Loneliness and singledom

Earthhorse · 07-02-2020 08:57PM

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Is it anything like the “book” thread on here where every third book has “Auschwitz” in the title?

Or, at least, a topic that equally “harrowing”, and boring.

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Or something modern, Irish, and ‘difficult’ for the sake of it.

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Well, yes.

bitofabind · 07-02-2020 09:00PM

Deleted User wrote: »

I am rarely lonely now. I could be on top of a mountain and be full. That's because there's something inside me which I can access, a sort of "you have yourself no matter who comes and goes and you will be ok".
It took a lot of loss and therapy for me to get to that point.

That's such a lovely sentiment

I feel the same. I really enjoy my own company and between work and travel and social obligations, I don't quite ever feel like I get enough of it! Which is another problem in itself - I'm single and the incentive to date and meet someone can be lacking quite often. I'm sort of used to being single.

My philosophy with loneliness is kind of how I feel about those tougher emotions in general - you can't have the good without the bad. I felt extreme loneliness after a breakup a few years ago, it hits me out of the blue even now from time to time, but just serves to remind me of how lovely and warm and comforting it was to be in love with someone. To have my person. I'd like that again, we all long for that really. The loneliness kind of serves a point then, and kind of exists because of all of the love and loveliness that went before.

It's also so inherently human to feel lonely too. You just have to know that and treat yourself with compassion when it kicks in.

2 fast · 07-02-2020 09:06PM

It seems go an epidemic, yet when you go out looking for 30s single even just to make friends, it seems thin on the ground especially outside of Dublin....

airnwater · 07-02-2020 09:10PM

Serious suggestion , if you are living within reasonable distance of any city , check out meetup.com , loads of groups doing all sorts of activities eg hiking , meals out , going to gigs ,etc virtually all single people too

. Need to stick at it for a while & give it a chance !

CtevenSrowder · 07-02-2020 09:14PM

Raconteuse wrote: »

The book club a friend of mine wants me to join does tend towards the auld Auschwitz titles all right.

Podcast and cinema club though.

Where does this cinema club happen?

Stevieluvsye · 07-02-2020 09:16PM

CtevenSrowder wrote: »

Where does this cinema club happen?

Think this all code for a dogging club bud

creditcarder · 07-02-2020 09:19PM

KiKi III wrote: »

Thought I’d start a nice cheery one as it’s Friday; I may have posted about this before.

I’m recently single from what was essentially quite a casual relationship and it’s hit me hard.

We weren’t serious but we had been spending quite a bit of time together, and I feel quite lonely since.

It’s in quite a broad sense too - it’s not just about missing him. I spent a lot of my 20s living abroad and my friends are spread out all over the world. That can be amazing in some ways (I’m never short of an exotic holiday destination when the opportunity comes up) but it can mean sometimes I look at my life in Dublin and think “Where are all my friends?”

I’m in my early 30s so a lot of the friends I do have are in long-term relationships or have kids, and since I don’t drink alcohol I’m rarely out on mad nights out. I have hobbies that I’ve made acquaintances and broadened my social circle through, but it hasn’t led to any close friendships yet - most of those are still abroad and largely conducted through WhatsApp.

I’ve read that there’s an epidemic of loneliness amongst my generation and I certainly feel it a lot. I spend a lot of time by myself (I work from home). I can’t help but feel that if I had an OH a lot of the friendship stuff would bother me a little less.

Anyone else in the same boat? Any advice?

I know this could easily go in PI but if mods are okay with it I’d rather see a more general discussion as you can have here.

Could go study abroad, lie about your age and hang aroud with the mid 20s?

Rufeo · 07-02-2020 09:37PM

OP, if you can handle the 51 bar on a Friday night there's lots of action in there.

Otherwise most other nights its dead and you'd have the likes of me (38) to put up with. Haha. Give me strength.

Stevieluvsye · 07-02-2020 09:41PM

Rufeo wrote: »

OP, if you can handle the 51 bar on a Friday night there's lots of action in there.

Otherwise most other nights its dead and you'd have the likes of me (38) to put up with. Haha. Give me strength.

Thinly veiled "i'd like to shag you"

07-02-2020 09:59PM

Rufeo wrote: »

OP, if you can handle the 51 bar on a Friday night there's lots of action in there.

Otherwise most other nights its dead and you'd have the likes of me (38) to put up with. Haha. Give me strength.

I really like the 51. Didn't know it was happening on a Friday night

lozenges · 07-02-2020 10:09PM

It's definitely easier being in a relationship. I enjoyed being single and was for most of my early -mid 20s but it can be lonely. Not just because you don't have partner, but I definitely find you're invited out to more holidays/parties/events when in a couple than as a single person.

Irish_rat · 07-02-2020 10:21PM

Single in mid 30's don't go out much either. I'm not huge into drink but will definitely see what kinda groups I could join

PmMeUrDogs · 07-02-2020 10:25PM

I can understand the loneliness.

I've been single for a couple of years, early thirties. All of my friends are coupled up, all have children, and they're obviously not as available as they used to be. Add to that I'm fairly introverted and shy, and that all leads to massive loneliness.

So I made a massive effort to make more friends. I didn't do meet up groups because I've got no real interest in doing that.

