Easter Eggs already?

beejee · 30-12-2019 04:30PM #1

So, one of the major retailers was putting up a wall of easter Eggs earlier. Surely a record, not even new years eve yet?

More importantly, it had me ruminating on how best to eat Cadbury cream eggs.

Personally, I like to remove the "cap" of the egg without disturbing the delicious glob of goo inside. Akin to removing the top of a human skull without interfering the brain. A condiment spoon suffices most magnificently, I find.

Next, one must channel a ridge along the base of the egg, being especially careful not to penetrate the hull too deeply. A chiselled front tooth should achieve the endeavour.

Ridge formed, the consequent phase is to attach an elastic band along said ridge, then to stretch the elastic around the upper torso in such a fashion as to secure the de-capped egg around the nipple. A brassiere of delectable confection, if you will.

From here it's plain sailing. The nipple will accomplish an optimum temperature for the fondant. A matter of time. Go for a walk, wax a budgie, whatever you like, confident in the knowledge that your nipple does the heavy lifting.

A single caveat; the protruding egg creates a most displeasing symmetry of the body. Developing a lurch in the posture, combined with a heavy coat, alleviates any social faux pas you may encounter.

The egg is ripe for eating once the nipple has a sugary feeling. You'll know it when you know it. Enjoy post haste.

Besides that, does the record for "too early" belong to Christmas stuff advertised the day after halloween, or easter stuff right after Christmas? Surely, if the time period keeps extending, it will eventually do a lap of itself and self-correct, much like a relay runner going backwards?

Happy4all · 30-12-2019 04:31PM

Which one?

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 30-12-2019 04:35PM

It's only 104 days away.

Trigger Happy · 30-12-2019 04:37PM

Saw the creme eggs in dunnes cornelscourt today. Tis madness I tells ya.

beejee · 30-12-2019 04:37PM

Happy4all wrote: »

Which one?

Your choice, although inequal pertness on the day is not to be ignored.

Beechwoodspark · 30-12-2019 04:39PM

This is madness if true

I would be ok with Easter eggs appearing in store following St Patrick’s Day

Fr_Dougal · 30-12-2019 04:40PM

If you think that’s bad, I’ve seen shops already advertising for Christmas, and that’s a year away.

B.A._Baracus · 30-12-2019 04:44PM

"one of the major retailers"
Just say the fecking store. What's with the secretiveness?

beejee · 30-12-2019 04:44PM

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

If you think that’s bad, I’ve seen shops already advertising for Christmas, and that’s a year away.

Next Christmas is far away, this Christmas is very close, Dougal

beejee · 30-12-2019 04:46PM

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

"one of the major retailers"
Just say the fecking store. What's with the secretiveness?

You're dying to know now, aren't you? Much like the christmas dinner wondering where it will end up as it exits your embattled hole.

B.A._Baracus · 30-12-2019 04:47PM

beejee wrote: »

You're dying to know now, aren't you? Much like the christmas dinner wondering where it will end up as it exits your embattled hole.

What the... you total weirdo.
And a spoofer I reckon to boot.

Planet X · 30-12-2019 04:49PM

Creme eggs are not Easter eggs though......

freshpopcorn · 30-12-2019 04:49PM

Basically shops need to fill those seasonal shelves.
Dunnes are late by the way JC's in Swords had them out a few days before Christmas!

Ficheall · 30-12-2019 04:52PM

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

"one of the major retailers"
Just say the fecking store. What's with the secretiveness?

He's been working on that piece of "prose" for nearly a year and obviously couldn't wait to share, irrespective of whether there are actually any Easter eggs in the shops. Let him be.

beejee · 30-12-2019 04:53PM

Planet X wrote: »

Creme eggs are not Easter eggs though......

It's pronounced "cream", not "creme".

lucalux · 30-12-2019 04:53PM

Nothing new there is there? Worked in Tesco well over ten years ago and it was the same then.

skallywag · 30-12-2019 04:53PM

So you start a thread moaning and then go all yellow belly when you are asked the obvious question as to where this is.

Another brave child on the interweb. Hope mummy makes you a nice dinner today.

champchamp · 30-12-2019 04:55PM

beejee wrote: »

So, one of the major retailers was putting up a wall of easter Eggs earlier. Surely a record, not even new years eve yet?

More importantly, it had me ruminating on how best to eat Cadbury cream eggs.

Personally, I like to remove the "cap" of the egg without disturbing the delicious glob of goo inside. Akin to removing the top of a human skull without interfering the brain. A condiment spoon suffices most magnificently, I find.

Next, one must channel a ridge along the base of the egg, being especially careful not to penetrate the hull too deeply. A chiselled front tooth should achieve the endeavour.

Ridge formed, the consequent phase is to attach an elastic band along said ridge, then to stretch the elastic around the upper torso in such a fashion as to secure the de-capped egg around the nipple. A brassiere of delectable confection, if you will.

From here it's plain sailing. The nipple will accomplish an optimum temperature for the fondant. A matter of time. Go for a walk, wax a budgie, whatever you like, confident in the knowledge that your nipple does the heavy lifting.

A single caveat; the protruding egg creates a most displeasing symmetry of the body. Developing a lurch in the posture, combined with a heavy coat, alleviates any social faux pas you may encounter.

