Loneliness and singledom

07-02-2020 05:49PM

KiKi III wrote: »

A/S/L?

35 m Dublin

SusieBlue · 07-02-2020 05:54PM

I can sympathise, OP.
All my friends became single around the same time as me, so we had an absolute blast last year.
Lots of nights out, lunch dates, a few weekends away and we also went on a 3 week long trip to the west coast of the USA. But now they've all started coupling up and the socialising is starting to dry up a bit.
We had discussed taking another trip to the US this year but when it came down to committing and booking, its only going to be myself and another girl. Of the 9 of us that went away just six months ago, we're the last 2 standing :pac:

Its after getting a bit depressing but I know a lot of it is my own fault. I'm just so picky when it comes to men.
I'm looking into joining a kickboxing class to broaden my circle a bit but I'm not too hopeful of it working. I think its a case of us being stuck in the middle of two very different life stages and that can make it hard to meet new people.

Oranage2 · 07-02-2020 05:56PM

KiKi III wrote: »

A/S/L?

16 m Dublin

Any hobbies?

Church on Tuesday · 07-02-2020 05:58PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Don't make me laugh, bitterly.

I've come to the conclusion alot of people use Tinder as an alternative to Candy Crush Saga so they have something to swipe on their commute. The few people who do reply to messages seem to just want Pen Pals or want instagram followers.

I wouldn't place too much stock on Tinder or POF TBH.

I agree, most people seem to just be on it to pass the time. I was chatting away to a woman for a bit a few days back, seemed to be going well and then was dropped, I assume, because someone else came along in the meantime that was initially more interesting to her.

Which is perfectly fine, but that is the inherent flaw with these sites; there is too many options, esp if you are a woman, but then you run the risk of missing out on a great date if you don't just focus on the one individual for a bit.

I don't really bother with them unless I am really bored myself. I certainly wouldn't consider it to be some measure of one's worth or something to get miffed about, it's fast food dating at best.

reg114 · 07-02-2020 06:02PM

KiKi III wrote: »

Thought I’d start a nice cheery one as it’s Friday; I may have posted about this before.

I’m recently single from what was essentially quite a casual relationship and it’s hit me hard.

We weren’t serious but we had been spending quite a bit of time together, and I feel quite lonely since.

It’s in quite a broad sense too - it’s not just about missing him. I spent a lot of my 20s living abroad and my friends are spread out all over the world. That can be amazing in some ways (I’m never short of an exotic holiday destination when the opportunity comes up) but it can mean sometimes I look at my life in Dublin and think “Where are all my friends?”

I’m in my early 30s so a lot of the friends I do have are in long-term relationships or have kids, and since I don’t drink alcohol I’m rarely out on mad nights out. I have hobbies that I’ve made acquaintances and broadened my social circle through, but it hasn’t led to any close friendships yet - most of those are still abroad and largely conducted through WhatsApp.

I’ve read that there’s an epidemic of loneliness amongst my generation and I certainly feel it a lot. I spend a lot of time by myself (I work from home). I can’t help but feel that if I had an OH a lot of the friendship stuff would bother me a little less.

Anyone else in the same boat? Any advice?

I know this could easily go in PI but if mods are okay with it I’d rather see a more general discussion as you can have here.

Working from home can be tremendously isolating and not ideal for your state of mind over the long term. The simple interactions you experience around the office / work space may be mundane but they encourage you to connect with other people even if only briefly. Humans are social creatures, if you take away the social element for the guts of 40 plus hours per week you will experience negative ramifications. Perhaps theres an opportunity for you to work even a couple of days a week outside the home, be it in a library, coffee shop or one of those business hubs that facilitates sharing workspace.

The more you interact with actual people on a daily basis and the less time you spend on your own at home, the less lonely you will feel and the greater the chance you will meet someone significant. Its really that simple.

Clubs and societies are really the main way forward especially if you dont have a gra for the pub scene. Ultimately given your situation you must seek out company yourself, you must be proactive about putting yourself amongst people as often as is possible. I have worked from home, its very taxing mentally and not something i would encourage, no matter the cost saving or perceived convenience.

KiKi III · 07-02-2020 06:06PM

I’m seriously considering getting a “real job” again, partly because it’ll be much easier to get a mortgage with one, but also because I miss interacting with people during the day.

Also it will force me to get dressed before 2pm.

Idbatterim · 07-02-2020 07:07PM

I've a similar work setup, it has its pro's, but you can actually start losing your mind with the setup after a while!

jaxxx · 07-02-2020 07:11PM

You know the old crazy cat lady from The Simpsons? That's me in 20 years, except with doggies and I ain't a lady.

Raconteuse · 07-02-2020 07:13PM

Working from home full-time would not suit me at all. Much as I curse having to go in there at times. Working from home the odd day, grand - a novelty, but I don't think five days a week is good for someone. Maybe I'm wrong but my friend thought working from home was perfect for him yet he was not in great form a lot of the time at all. Still thinking he was happier! Then he had to get a job without the work from home option - not his choice, just dictated by circumstances. And he is so much happier.

07-02-2020 07:19PM

Just a quick post to acknowledge to the OP that I am in a very similar situation.

I'm sure it's one of those phases that just comes and goes with time, so fingers crossed all will work out

beejee · 07-02-2020 07:20PM

First of all, remove your socks. Secondly, put them back on again.

Next, take socks off your feet. After that, put them on.

Something about a bloke called Tony that is 100% himself. Monotony, that's it. That Tony bloke can wreck your head.