Instead, I invited people I'd chat to regularly on social media for drinks, coffee, etc. They'd generally say yes.

Now, I'm not so lonely. I have a good group of close, single friends who I can see regularly because we're all more available than my older friends (who I do still see! I didn't ditch them). I have plans once or twice a week, and I enjoy my days off more.

Obviously I still get lonely moments. I'd love to have someone I could have deeper or intimate conversations with. But what I have is lovely and I enjoy being single far more now than I used to.

nkl12xtw5goz70 · 07-02-2020 10:32PM

Raconteuse wrote: »

The book club a friend of mine wants me to join does tend towards the auld Auschwitz titles all right.

Ha, I recently joined a book group and the first pick was All the Light We Cannot See, set in WWII France.

KiKi III · 07-02-2020 10:53PM

Rufeo wrote: »

OP, if you can handle the 51 bar on a Friday night there's lots of action in there.

Otherwise most other nights its dead and you'd have the likes of me (38) to put up with. Haha. Give me strength.

The issue with going out is that I have no one to go out with. Even just saying that makes me feel like SUCH a loser but there are lots of reasons for it as previously mentioned.

seannash · 07-02-2020 11:07PM

lozenges wrote: »

It's definitely easier being in a relationship. I enjoyed being single and was for most of my early -mid 20s but it can be lonely. Not just because you don't have partner, but I definitely find you're invited out to more holidays/parties/events when in a couple than as a single person.

I find single people don't wamt to do "coupley" things. Invited two single people on a Christmas market holiday and they both refused because it was 3 couples going.
I kept saying its 6 people going not 3 couples

anewme · 07-02-2020 11:17PM

seannash wrote: »

I find single people don't wamt to do "coupley" things. Invited two single people on a Christmas market holiday and they both refused because it was 3 couples going.
I kept saying its 6 people going not 3 couples

I've been invited to dinners where there were more couples...the wives often suspiciously think you are after their husbands.

Earthhorse · 07-02-2020 11:22PM

You all move in very antagonistic circles. I often hang out with my coupled up friends. It’s not a problem.

One eyed Jack · 07-02-2020 11:25PM

anewme wrote: »

I've been invited to dinners where there were more couples...the wives often suspiciously think you are after their husbands.

I wouldn’t take that as a reflection on you tbh, it’s more of a reflection on them, but I get how having to put up with it can be wearying.

KiKi III · 07-02-2020 11:25PM

Earthhorse wrote: »

You all move in very antagonistic circles. I often hang out with my coupled up friends. It’s not a problem.

I really enjoy hanging out with my couple friends. I’d just love to have some single friends that live in Dublin to go out with.

Earthhorse · 07-02-2020 11:29PM

KiKi III wrote: »

I really enjoy hanging out with my couple friends. I’d just love to have some single friends that live in Dublin to go out with.

That’s cool. I’m talking about people whose single friends won’t hang out with their married ones or whose attached friends eye them with suspicion.

KiKi III · 07-02-2020 11:41PM

Earthhorse wrote: »

He asked you to PM him so you’re scared you’re going to send him a dick pic?!? :eek:

There is a boards Book Club going if you’re interested.

Does it do IRL meet-ups or just online?

07-02-2020 11:57PM

KiKi III wrote: »

The issue with going out is that I have no one to go out with. Even just saying that makes me feel like SUCH a loser but there are lots of reasons for it as previously mentioned.

As i said earlier, I really like the 51 but its pointless me rocking up on Friday night knowing no-one. I've a better chance of meeting someone to chat to on a Tuesday. Except the person I have a decent chance of meeting is male and twice my age.

anewme · 08-02-2020 12:00AM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

As i said earlier, I really like the 51

In my day, we preferred the 69, but the nearest to it these days is on my birth cert.

Earthhorse · 08-02-2020 12:05AM

KiKi III wrote: »

Does it do IRL meet-ups or just online?

IRL

08-02-2020 12:05AM

anewme wrote: »

In my day, we preferred the 69, but the nearest to it these days is on my birth cert.

With wit like that I find it difficult to believe you can't find a partner.

Deja Boo · 08-02-2020 12:09AM

anewme wrote: »

I've been invited to dinners where there were more couples...the wives often suspiciously think you are after their husbands.

spent one christmas dinner like this :rolleyes:

brookers · 08-02-2020 12:16AM

I know people will laugh when I say this but I belong to a minority religion and when i was younger i went to church and joined their activities, badminton, tennis etc, you would always meet really nice people, guys too and all denominations were welcome. Was nice to have something to go to during the week nights and have a chat etc,

Purple Mountain · 08-02-2020 12:18AM

I have a solution.
For all us lost and lonely single souls on this thread.
Forget a thread meet up, let's get the first thread gang bang going.
I'm in, if all you keyboard warriors can assure me you're Coronavirus free.

Rufeo · 08-02-2020 12:48AM

KiKi III wrote: »

The issue with going out is that I have no one to go out with. Even just saying that makes me feel like SUCH a loser but there are lots of reasons for it as previously mentioned.

I wouldn't waste time feeling like a loser, I'd get up and go (wherever it is I want to go). But then it's different for me I suppose. I'm a man. I don't know what it's like for a woman.

Loneliness and singledom

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