyway, I met some wholly sound people today who were pleasant, kind and happy-out, so I'm putting it down to bad egg sour-puss encounter on public transport. Gas craic that you'd consider her behaviour normal, I guess it takes all sorts.

You should have treated her to a Dutch oven!

Mwengwe · 14-02-2020 01:26AM

Reminds me of this - I'm as irritable as they come but I will never understand how people get worked up to this point on public transport

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/city-worker-launched-aggressive-tirade-at-fellow-train-passenger-for-eating-boiled-eggs-at-6-am-104447030.html

Antares35 · 14-02-2020 01:29AM

machaseh wrote: »

I made a thread on how Irish people are superficial on this forum a while ago and it exploded into a 100 page rac1st tirade telling me to get out of Ireland.

Don't dish out what you can't serve is the motto, and the Irish are certainly not better at following that motto than the Dutch.

Yeah because you were mostly spouting anecdotal evidence to back up your sweeping comments about an entire nation. You can't judge and entire country based on your own restricted and limited experience and many of your posts support the theory that you are in fact the social defect in the interactions you refer to.

punisher5112 · 14-02-2020 01:30AM

On a bus food stinks bad.... Funny thing is it's worse for the driver as all the smells go to the front and even worse if the drivers window is open.

I find McDonald to be the worst smell.

Pringles sour cream are vile when you aren't eating them yourself..

andekwarhola · 14-02-2020 01:56AM

Ignore them.

Millicently · 14-02-2020 08:08AM

Mwengwe wrote: »

I get that but I'd sooner a Supermacs than one of those horrible convenience-shop sandwiches anyday... there's a reason they put a Supermacs in Heuston station. Maybe take it up with Supermacs! If someone 'called me out' for something like that I'd laugh in their face.

Also i don't really think the food smell lingers once you've eaten it unless you've got an extremely sensitive sense of smell - which might take 20 minutes max? People are so precious about this stuff.

God forbid you ever end up on the London underground...

It doesn't clear in 20 minutes max though. You are traveling in a confined space with no windows to be opened and recycled air. It's like someone using the canteen microwave to reheat fish, that smell lingers. As for London Underground, if memory serves the smell of BO usually covers most other smells and on the Underground most people aren't traveling long distances plus the doors open frequently. If you're in a train carriage or on a bus that's not the case. Supermacs food is filth, I haven't eaten any of it for at least 3 years, it's an excellent laxative.

lainey_d_123 · 14-02-2020 09:55AM

Mwengwe wrote: »

You'd wonder how anyone manages to eat fast food if it smells so bad. Just people looking for things to get upset about. If you were sitting in a restaurant and the neighbouring table ordered something 'pungent' would that bother you?

If someone is commuting it's very possible that that's the only chance they get to have their dinner/evening meal. I can't believe you're actually asking that question, why do you think someone eats a meal, for the laugh? Have some empathy instead of demanding Public Transport conform to your sensibilities.

Yes, I do wonder how people manage to eat fast food, but that's their business as long a they're not stinking up a bus or a train with it.

There is absolutely no situation in which someone 'has' to eat their evening meal on public transport, and I say that as someone who used to work two jobs and got home after 10.30pm. It's anti social and disgusting. Pack a dinner in a tupperware box or wait until you get home, it's not that hard. Others have the right to travel home without being subjected to your stinking food.

It absolutely reeks and a restaurant with ventilation is very different to a confined space. It's just about being considerate towards others instead of putting your own needs first all the time - shame you weren't brought up with basic manners.

petes · 14-02-2020 10:04AM

Mwengwe wrote: »

. If you were sitting in a restaurant and the neighbouring table ordered something 'pungent' would that bother you?

But I'm not getting public transport to eat my dinner, stupid analogy.

An you posts stink of the type of person that does the very things mentioned in this thread.

Mwengwe · 14-02-2020 01:32PM

petes wrote: »

But I'm not getting public transport to eat my dinner, stupid analogy.

An you posts stink of the type of person that does the very things mentioned in this thread.

I've already freely admitted in a previous post that I've taken fast food on a train, yes. Not going to be starving on a three hour journey because i'm worried about offending some utter judgemental bellend.

Why is it a stupid analogy? If something wouldn't bother you in one setting why does it do so in another? Try untangling that and questioning it.

Mwengwe · 14-02-2020 01:35PM

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Yes, I do wonder how people manage to eat fast food, but that's their business as long a they're not stinking up a bus or a train with it.