The egg is ripe for eating once the nipple has a sugary feeling. You'll know it when you know it. Enjoy post haste.

Besides that, does the record for "too early" belong to Christmas stuff advertised the day after halloween, or easter stuff right after Christmas? Surely, if the time period keeps extending, it will eventually do a lap of itself and self-correct, much like a relay runner going backwards?

Lies.

beejee · 30-12-2019 04:56PM

Ficheall wrote: »

He's been working on that piece of "prose" for nearly a year and obviously couldn't wait to share, irrespective of whether there are actually any Easter eggs in the shops. Let him be.

Some people are blessed with a natural flow borne through spontaneous innovation.

Unlike you, who was born through the decidedly unnatural flow that occurs when the sphincter is swapped with the urethra in one of nature's cruel jokes.

The chan chan man · 30-12-2019 04:57PM

Of all the things that never happened, this never happened the most

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 30-12-2019 05:06PM

beejee wrote: »

It's pronounced "cream", not "creme".

Pronounce it any way you like but they're called Cadbury Creme Eggs.

beejee · 30-12-2019 05:07PM

skallywag wrote: »

So you start a thread moaning and then go all yellow belly when you are asked the obvious question as to where this is.

Another brave child on the interweb. Hope mummy makes you a nice dinner today.

You state this, despite others confirming it in different areas.

Are you blind? Are you interpreting the written word via your helper monkey who taps morse code on your misshapen forehead, a helper monkey who scored 32% on the "are you a monkey" test administered by the Dublin zoo every 2 years and was subsequently unemployed for the previous 10 years besides that one time gig as host of the late late show in 2010?

Are you that blind?

beejee · 30-12-2019 05:08PM

Willow Stocky Bearer wrote: »

Pronounce it any way you like but they're called Cadbury Creme Eggs.

Yeah, well you just go ahead and call them, see how many respond to your gibberish.

Casey78 · 30-12-2019 05:11PM

4 boxes of Heroes here, all empty apart from the creme eggs. They are to Heroes what the Bounty is to the Celebration tin.

skallywag · 30-12-2019 05:13PM

beejee wrote: »

You state this, despite others confirming it in different areas.

Are you blind? Are you interpreting the written word via your helper monkey who taps morse code on your misshapen forehead, a helper monkey who scored 32% on the "are you a monkey" test administered by the Dublin zoo every 2 years and was subsequently unemployed for the previous 10 years besides that one time gig as host of the late late show in 2010?

Are you that blind?

What's she making you for your tea? Fish fingers? Nice

Jelly and ice cream then for a treat after?

beejee · 30-12-2019 05:19PM

skallywag wrote: »

What's she making you for your tea? Fish fingers? Nice

Jelly and ice cream then for a treat after?

Fish fingers have their place, but there's always room for extra jelly and ice cream!

Unfortunately, having transcended the restrictions of mortality and, indeed, plebeian "thought" as sufficiently exemplified by yourself, I must make my own jelly and ice cream for lack of peerage

skallywag · 30-12-2019 05:21PM

beejee wrote: »

Fish fingers have their place, but there's always room for extra jelly and ice cream!

Unfortunately, having transcended the restrictions of mortality and, indeed, plebeian "thought" as sufficiently exemplified by yourself, I must make my own jelly and ice cream for lack of peerage

Are you still at an after session from the Stryker Christmas party?

Hoboo · 30-12-2019 05:28PM

skallywag wrote: »

Are you still at an after session from the Stryker Christmas party?

Sees himself as a writer, multiple unfinished books lying around. Continually on the final chapter. Reads and learns random leftfield information to try to impress others. Practices on boards users, a captive audience which panders to his nonsensical ramblings. Definitely loves jelly and ice cream. And fishfingers.

Cee-Jay-Cee · 30-12-2019 05:32PM

How to eat a cream egg.

1. Place Cream Egg in the freezer overnight.
2. Remove the egg from the freezer and remove the wrapping.
3. Take a very sharp knife and cut down the middle of the egg.
4. Take a small pointed spoon and remove the frozen cream from the chocolate.
5. Throw that nasty shít in the bin and eat the chocolate.

beejee · 30-12-2019 05:37PM

Hoboo wrote: »

Sees himself as a writer, multiple unfinished books lying around. Continually on the final chapter. Reads and learns random leftfield information to try to impress others. Practices on boards users, a captive audience which panders to his nonsensical ramblings. Definitely loves jelly and ice cream. And fishfingers.

Amusing!

Something to add to the resolutions, write a book. I fancy it.

Honestly though, barking into the void of the Internet is a silly distraction to fill boring periods. That's a habit to reel in if ever there was one.

Back on topic, easter anything at this time of the year is crazy. And now I shall remove my face from the shallow waters of the internetdom before drownage occurs

beejee · 30-12-2019 05:38PM

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

How to eat a cream egg.

1. Place Cream Egg in the freezer overnight.
2. Remove the egg from the freezer and remove the wrapping.
3. Take a very sharp knife and cut down the middle of the egg.
4. Take a small pointed spoon and remove the frozen cream from the chocolate.
5. Throw that nasty shít in the bin and eat the chocolate.

Simple, to the point!

Easter Eggs already?

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