Church on Tuesday · 07-02-2020 07:28PM

KiKi III wrote: »

A/S/L?

32/M/Westport.

Too far away Kiki, unfortunately

07-02-2020 07:32PM

KiKi III · 07-02-2020 07:41PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

32/M/Westport.

Too far away Kiki, unfortunately

Would you believe I’m on the Westport train as we speak

KiKi III · 07-02-2020 07:42PM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I’ve no issue finding men who are up for the No Pants Dance Bertie! Looking for something more at this stage.

beejee · 07-02-2020 07:45PM

KiKi III wrote: »

I’ve no issue finding men who are up for the No Pants Dance Bertie! Looking for something more at this stage.

I'm picking up what you're laying down.

*puffs neck out and flits between branches*

Church on Tuesday · 07-02-2020 07:51PM

KiKi III wrote: »

Would you believe I’m on the Westport train as we speak

Great! what time ya get in at?

07-02-2020 07:55PM

KiKi III wrote: »

Would you believe I’m on the Westport train as we speak

Clearly its meant to be.

Lucky prick.

KiKi III · 07-02-2020 07:59PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Great! what time ya get in at?

My Mam is expecting me in Ballyhaunis at 8.30 but I suppose I could stay on and tell her it’s in the name of love!

Purple Mountain · 07-02-2020 07:59PM

I'm a single parent and work part time.
I actually dread days off because I work with a massive staff who are fabulous and it's like a social outlet for me along with work.
I'm lucky with friends because even though they are all married or in a couple, I make plans to go away with them or visit them. Nights out are a thing of the past but I still get away on city breaks or sleep overs etc so I'm lucky.
I've said it before on here but I'd love a partner to go out with once a week or have a date for a wedding etc but I've no interest in marriage or children.
Unfortunately to most people that reads like a friend with benefits

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 07-02-2020 08:01PM

Raconteuse wrote: »

Working from home full-time would not suit me at all. Much as I curse having to go in there at times. Working from home the odd day, grand - a novelty, but I don't think five days a week is good for someone. Maybe I'm wrong but my friend thought working from home was perfect for him yet he was not in great form a lot of the time at all. Still thinking he was happier! Then he had to get a job without the work from home option - not his choice, just dictated by circumstances. And he is so much happier.

I didn’t like working from home and I really, really miss working now that I no longer can. I miss the social aspect, being out in the world and just hearing a wide variety of opinions and stories. I too would bet that your friend was suffering from the lack of contact with people.

beejee · 07-02-2020 08:06PM

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

I didn’t like working from home and I really, really miss working now that I no longer can. I miss the social aspect, being out in the world and just hearing a wide variety of opinions and stories. I too would bet that your friend was suffering from the lack of contact with people.

I find that a few days working at home suits me just fine.

I use a stethoscope to listen in on neighbours, so it feels like my social circle increases. Sometimes I laugh too loud and they hear me, then I hide behind the fridge.

So, not all bad.

Church on Tuesday · 07-02-2020 08:14PM

KiKi III wrote: »

My Mam is expecting me in Ballyhaunis at 8.30 but I suppose I could stay on and tell her it’s in the name of love!

I don't think your mam would be happy about that!

Earthhorse · 07-02-2020 08:21PM

KiKi III wrote: »

Very scared this is going to be a dick pic.

He asked you to PM him so you’re scared you’re going to send him a dick pic?!? :eek:

KiKi III wrote: »

This is actually a very good shout as I love reading. My past experience tells me it’s a place I’ll meet other slightly older women and not men, but that’s not the worst thing in the world.

There is a boards Book Club going if you’re interested.

voldejoie · 07-02-2020 08:26PM

I have no real insight to add OP, just to say I completely understand how you feel. I am single and travel a lot for work, and most of my friends who still live in Ireland are coupled up - a few even have small kids! So when I'm home at the weekend or over a bank holiday it's rare enough I'd meet up with people, and I somehow find myself being abroad for work stuff whenever there are group meet ups.

I know you said that people sometimes mistake your extroversion for confidence, and that you work from home. I work from home the odd time too and it's a godsend to have the option, but equally if you are an extroverted person being in an office with colleagues (annoying as they can be :pac:) could do you the world of good. Even more so if there's a decent social scene

07-02-2020 08:34PM

Im very much an introvert and love working from home but there was a time recently when I worked from home on a Friday and the following Monday and come Tuesday morning was starting to understand why solitary confinement of prisoners is forbidden by the Geneva Convention.

Church on Tuesday · 07-02-2020 08:39PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Im very much an introvert and love working from home but there was a time recently when I worked from home on a Friday and the following Monday and come Tuesday morning was starting to understand why solitary confinement of prisoners is forbidden by the Geneva Convention.

Nah feck that, you gotta be out meeting people I think ideally.

EmmetSpiceland · 07-02-2020 08:41PM

Earthhorse wrote: »

There is a boards Book Club going if you’re interested.

Is it anything like the “book” thread on here where every third book has “Auschwitz” in the title?

Or, at least, a topic that equally “harrowing”, and boring.

JohnnyFlash · 07-02-2020 08:42PM

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Is it anything like the “book” thread on here where every third book has “Auschwitz” in the title?

Or, at least, a topic that equally “harrowing”, and boring.

Or something modern, Irish, and ‘difficult’ for the sake of it.

Raconteuse · 07-02-2020 08:50PM

The book club a friend of mine wants me to join does tend towards the auld Auschwitz titles all right.

Podcast and cinema club though.

Loneliness and singledom

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