There is absolutely no situation in which someone 'has' to eat their evening meal on public transport, and I say that as someone who used to work two jobs and got home after 10.30pm. It's anti social and disgusting. Pack a dinner in a tupperware box or wait until you get home, it's not that hard. Others have the right to travel home without being subjected to your stinking food.

It absolutely reeks and a restaurant with ventilation is very different to a confined space. It's just about being considerate towards others instead of putting your own needs first all the time - shame you weren't brought up with basic manners.

You're being ridiculous and intolerant. Lots of people can't eat too close to their bedtime for medical/sleep quality reasons. How can someone be this blinkered and intolerant. I don't care if you worked 20 jobs at once, you don't speak for other people.

I was brought up not to be judgemental or self-regarding, and to appreciate that everyone is fighting their own battle in life - and I thank my parents for that. Your post reeks of snobbery and I don't even want to imagine what your other views on social issues are.

Patrick2010 · 14-02-2020 02:46PM

Mwengwe wrote: »

I've already freely admitted in a previous post that I've taken fast food on a train, yes. Not going to be starving on a three hour journey because i'm worried about offending some utter judgemental bellend.

Why is it a stupid analogy? If something wouldn't bother you in one setting why does it do so in another? Try untangling that and questioning it.

Could you not eat before getting on the train?

lainey_d_123 · 14-02-2020 02:50PM

Mwengwe wrote: »

You're being ridiculous and intolerant. Lots of people can't eat too close to their bedtime for medical/sleep quality reasons. How can someone be this blinkered and intolerant. I don't care if you worked 20 jobs at once, you don't speak for other people.

I was brought up not to be judgemental or self-regarding, and to appreciate that everyone is fighting their own battle in life - and I thank my parents for that. Your post reeks of snobbery and I don't even want to imagine what your other views on social issues are.

Great, so what's stopping them packing some sandwiches/crisps/chocolate/granola bars to eat on the way back? On what planet are people 'forced' to eat Supermacs on the train? Get a grip. Your work hours and dietary needs are not the concern of everyone around you.

I'm not remotely snobby. I'm from a working class family and grew up without a pot to p1ss in. Didn't stop me learning manners and consideration for others, which apparently you never did.

lainey_d_123 · 14-02-2020 02:54PM

Patrick2010 wrote: »

Could you not eat before getting on the train?

Oh no, why should he have to do what everyone else does? Of course everyone else should have to put up with his stinking fast food smell for a three-hour journey because he's a bit hungry...that's what happens when you're brought up to think the world revolves around you!

Pregnant with morning sickness? Travel sick? Just want to travel in relative comfort? Too bad, because Mwengwe is entitled to have his Supermacs, and screw everyone else!

Mwengwe · 14-02-2020 03:28PM

Patrick2010 wrote: »

Could you not eat before getting on the train?

Obviously not, but if i could have ate it on the street or on the platform some stuck-up person with nothing else to worry about in life would probably have taken issue with that too.

Mwengwe · 14-02-2020 03:29PM

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Oh no, why should he have to do what everyone else does? Of course everyone else should have to put up with his stinking fast food smell for a three-hour journey because he's a bit hungry...that's what happens when you're brought up to think the world revolves around you!

Pregnant with morning sickness? Travel sick? Just want to travel in relative comfort? Too bad, because Mwengwe is entitled to have his Supermacs, and screw everyone else!

You're being absolutely ridiculous, it's slightly compelling to watch.

Mwengwe · 14-02-2020 03:36PM

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Great, so what's stopping them packing some sandwiches/crisps/chocolate/granola bars to eat on the way back? On what planet are people 'forced' to eat Supermacs on the train? Get a grip. Your work hours and dietary needs are not the concern of everyone around you.

I'm not remotely snobby. I'm from a working class family and grew up without a pot to p1ss in. Didn't stop me learning manners and consideration for others, which apparently you never did.

I've seen people similar to yourself who complain about the smell of sandwich fillings, or crisps, or dinner in tupperware as well. I heard of someone being attacked for eating peanuts.

Hell, I've seen people being judged for using public transport in the first place and not driving themselves like a grown-up.

Judgemental people will always find something to zero in on.

If you had consideration for others you wouldn't be getting so worked up about this. You'd get on with your life and accept that if something isn't illegal or harming anyone that attacking someone for doing it is bizarre.

Your guide to handling a**holes on public transport

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